“no, No —” Her Hand Immediately Shoots Out To Take Chaekyung’s Arm Again, Raising The Other’s

i know you don’t speak my language but i love the way she’s talking to me   —   @lgcamelia, april '21.

it’s one of those days. 

the days where lili couldn’t be fucked to do anything the coaches asked of her — they’d told her time and time again that she should be pushing herself, that securing her spot in whatever choreography they were currently going through wasn’t enough — that she should be front and center, present and determined to do what it takes to prove that she wasn’t going to do the same things she had done at her last company.

as if whatever she had done at said company had warranted such treatment.

( sure she flaked on debut but did that mean she was a flake — lili liked to think not )

so, it comes again — probably the fourth time today — that a coach comes and goes, exasperated at lili’s reeling and appalling plethora of excuses. once more using the — ‘sorry, can’t understand’ — to her advantage.

that is until a trainee — who obviously could understand her — is suddenly brought to the helm and into the throes of lili’s obnoxious display of unintentional rebellion. fuck, there goes her fun.

when the girl comes to her, lili only raises a brow in amused surprise, “huh — that was quick. didn’t think they would send in plan b so soon.” she says in mandarin, flicking the plastic spoon that held the last bites of her yogurt back into its cup. 

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

angel of mine  ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱  

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

•  ໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 18 _ LILI : OFF DUTY 、

something to know about lili was that she was not an early riser.

as someone who loved her beauty sleep — she, more often than not, could be caught snoozing her alarm; it was a sore reminder for the days when she used to room with jiah, and could only rely on the other to wake her up before she left for the day. but without her, relying on herself and her phone’s alarm had made mornings a little harder. 

this particular morning was by far the hardest — waking up early was a bad, waking up even earlier to set up the camera for the most perfect ‘i just woke up like this’ shot was the worst.

blinking the sleep away, a brush of her fist against her eyes as she looks to the camera that she had pointed at her face — a unobscured close up — that lili only smiles to, breathing a rather groggy, “morning.” before laughing and turning away from the camera — pulling the covers up to her nose as she blinks at the time noted in red from across the room on the alarm clock. 6:35, ugh — so early. 

she shuts off the video then, checking the footage first, in the off chance that she’d have to redo that embarrassing display over again — thankfully she does not — and once it’s done with, lili wishes she could just lay back, continue on to dreamland but alas, now that she was up — she was up. 

wandering into the kitchen, lili picks up a banana and a protein shake from the fridge — the initial grimace she usually makes when she takes a gulp of her shake is wiped clean as she remains as passive as possible while going about her morning. 

today’s agenda includes lgc family concert practice — a continuation of some nostalgia stages and others — and her japanese lesson; things she lists off to the camera while finishing off her banana, “and then i get to go home and do my skincare.” she laughs, quietly noting that doing her skincare and makeup may be her favorite parts of her personal time. 

for someone who wasn’t well-versed with documenting every second of her day for someone other than herself to see, lili was quick to fall into ease in front of a camera. propping it against her tumbler; she sits back for her japanese lesson; taking out her usual suspects for the review: her my melody plush pencil case and it’s paired notebook as well as the recording device she usually brought with her to record the teacher’s dictations ( it helps her to repeat the phrases she learned that day when she hears it again spoken by a professional  ); all placed side by side as she waits for the teacher to come in.

it’s kind of funny how diligent lili is in her lesson considering just a couple months ago she had dreaded learning the language all because she had been under the impression that she had been placed in the workshop as a mistake — yet, here she is, almost five months into learning a new language.

maybe it was something she had a knack at — and at this point, after feeling somewhat comfortable in not one, not two, not even three but four languages — lili couldn’t help but feel proud of herself.

she wouldn’t call herself fluent — never, not yet at least — but as she scribbles on her notebook to show to the camera, at the end, she can’t help but feel that she was getting there.

❮  わたしの ほうが かわいいでしょ？  ❯

i'm cute, aren't i?

giggling, she shows what she’s written to the camera, winking as she points at herself before setting the notebook down.

while the day hadn’t been long, lili was more than happy to be home, already slipping on her my melody headband ( not meant for washing faces but don’t tell lili that because she’ll still wear it regardless ) and reaching for her oil cleanser to remove the bits of her mascara, tone up cream and sunscreen. 

her night routine wasn’t some agonizing 10 step system but it definitely did take a while and would keep lili in the bathroom for longer than she should be; it’s why after she washes her face, with a quick pat, she’s returning to her bedroom to do the rest of her skincare; making sure to dry each layer she places on her skin — whether its her toner, serum or emulsions — they each take their time to dry before she places the next. 

she’s left with just her face mask when she’s met with the camera once again — hand waving as she blows a cute kiss it’s way before saying goodnight. 

“愿你走进甜甜梦乡 ~”

may you enter sweet dreamland. 

lili sighs, letting another resigned hand run through her hair. “no, nothing’s hurt.” just my ego — she thinks while trying not to glare at the little boy standing right behind asami who was currently giving her the evil eye. the second asami turns her head, lili throws a stuck-out tongue his way before sidling back up to asami’s side.

“please don’t leave me with them, who knows what else i’ll be subjected to — they’re ….” chaotic, life-sucking, evil gremlins. “unpredictable.” she says instead of all the things she wished she could — but who knows whose ears were listening in and wasn’t it a thing for kids to parrot back everything they hear?

that would not be a good thing.

( especially for lili and her very unrefined filter-less speech )

crossing her arms, she allows asami to gather the kids in front of them; unexpectedly she stands a step behind asami — as if hiding behind her in case of, well, just in case — as the other girl gets the kids to somehow apologize for their wrongdoings.

and lili — despite not wanting to — has to be the bigger person, she was the adult here, right?

right?

once their apologies are given — though, lili thinks they sound a little forced — she nods, sighing, “it’s okay, i forgive you.” a hand reaches out to shake each of their sticky hands without grimacing — +1 for lili! “let’s shake on it.”

Asami does the best she can to pull Lili up as gracefully as she can. Asami isn't necessarily strong, but Lili is light as a feather, so even though her moral wasn't doing well right now, Asami thinks there was no dignity lost in the process.

Asami doesn't miss the way she addresses the kids, either. And even though she doesn't really agree with the terms of endearment, Asami can't stop the little smile from forming on her lips. The kids, indeed could be a little way too much. "But you're okay right? Nothing hurts?" she asks Lili instead as she brushes the older's hair off her shoulder.

Asami is genuinely ready to leave Lili give the kids a earful given the circumstances they've put her on. They are volunteers and not punching bags after all, but before that happens Asami shakes her head when she notices Lili slightly panicking. "No, no, don't worry. It's just that kids can leave lollipops in the weirdest places, but you're alright," and to prove her point she stretches her neck to get a full 360º looking for any damage and could find none. "You're just slightly disheveled, but you're still pretty," she tries to ease her worries before turning to the kids. "Now kids, I hope you understand you weren't really nice to Lili noona. She didn't want to play this game, and when we play we should all want to participate, isn't that what we agreed on?" and she receives a few reluctant nods, "what do we say when we do something wrong, then?" and they obediently turn to Lili to offer her their apologies.

୨୧     SPRING CLEANING     :     1B

WHEN SOMEONE WRONGS YOU, DO YOU RESPOND WITH REVENGE OR FORGIVENESS?

“revenge. it’s simple: you do me wrong, you need to be punished. forgiveness is for fools who are much too kind and … well … forgiving. it’s a fool’s errand to be anything but vengeful when someone does you dirty. they need to learn a special lesson as to why they shouldn’t have wronged you in the first place and i’ll happily teach that to them.”

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

“truth serum?” lili groans, ready to bite her words out of her own mouth, “love. being loved, not being loved, having love and somehow fucking that up because i’m apparently unlovable. also being forgotten … or i guess, unknown works too. is that exchangeable with fame? because in that case i’ll take fame over love. i’d rather be known than forgotten. and since i can’t be loved, i’d fear being unknown more than anything else.”

HOW MUCH DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

“if i cared what anyone else thought, do you think i’d walk around with this proud, nasty attitude?” no, probably not. “i don’t care, but i suppose, saying so would make you think that i do care but i swear i don’t. sure, it hurts my feelings, deeeeeeeep down, but feelings are fleeting, i’ll get over it once i buy a new bag or some new shoes.”

WHAT IS AT THE TOP OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL BUCKET LIST?

“getting out of this hell hole of ambiguity they call being a ‘trainee’. i want to be famous, but not for being famous, i want my fame to be because i’m good at something. so, i suppose, right now, you can say at the top of my professional bucket list is for me to debut. what comes after that, well … maybe some modeling, acting? the world is … like they say, my oyster.”

dark eyes flicker from his face to the very obvious disarray he called his hair. but she says no more — opting to twirl her pencil around deft fingertips, cheek sitting against her palm as she stares, watching him begin to tidy himself up. an endeavor he doesn’t quite see through when he slumps into his chair and she can only bite back a laugh. 

“offended — oh, so you’re hoping to be unalived before the new year? i see, i see.”

she nods, as if making a mental note — even if such a thing will probably be forgotten by the end of the day, knowing her. letting the spiral leave her grasp, she makes a pout — only to have the item returned to her in due time. “and what is this supposed to be?” she asks, even though the obvious was plain for her to see, re-opening the book to the page he was last at — eyeing the new addition just short of the random doodles she had done earlier. 

lili glances up when one of the coaches appears handing out the game's item to the remainder of stragglers that had passed the threshold of their room. reaching over for the item that had been passed around when she had arrived, she tosses the shuttlecock — the jegi — at him, “제기차기.”

"Huh? How did you know?" He fixes his posture momentarily to check himself in the reflection of the window, reaching up smooth down the unruly strands with only his palms and determination. He quickly gives up, sinking back into his chair with a shocking lack of energy. He pulls his backpack closer to his feet when he spots another trainee cutting through the small space between his desk and the one in front of him. He refocuses his attention on his friend, noticing the smirk on her lips.

"I would be offended if I wasn't top three in your hit list." He snatches the notebook from her grasp, turning it on it's side to read her scribbles. He can't make out anything useful besides some interesting doodles. "Is this how the inside of your mind looks like, Lils?" He teases, reaching for the front pocket of his backpack to grab one of his pens. He adds his own mark on the page, facing away from the trainee to keep her from grabbing it back before his masterpiece was done. It was a simplistic doodle of the girl and a butterfly on her shoulder. "Here you go!" He displays the page of the notebook like it was a work art hung on a gallery wall, placing it in front of her before closing the pages. "I'll stop fooling around... What are we learning?"

୨୧     W     :     FINDING YOUR INNER VARIETY STAR   _   2

WHAT DID YOU CONSIDER THE EASIEST & HARDEST PART OF THE WORKSHOP?

“to be funny.” lili wasn’t funny at least when she tried to be — funny had to be an instinctive trait, one that came easy for them, but lili wasn’t like that. “don’t get me wrong, i’m funny, but not when i want to be — at least that’s what people say.” people tell her she’s funny but lili didn’t think so, if anything, she believed she was a far cry from it.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL SATISFACTION WITH THE WORKSHOP?

“out of ten?” lili thinks on it, pausing for a moment before, nodding her head, satisfied with what she’s come up with, “i’d say ten. astrid 선배님 had a lot to share and tried her best to make us comfortable.” and when lili said she tried, she really did try — but it wasn’t enough for lili to cross her boundaries and her ego, unfortunately. at the ripe age of twenty-four, lili was already set in stone and could not (rather, would not) compromise herself in the name of variety. and maybe that had been her downfall from the beginning.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A FOLLOW-UP WORKSHOP ON THE SAME TOPIC?

should she be honest — would it look bad on her if she was? or should she lie? she was good at that — through her teeth, tongue to cheek, a gentle, slow breath before she says what’s exactly on her mind: “no, i think i’m just not suited for variety, at least, if i were to go by myself. i feel like i’m a go with the flow, rely on people i know type of variety person but if i was just the individual guest? i don’t think i’m funny enough for that — or i suppose, it just depends on the type of variety. gags and the like, please refrain from recommending me.” was that a bit much? maybe but lili had to draw the line somewhere. this workshop had proved that this was not the line of work she wanted to be associated with.

and lili did not know what she was doing — alas, before she had known it, a day had become five. five had become ten and oh, time in the poisoned gardens had gone so fast that lili hadn’t the slightest clue just how fast it had come to her twentieth day. “is that so …” she trails off, trying to recount just how long she’s been there, only to come up short. had it really been twenty days already? it had only felt like yesterday she had arrived with a sick feeling burrowing deep into her stomach. 

“but it’s nothing bad, right?” suddenly, she feels her heart quicken; there was no telling how much, nor how long the poison had accumulated within her. time had become a construct of a consciousness lili had retired from the moment she had stepped foot into the gardens. “right … i mean, i think i feel fine. don’t i look fine?”

the sap brings her back to the present, if not momentarily; pulling the other along, quick hurriedly around the bend where she had first hid from the girl. the tree from where the sap had come from had risen high above their heads but its branches sagged to their ankles, kissing their feet with their leaves. the sap she had been snacking on the past few days lay from a part of the tree lili had punctured with her zan.

“i do?” the answer comes off a string of her own slurred speech, replying to miyu a beat too late — after having mumbled through her own set of confusion. “i guess i don’t feel well. i’ve been feeling sick to my stomach since i got here but it comes and goes so i haven’t been thinking much of it. oh no — miyu! what do i do, am i going to die?” the panic sets in, a brazen trail of fear striking her heart and running her hands cold as she grasps onto miyu, a mere whisper of her words as she tries to calm herself albeit failing as she looks to the other girl. “is there something we can do?” 

"the most pleasant of surprises," miyu's laughter rings throughout the garden. "it's nice to see you again, promise."

it's hard to keep up with what lili is saying, her words coming out too fast. it's a bit concerning, really. miyu's brow forms a crease.

"you don't know? supposedly after spending twenty days in the garden you develop some kind of poison immunity," she tells lili. "it's not forbidden, but i wouldn't recommend it unless you know what you're doing," miyu frowns, wondering why it seemed like the other wanted to stay in the garden for an extended period of time.

"that must have been the sap i was looking for! you'll have to show me where you found it, but, lili, are you . . . " she trails off, biting her lip trying to find the right words. "are you okay? you seem," she pauses for a moment, looking into the other's eyes. "you seem, off, like something's wrong."

“you flatter me. it’s hardly professional,” the pristine bow says otherwise but the words are almost automatic — a false sense of humility that never really suited lili falls from her lips and even though she, emi and the world probably know she’s the furthest thing from humble, lili relishes in the compliment. “just a little extra, sure, but it’s christmas. and i’m kind of in a giving mood.”

and lili leaves the reasoning at that.

once she’s secured the ribbon to the box, she makes quick work on pulling the bow into it’s shape and finishing it by curling its ends for the final spiral. “and it’s done!” probably her best accomplishment of the year, but who was really counting.

placing the gift with the rest, she looks to emi and at her own array of dressed up gifts and smiles, “and you were saying i was professional — yours are exactly like the ones i pick up at the department stores for the holidays all crisp corners and all.” the kids probably wouldn't care for the effort — already imagining them ripping the pretty wrapping to shreds — but lili had always appreciated anything pretty, especially when they were gifts.

something about christmas was frankly, just magical. the whole holiday season somehow made her feel better-- despite the chilling cold that seeped into the bones, and the sometimes loneliness that came with not getting to spend it back home, depending on funds and how busy they were. this though, this seemed to re-ignite her spirit just a bit. it was nice, getting to get together and make things look pretty-- now that she was good at.

she's just adjusting some frills of her own when lili gets her attention, dark eyes looking over and meeting her eyes, before they're casting down to see her tiny dilemma. she offers a chuckle, nodding as she's leaning to offer her finger, holding the piece in place. "wow, this looks really good. you must have spend a while on it. i like doing this, but that looks professional!"she comments.

satisfied with his answer, lili only beams in response. maybe she should call it luck that the cameras were rolling — getting an complimentary answer from minkyu as so has never been easier. 

“alright, alright, picasso. i can’t wait to see what you come up with.” she teases, eyes shining bright as she looks from the set of colors she had already swiped to her side to him. 

every now and then, her eyes briefly glance his way — a mirror of the image she was trying to transfer to the kite itself. unfortunately, lili was no artist — not in this way at least — but she makes the most of her materials and does her best to her strengths.

in the end, her kite looks more reminiscent of those old school shoujo mangas she and taeha used to pour over back in high school in between competitions; how she had remembered such a small detail is beyond her — but here it is, drawn in it’s full length: accented with big yellow stars and overly-drawn pink and blue flowers to surround the image of minkyu in the style of a shoujo protagonist from the 90’s. 

her ears perking when she hears his completion and she immediately snaps up the kite before his eyes could take in what she had made — smile already just that bit triumphant and overall pleased with what she had come up with.

“okay — i’m ready.” she takes a breath before initiating the countdown —

“one …. two …. three!” 

once sung, she spins her kite in time with his only to feel her lips crinkle in amusement; laughter already on the cusp of her tongue as she tries to choke out a — “is that supposed to be keroppi?? or is it kermit?” 

Off-camera, if this were truly Lili and Minkyu in their natural states, her comment about Hollywood actresses would be met with a snarky reply;

Minkyu would likely respond with something along the lines of how she’s pretty cute, but there’s no way she could compare to someone like Anne Hathaway.

This, of course, would all be in playful jest, never serious, always lighthearted. But the cameras are rolling, and while Minkyu always strives to present his most genuine self to the viewers and fans ( slash girlfriends ), he knows this moment calls for sweetness;

it's a moment meant to quicken Lili's heartbeat and those of the audience.

So he gives her a sweet smile, one that seems reserved solely for her, and gently lifts his free hand to fix a stray lock of her bangs. "You should already know you're much cuter than any Hollywood actress." he says, his voice soft and sincere.

Even as they sit down, his perpetual half-smile remains, his eyes scanning the array of tools before quickly picking up the right markers and pens to decorate the kite.

"You'll be surprised. I'm the modern Picasso!" he declares with a playful brow wiggle in her direction, almost charming, before his focus returns to the kite.

He's chosen the same colors as her favorite plushie, even attempting to draw a chibi version of it. Though it hasn’t turned out perfectly, it's recognizable enough.

After a few minutes, he looks back up, a grin on his lips as he hides the result of his craft with his arms. "Okay, let's show what we've created on the count of three!"