Remus: Just Stepped Out Of The Shower While Janus Was Playing Piano, Felt Like I Was In A Very Classy

Remus. Oh my god.

Janus. What?

Remus. It's a fucking dead bird.

Janus. What? Oh, that's an omen, or something.

Patton. Why is there a dead bird in here?

Logan. There was probably a live bird in here and then something happened that made it dead.

Remus. Oh. Great analysis, doc. Oh Jesus, it's all rotted and it's eyes are gone, this is horrifying.

Logan. Well, its eyes aren't gonna stick around.

Logan, in front of camera: Yeah, I'm good at baking because it's a science, I follow instructions exactly and get the desired outcome.

- (Flashback) -

Remus: A fourth teaspoon of cinnamon? You're fucking with me. What do you think this is, radioactive?

Remus: 1/6 cup? Eh, this'll be close enough

Remus: This frosting doesn't have salt? Seriously, the recipe's fucking with me. You can't have frosting without salt.

Remus: I'm out of almond flour for macarons? Eh, I'll grind my own

-

Interviewer: And how do you feel about Remus's baking always turning out better than yours?

Remus: *in background, putting cinnamon and chili powder in his hot chocolate*

Logan: *eye twitches* It's fine.

(Quality addition right here. Also:)

Logan: Oh well, won't stop me from trying! *continues suffocating him*

Remus, proud of knowing something: Logan. I have a fact.

Logan, not looking up from his book: Proceed.

Remus: Male reindeers lose their antlers in the winter, while female reindeers don't. All of Santa's reindeers have antlers, meaning they're all female, but the media says they're men because they don't want a team of strong females depicted.

Logan: Or they aren't cis. Ever think about that?

Remus: Wait wha—

Logan: Maybe they're transgender. Don't be a bigot, Remus.

Remus: I'M NOT—

Remus: Wait—

Remus: Am I being a bigot???

Logan: I don't know, are you? You're assuming their gender aligns with their sex.

Remus: *now having a crisis*

Janus, walking past, unable to help it: So you could say they're... Transgendeer.

Logan, hopping up, beating Janus with a pillow: I'm trying to escape Patton's constant puns, goddamnit!

Patton, when Janus and Roman are fighting: Well, I guess we'll just have to look for proof to see who's not being truthful!

Janus, studying his gloves: Go ahead, search my room; I have nothing to hide.

Roman, indignant: Oh, and I do?!

Janus: Uh, did I say anything about you, stupid bitch?

Roman: ...

Janus, scoffing: Egocentric much?

Also, c!Wilbur's mother is a fridge and yet it was surprising when he had a fox-child with a salmon. Like. We should have expected it tbh

C!Fundy's grandmother is a fridge and mother is a salmon. That's all that's the post

I had a dream there was a new halloween-themed Sander Sides and it was revealed that Janus kept Remus on a golden chain attached to a black o-ring collar around his neck

He held it loosely in his hand but if Remus starting giving intrusive thoughts he'd tug on it and like make him behave and everyone was like 'oh thank god he's under control'

It was weird but that'd be hilarious so here's hoping I have the gift of prophecy

The Sides Camping (Based On A True Story)

Patton: *drops his hotdog in the dirt*

Patton: :(

Patton: *gets a new hotdog*

Remus: Don't waste a perfectly good hotdog

Remus: *washes the hotdog in the nearby creek and cooks it*

Remus: Here

Patton: ...No thanks I'm good

Remus: Okay

Remus: *eats hotdog*

Virgil, Roman: *horror*

Logan: Don't worry, he cooked it, it's perfectly safe

Virgil: WHAT IF IT WASN'T??

Roman: I know that, but WTF, REMUS?

Janus: *watches and laughs and christens it The River Dog*

Patton: *now brings it up every camping trip*

Janus, black veil attached to his bowler hat: This is so sad. I'll miss my husband so much.

Virgil: There's still blood on your hands. You obviously killed him.

Janus: So incredibly sad that my wealthy husband has died.

Virgil: You— This is so suspicious. How does nobody else find this incredibly suspicious?

Patton, hugging Janus: Shhh. He's grieving.

Logan, patting Janus's back: Shhh. He's single.

Logan: Just wrote 'he had sawn it coming.' To bed with me

Janus: At least that's pronounced differently.

Logan: Just wrote offly instead of awfully. Can you tell I'm exhausted?

Janus: Yes, because this is a verbal conversation so I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

Logan: ...

Logan: I'm going to bed.

Janus: Good choice.

It has been long enough that I have now reported in it a separate place, respectfully as always, but fuck tiktok

Tiktok fucking banned one of my favorite sander sides cosplayers (and accounts in general) and this WILL NOT FUCKING STAND

I stg if they don't unban them I'm deleting my account