Today On Things I Know Because Of Thomas Sanders:

Virgil: (glances at Logan's computer that he left on)

A random google document:

Me: (stays in the bath for .7 seconds too long)

My fingertips: This is It, boys. We shall Revert Back to The Ways of underwater. We shall never see The Surface again.

Virgil: ...

Virgil: Hey Lo have you ever heard of Tumblr—

Remus, proud of knowing something: Logan. I have a fact.

Logan, not looking up from his book: Proceed.

Remus: Male reindeers lose their antlers in the winter, while female reindeers don't. All of Santa's reindeers have antlers, meaning they're all female, but the media says they're men because they don't want a team of strong females depicted.

Logan: Or they aren't cis. Ever think about that?

Remus: Wait wha—

Logan: Maybe they're transgender. Don't be a bigot, Remus.

Remus: I'M NOT—

Remus: Wait—

Remus: Am I being a bigot???

Logan: I don't know, are you? You're assuming their gender aligns with their sex.

Remus: *now having a crisis*

Janus, walking past, unable to help it: So you could say they're... Transgendeer.

Logan, hopping up, beating Janus with a pillow: I'm trying to escape Patton's constant puns, goddamnit!

Remus, plopping in the kitchen: It's so hard to find a good top these days.

Roman: Right?? It's impossible!

Remus: It's like, too restricting, or too loose, or too short—

Roman: Too short? That's really a dealbreaker for you?

Remus: I mean, unless it's cropped, then yeah. It's a big problem, being above average height.

Roman: *comprehends*

Roman: *slowly turns bright red*

Remus: ...

Remus: We're both talking about shirts, right?

Roman, mumbling: Shut up.

Virgil, raising an eyebrow: I thought Remus was the—

Roman, redder: SHUT UP.

Who else is ready for Logan to go absolutely feral? Who's ready for Logan to just say, 'I'm done being nice, screw it, I'm evil now'?

I'm ready for this scientist to go mad. He's earned it. They ignore him too much, and they're going to realize how horrible of an idea that was.

Writing a fic where C!Thomas is autistic (undiagnosed) and I was writing and was like 'hang on this might fit a little too well...'

Anyway lmao new theory?

[Patton and Emile meet]

Patton: Oh, hi, kiddo! The fans have told me so much about you, about how we'd get along super well—

Emile, whipping out a notepad: So, tell me about your need to always have the answer and inability to say that you don't know for fear of disappointing the others. When did that start?

Patton, tears already streaming down his face: What.

Me: *gets this notification*

Me: Hang on this person's gotta be messing with me let me check so I don't look like an idiot online

Me: *looks this up*

Me: THOMAS IS ALLERGIC TO CATS??? POOR GUY

Also: That means logically that *all* the sides are allergic to cats, right? (Doesn't mean they don't have other allergies though so my point/joke still stands—)

Side Allergies

Canon ones, (with proof):

Patton: Allergic to cats

(It even has a front pouch to place an actual cat, if you so desire.)

"Oh, I can't. I'm allergic."

Remus: Allergic to soap

"It's got soap on it! I'm allergic to soap, you (beep)!"

Roman: Allergic to cats

"You think you know someone and then WHAM! Out of nowhere... they fill your apartment with feral cats?! And now you're somehow responsible for the vet bills? You've got to give them away, but despite your cat allergy, you've endeared yourself to them, especially to Mrs. Snuffles... more like Mrs. Sniffles! ...Because of the allergy."

So, for the others, my guesses for allergies are:

Logan: Allergic to bullshit

Janus: Allergic to society

Virgil: Allergic to makeup remover

Janus: Hey I'm ba—

Remus, clinging onto his leg: NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN

Janus: Are you alright?

Remus: I HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES JANNIE NEVER LEAVE ME

Janus: You— what?

Remus: Because Virgil left! And [R̴̢̢̧̟̭̲̗͍̔̓͐̒̈́͌̎͒̓͊̚͠Ę̵̫͙͔̗̤͆̌̌̀̿͋́̄͊̽̚͠ͅͅD̷̛̛̮̝̜́͋́̕̚Ả̷̛̲̟͍̃̇͋̑̇́͛̚C̶̢̱͔͈͎͔͚̤͍̿̀͛̇͗͗̈́̾͑̾̕͜͠T̵̟͎͖̘͈͎̻̑̊̾͛̓̀͊̄͝ͅÉ̶̢͇̭̜̋̇̑̀́̐͗̾̉̀̕͠͝ͅͅD̸͉̓̀̾̉̆̃̆̊̊̿̀̾̈́] left! And you can't leave too!

Janus: (picks him up) Hey, I just went to the store. Next time you can come with me, okay? I'm not going anywhere. Okay?

Remus: *sniffle* Okay...

Roman, still there: ...Who's [R̴̢̢̧̟̭̲̗͍̔̓͐̒̈́͌̎͒̓͊̚͠Ę̵̫͙͔̗̤͆̌̌̀̿͋́̄͊̽̚͠ͅͅD̷̛̛̮̝̜́͋́̕̚Ả̷̛̲̟͍̃̇͋̑̇́͛̚C̶̢̱͔͈͎͔͚̤͍̿̀͛̇͗͗̈́̾͑̾̕͜͠T̵̟͎͖̘͈͎̻̑̊̾͛̓̀͊̄͝ͅÉ̶̢͇̭̜̋̇̑̀́̐͗̾̉̀̕͠͝ͅͅD̸͉̓̀̾̉̆̃̆̊̊̿̀̾̈́]?

Janus: . . .

Janus: Thank you for making sure Remus didn't burn down the dark side. I appreciate it.

Roman: Wait, Janus, who's [R̴̢̢̧̟̭̲̗͍̔̓͐̒̈́͌̎͒̓͊̚͠Ę̵̫͙͔̗̤͆̌̌̀̿͋́̄͊̽̚͠ͅͅD̷̛̛̮̝̜́͋́̕̚Ả̷̛̲̟͍̃̇͋̑̇́͛̚C̶̢̱͔͈͎͔͚̤͍̿̀͛̇͗͗̈́̾͑̾̕͜͠T̵̟͎͖̘͈͎̻̑̊̾͛̓̀͊̄͝ͅÉ̶̢͇̭̜̋̇̑̀́̐͗̾̉̀̕͠͝ͅͅD̸͉̓̀̾̉̆̃̆̊̊̿̀̾̈́]?

Janus: I'm sure you have very important princely duties—

Remus: *snicker*

Janus: —to fulfill, I'd hate to keep you from them.

Roman, as he's being sent away: JANUS WHO IS—

Remus: *sigh* I miss Janus...

Roman: He just went to the store, he'll be back in an hour.

Remus: *bangs fist on table* THAT'S WHAT VIRGIL SAID TOO

Au where Ranboo's memory is fine he just panicked when they asked him questions and said 'I don't know'

Now he's stuck in this lie and too awkward to admit his memory is fine

Logan, on phone: I heard you guys are at the emergency room. What happened? Are you okay?

Virgil: Oh, so Patton tried to pet a dingo—

Logan: Oh my god! Is he okay??

Virgil: Yeah he's fine, Roman got mauled by the dingo for trying to get him to stop petting it.

Logan: Oh my god, how did you handle that?

Virgil: Easy. Took Pat to a dog shelter so he can pet puppies safely, told Roman some stories about knights that got hurt while protecting their friends.

Logan: Wow. I'm impressed.

Virgil: How've you and Janus and Remus been?

Logan: *looks at kitchen that is in shambles from the two of them microwaving a microwave (for science) as Remus frantically tries to clean it up before Janus sees*

Logan: ...Equally good, I'd say.

Virgil, laughing: What, have one of you been mauled too?

Logan: Not yet.

Virgil: Wait, what?

Logan, hearing Janus's footsteps: Gotta go bye!

Virgil: LOGAN WHAT—