Dazai: When You See Him, Please Don’t Freak Out Ok?

Chuuya: Osamu, I'm in love with you.

Dazai: I'm sorry, what? Since when?

Chuuya: Idk, it just happened.

Dazai: How? You think I'm annoying.

Chuuya: You are.

Dazai:

Chuuya: It's one of your most endearing qualities.

Dazai: I love you 🥰.

Chuuya: Why should I believe you? All the guys I've dated were dogs.

Dazai:

Chuuya: Well, aren't you gonna say anything?

Dazai:

Dazai: Meow...

Dazai: Babe!

Chuuya: Don’t call me that!

Dazai: Chibi, honey, dear, love, sunshine, slug-

Chuuya: Dazai-

Dazai: Darling, hat rack, sweetheart, my God of fire-

Chuuya: Dazai no-

Dazai: Mi amore, the light of my life, my chihuahua, my doggie, my baby, angel, baby boy, baby girl-

Dazai: My petit mafia, shortie, sweetie-

Chuuya: Are you done?

Dazai: My beloved, the best executive, the anchor of my universe, the loml, my other half, my soulmate..

Chuuya:

Dazai: Ok, now I’m done.

Chuuya: Ok what did you want?

Dazai:

Dazai: Oh I forgot.

Dazai, pulling out an engagement ring: Got it a week after we first met.

Chuuya:

Chuuya, also pulling out a ring: Got it yesterday.

Chuuya: When I have a crush I don't kick my feet or twirl my hair. Chuuya: Instead I am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just can't crack.

Atsushi: Dazai, have you ever thought of getting married ?

Dazai: *gay panic* I'm pregnant!

ada: What?

Dazai: It's Chuuya's.

ada: WHAT?

*meanwhile in the pm*

Chuuya, feeling a disturbance in the force: He said something that will get me into trouble, I can feel it!

Stormbringer!Dazai: My kink is doing stupid shit and watching Chuuya speed-run the five stages of grief as he realises that he still wants to do yaoi stuff with me.

Dazai, walking up to look at a dead body: Okay, first of all, big mood.

Chuuya: Thank you for inviting me to mackerel's wedding today, Kouyou.

Kouyou: Yeah no problem.

Chuuya: This is probably a stupid question, but who is Dazai marrying?

Kouyou: You. You’re the fiancé. This is your wedding with Dazai!

Chuuya: Wait, what?

Mori: There’s your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon.

Kouyou: For a week! No, a month!

Hirotsu: Here’s some money, make it two!

Dazai, walking in: Oh! This is beautiful! Who’s having a wedding today?

Dazai: My feelings for Chuuya are strictly platonic.

Ango: I see...What color are his eyes?

Dazai: Ocean blue, not in a weird way but in a way your ship can get lost in their waves and you’d never want to escape because it feels like an adventure and discovering new things in life...

Odasaku: Right...

Ango: What color are my eyes?

Dazai: Idk brown? Shut up Ango I'm talking about Chuuya.