Just Realized That Copacabana (the Song By Barry Manilow) Never Says Tony's Dead.

Remus: Just stepped out of the shower while Janus was playing piano, felt like I was in a very classy movie about to be murdered

Patton: Are you guys okay down there??

Remus, Janus, and Virgil: No.

Roman: More importantly, Remus, you shower?

Remus: Of course!

Janus: He rolls around in volcanic ash like a chinchilla.

Roman: Oh. Uh, why?

Remus: I'm allergic to soap! :D

Roman, Logan, Patton, Thomas: ...

Remus: :DDD

Patton, trying his best: That's nice kiddo

Just Patton Being Relatable In My Band AU Fic

“I am a little marshmallow boy, I am not made for physical activity.”

“I’ve kind of always wanted an excuse to give myself a makeover. Make me punk.”

"Now I am happy and healthy and medicated.”

“Let's stick together, though. ‘Cuz two of us can't really talk right now and I get lost super easily.”

(About being obvious about their sexualities) “I don't try to talk about it, but just… Boys!”

“You know a lot about this,” Patton said, seeming surprised.

Roman’s cheeks turned pink. “Well, y’know, someone once came out to me as polyamorous and I realized I didn't know much about it so I decided to do some research so I could support them wholeheartedly.”

Patton smiled, touched.

Don't mind them having a sweet moment while Logan's mom is having a breakdown right beside them and Logan is in the hospital

Logan, quietly, seeing a unisex bathroom sign: Ah, yes, the three genders: Pants, skirt, and wheelchair.

Thomas:

Everyone who can't hear/see Logan: *gives him strange looks*

Today on Things I Know Because Of Thomas Sanders:

My family: *Discussing berries*

My dad: Isn't a marionberry a cross between a loganberry and a blackberry?

Me: That sounds redundant, considering a loganberry is already a cross between a blackberry and a raspberry...

Them: What? Did you look that up?

Me: No I already knew that

Them: *doubt*

My brother: *looks it up* Nah he's right

Them: *surprise*

Them: How'd you know that?

Me, out loud: Eh just a random fact I know

Me, internally: 'Cuz Crofters is the only jelly—

So thank you @thatsthat24 , I looked smart in front of my extended family today because of one of the many things Logan taught me :D

Accidentally Walking In On A Side In The Shower: Logan Version

(There is a see-through glass shower door unless otherwise specified)

Logan: Have you seen my puzzle book?

Patton, face pink, because he’ll never get used to this: No…

Logan: Roman—

Roman: *unholy shrieking*

Logan: Have you seen my puzzle book?

Roman: *still shrieking*

Logan: I’m taking that as a no.

Logan: Have you happened to see my puzzle book?

Janus, soaking in the bathtub, unfortunately without convenient bubbles, as snakes do: No. I’ll tell you if I do.

Logan, unfazed: Great, thank you.

Logan: Remus, I don't suppose you’ve seen my puzzle book?

Remus, showering fully clothed: But you do suppose, or you wouldn't have asked.

Logan: Error. Logan.exe has stopped working.

Logan: Vir— this is my puzzle book! You had it?

Virgil, invisible behind a black shower curtain: Oh… Sorry…

Logan: I respected your privacy for this long, please respect mine.

Virgil, internally: Dude wtf I’m literally showering??

I feel like a lot of people miss the point of Sherlock's charging-port-deduction when they poke fun at it.

Now, I'm not saying he's right or some genius (or that you shouldn't poke fun at the deduction), I'm just saying that the point of this specific observation was misunderstood.

Because yes, we all try to plug our phones in in the dark or without looking and miss the port a few times. But not hard enough to leave scratches in the metal. When I look at my charging port, there are no scratches there, because I use the appropriate amount of force when plugging in my phone, and I think most of you do, too.

However, when you're completely drunk, there isn't really an 'appropriate amount of force.' You will jam your charger into the metal around your phone port hard enough to leave visible scratches.

It wasn't that the phone's user missed the port; it was that they missed the port with enough excessive force to scratch the phone.

(Which, of course, doesn't even necessarily mean 'alcoholic'; it could just be someone with difficulty with fine motor skills, or who misjudges how much force they need for things, or wasn't wearing their glasses and got very frustrated trying to plug in their phone, or any variety of other scenarios)

- Finds out my nemesis has a peanut allergy

- Puts peanut oil in my water bottle

- Goes to meet nemesis

- Confesses love

- Drinks peanut oil

- Kisses them

- I've think I've won

- Plot twist

- They planned this

- They aren't allergic to peanuts

- And now we're dating

- Oh shit

Fun fact! My doctor actually did this when my brother and I were kids, he made really good bird noises like I mean actually convincing ones cuz as a kid I was like 'there can't be birds in my head that's impossible but where is the sound coming from?!?'

Occasionally he'll still do it, just joking around because we're not kids anymore and we know there aren't birds in our heads

(Anyway this post was inspired by a recent trip to the doctor to get my eardrums checked—)

Remus and Logan: *playing Hell Chess*

Patton and Janus: *teleport in*

Janus: LOGAN! Tell Patton he does not have birds in his head!

Patton: Logan!! Tell Janus he doesn't know everything!

Logan, raising an eyebrow: What?

Patton: So, whenever my doctor examines my ears, these little birds tweet! He says I have a little family of birds living in my head!

Janus: Correction, to make Patton sit still during checkups, his doctor makes bird noises and pretends to check on birds in his head instead of his ears.

Patton: Hey, I'm perfectly still! I don't want him to poke a bird!

Janus: *gestures wildly at him*

Logan, completely serious: Oh, no, I'm afraid you're wrong here, Janus. I've seen Patton's medical records, he has a small family of birds living in his head and has for years. It's a harmless condition.

Janus: *stares at him in WTF manner*

Patton: Ha! I told you! Devon and his family ARE in my head!

Remus: What's in my head?

Logan, no hesitation: A single rat on a wheel. His name is Maurice.

Remus: Is he a space cowboy?

Logan: And a gangster of love.

Remus, grinning: Cool.

Patton: Ooh! What's in Roman's head?

Logan, also no hesitation: A frog named Roberto.

Patton: Awesome! I'm going to tell him.

Patton: *sinks out*

Janus: WHY.

Logan, smiling mischievously: You've got a transgendeer in yours.

Janus: MOTHERF—

Side Allergies

Canon ones, (with proof):

Patton: Allergic to cats

(It even has a front pouch to place an actual cat, if you so desire.)

"Oh, I can't. I'm allergic."

Remus: Allergic to soap

"It's got soap on it! I'm allergic to soap, you (beep)!"

Roman: Allergic to cats

"You think you know someone and then WHAM! Out of nowhere... they fill your apartment with feral cats?! And now you're somehow responsible for the vet bills? You've got to give them away, but despite your cat allergy, you've endeared yourself to them, especially to Mrs. Snuffles... more like Mrs. Sniffles! ...Because of the allergy."

So, for the others, my guesses for allergies are:

Logan: Allergic to bullshit

Janus: Allergic to society

Virgil: Allergic to makeup remover