Dark Eyes Flicker From His Face To The Very Obvious Disarray He Called His Hair. But She Says No More

“please.” she nearly whines.

picture this: lili — a woman who held all the grace and poise in the world in a singular fingernail. now throw all that grace and poise out the window and replace it with contempt and a blood-thirst for revenge then you’d have the xu lili of today, or more precisely, of right now.

she groans as she feels asami pull her up with all the strength she could muster. “these little urchin — i mean gremli — kids thought it’d be funny to give me a nudge,” that was putting it kindly. feeling herself unsteady at the soles, she uses asami’s shoulder to steady herself before letting go of the other woman’s hand with a grim smile — ‘smile’, really, because lili had nothing to smile about because the kids who tried to unalive her were literally standing beside them looking as disappointed as ever at their failed attempt. 

“now that wasn't nice, right, kids?” she asks a bit more sternly than she should before asami’s comment catches up with her and a hand flies to her head, lips dropping open in horror — “what? oh no — what’s wrong with it?” her hand immediately combs through it, hoping that nothing had caught into the strands. 

Here, surrounded by stuffed animals, all Asami could think about was her niece and if her brother had given her the stuffed bear, she got her when she was born. She’s more than six months old now, certainly a kid could be trusted to have one of those without suffocating or something, right?

Helping the kids felt like a good way to practice, to be honest, since Asami doesn’t have a lot of time to go back to Tokyo and actively participate in her niece’s life. She must learn how to me an aunt sooner rather than later, after all, and volunteering, despite not being her first choice for a Saturday activity, wasn’t all that bad. She enjoys being around children, and after the birth of little miss Mayumi, her liking of the little ones has seemed to increase theoretically. With her busy schedule, it’s not like she sees children all that often after all.

Asami is only pulled out of her reverie when she hears someone ask for help, and she wishes it was easier to find the source, but it really wasn’t since the stuffed animals, “Hi, uhm, I just need a second,” Asami says as she tries looking and see if any of the children are of any help. They aren’t. She must definitely look a little too silly, and she definitely looked comical like a cartoon character when she found the person in need because her mouth opened in a perfect O shape. “Lili unnie, my god, how did you end up there?” Asami offers her a hand and pulls her up. Despite her best instincts, Asami lets herself smile a little, “your hair is all over the place. I hope you didn’t land on leftover candy. Can I help you?”

PIECE OF ME     ୨୧     @lgcminnie     /     “miiiiiiiiinnie,” lili practically whines as she’s pouring over the karaoke book; the song she had wanted to sing after her grand slam of a performance of wicked’s defying gravity was no where to be found. it had torn her hopes of one-upping such a performance that lili wanted a little pick-me-up. and what better than to be the nosy little bee that she was known and hated loved for. “did you pick a song yet? i can’t find the one i wanted to sing.” 

honestly, it was probably in a different book. 

taking a sip of her drink, lili glances around the room — taking in the sights, the stares, and the oh la la : did her eyes deceive her or did someone just get chocolates a day late? very interesting.

“did you see that! i think he just handed her some chocolates,” lili whispers behind a not so subtle hand, dropping it almost immediately when the scene disperses before it can really lead to well, anything — how disappointing. “well, that was a bust. oh right, how was white day for you? did you get any chocolates? someone gave me matcha ones that tasted like grass.” it was gross and yet, out of the kindness of her heart, lili regifted it to the janitor this morning.

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 15 、

round and round it goes.

where it stops — no one knows. 

she pulls the string once more, ricocheting the top into the floor. the clatter it makes as it hits the ground does not strip her from her reverie, irises hypnotized by the spin and pull of the game. finally a game that she had a knack at — that didn’t require her to think or to do or to ace at the first go. all it took was a pull of the twine and the top would fall apart from her fingertips. ready to split the ground beneath it as it run amok around them. 

and run it does, running in circles from point a to point z. never in the same place, its center of gravity teetering fast until it tilts a little too far on one side, collapsing upon itself as it topples. a pause in the game as she snatches it up to start all over again. 

again, it’ll spin round and round.

where it stops — her eyes will go.

follow it until the end, like an expectant child would to a mother.

or like what she believes an expectant child would do in the presence of one it fawned over. lili would no know better. like the top, she finds herself spinning and spinning — fast and furious through the lanes of people, around people, through people, continuing on until her own center of gravity tilts — and she stops, 

all to begin again.

because like a top, lili finds herself adjusting — forcing herself to acclimate to places unfamiliar, submerging head first into a game she doesn’t know, but must learn in order to survive. 

like a top, she’ll spin — spin and spin because she’s at the mercy of someone else.

the top pivots at the will of her pull, like she bends for the validation of others. begging for acceptance, vying for a win amongst the multitude of losses just stacked against her. 

fingers pull at the string once more.

and again, she’ll spin — spin, spin.

round and round, it goes.

where she’ll stop? no one knows. 

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

family con is always my favorite time of the year! what was your favorite performance? mine was obviously performing i got a boy and so hot with everyone! will i see you all tomorrow? let’s go another day 💗

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

•  ໒꒱ . CHUSEOK # 2024 、

lili wakes in a bed not her own on september seventeen.

the middle of the week, from below, seoul had become a ghost town; veteraned city dwellers crawling back to their hometowns for the three-day holiday. from where she woke, lili lays in bed, still stuffed in her pajamas and the lush terry-cloth robe afforded by the hotel.

it takes her a moment to react, still trying to figure out how and why she was anywhere but her bed in the dormitory or her bed in her apartment in cheongdam then she remembers and kind of wishes she doesn’t. pulling the covers over her head when she hears the notable knock on the door, the sign of the room service she had requested the night before when she had been left on her own by the end of the day.

ramming her feet into the pair of slippers at the end of the bed, she makes to the door — still not ready to start the day but it was now or never.

and well, lili was never one to dwell on spilled milk, anyways.

( even if the traces of such a thing were still found having run dry on her cheeks )

having promised her september sixteen for her time, lili still could not believe it. it was unheard of, yes, and lili, quite frankly, hadn’t expected her grandmother to be so proactive in scheduling for her time and yet, lili could not help but be excited. 

expected to spend the day, arriving to seoul that very afternoon, they had booked a quiet lunch at a hotel in myeongdong. it had been months since she last saw her grandmother, was it last year that she had seen her last? it had been that long.

with a laundry list of grievances, lili puts it behind her, puts her best ( read: newest ) dress on and rides to myeongdong with a smile that could not be contained. even the driver, who’s known lili since she had arrived in seoul, finds it questionable but doesn’t press her for it, lest it loses its shine from the most minor intrusion.

arriving on time — consideredlate in her grandmother’s book — she rides to the top floor, all the nerves and anguish bundled in her tiny fist as she clutches her fendi to her chest and steps, head held high, towards the hostess.

the expected, “your party has already arrived, follow me.” makes lili’s insides twist but her smile doesn’t fall; keeping in time with the woman as she follows behind to a pair of doors centered at the back of the restaurant, it’s patrons littered to a select few due to the nature of the holiday.

when the other makes a move to open the doors, lili stops her, thanking her for her guidance only for lili to take a hand to the knob herself. she needed the moment to be alone, she needed the breath that she had been holding in ever since she had stepped off the lift.

with a brief one, two — inhale, exhale — she pulls the door away from its hinges, stepping into the room.

and her guise falls.

her expectations have run dry and to no one’s surprise, her smile finally loses its luster.

“so, where is she?” she asks, taking her seat across from one of her grandmother’s lesser-of-importance assistants. one who probably knew korean and wouldn’t have minded the mini-vacation, the one that she had been granted after she took care of the errand her grandmother had sent her on.

the errand?

breaking the news to her beloved granddaughter.

“beijing. they’re awarding her for her work in the eco-development of ….” that’s when lili tunes her out, feeling the grip on her fist loosen as her eyes lose sight of the person in front of her and all she wants to do — all she really can do is wait there until the woman finishes whatever she was ordered to do.

“the chairwoman paid for your stay at the hotel, if you’d like to eat we can also order a meal.”

that’s when lili stands, fingers now digging into the beads of her bag. “no, let’s go to the room, i’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

she watched the assistant round the table and knew the other was counting her blessings; out of all the things lili could do, she was lucky to have found a day lili was too tired to try.

making someone’s life hell could be saved for another day, lili was too busy trying to pick up the pieces of her pride.

they ride down to a different level and lili follows her down the winding hallway to a suite on the far side of the floor. 

a hand waves the key card to its function and the click of the door has it open before lili can slip from her daze.

“would you like me to —”

“actually,” she cuts in, then, hand on the door to stop the other from entering. “i’d like to be alone. please wish my grandmother a happy 中秋节 for me.”

she had the sense to know that, at least, her grandmother would check in whether the assistant had completed her job before she would ever pick up the phone to actually call lili about it — not when the fuse and all the dramatics that come with it had been lit.

leaving lili with the room key, the door closes and the first thing lili does is toss her bag to the bed, noticing the packed suitcase by the balcony door and she can’t help but laugh. the woman really had planned it all despite saying she would make time for her.

and rather than own up to her mistake of ever promising anything, she found a way around it, with a non-apology of money — the stuffed pack had barely fit in her bag — and a paid stay at a luxury hotel hotel. 

lili knew she shouldn’t have held her expectations — 

fuck, but she had already let them run away with her before she could help it, she thinks, sinking herself into the comfort of a warm duvet and the low-lit chandelier. feeling the depths of the silence render her emotional. 

had the quiet ever felt so lonely as it did today? 

she tells herself she’ll allow herself the tears. she’s granted it this one time and after that, she’ll never think of it again for the rest of the year.

what lili doesn’t consider is the way the tears come and never stop.

this is super late but since lili is participating in the writing challenge for this term, i would love to get her some more threads and/or new plots/connections, if you have more space this term for something new, i'd love to connect! please like this and i'll drop by a message your way! + lili is on the animal crossing team for the halloween secret rewards / gig 025, if anyone is free for another thread!

ONLY HOTTIES SHARE A BRAIN CELL. must lili say more? — @lgcmaylin

time flies and once october comes knocking, lili’s favorite holiday is nearly here — second to her birthday, of course. ( and that’s nearly a month and some away )

shocker, lili loves being a scream queen — it was practically her birthright but with the proposed concept for the party, this time, she finds herself struggling to wrack her head for a costume that would fit the bill. it wasn’t like lili spent her time playing games — not when her grandmother practically left no room in her adolescent schedule to actually enjoy her adolescence with adolescent things like, well, video games.

and while she’s at least heard of the games — she can’t say she can recall a character from the top of her head except that weird italian plummer and lili had already deemed that he was decidedly unsexy and well — she wanted to be the opposite of that.

can you say mamma mia!

“i want to dress sexy this year … is that too much to ask?” her eyes scan the halls, halloweek had chanced upon them without so much of a hello. the white rabbits stuck to miscellaneous things were the crumbs to the game — a bit much considering she had more dire, sexy problems to handle. finding one hidden in the crack of a door, lili rolls her eyes as she reads the ‘take me’, letting the card sway back and forth caught between her fingers. “do you have any idea of who you’re going to be for the party?”

“and it doesn’t bother you at all?” insane. absolute insanity. country folk were definitely built different, lili thinks.

“a bit.” she mumbles, even if she could still smell the horrible stench of chicken poop, it did help a little — enough that lili couldn’t keep herself from winding her arms around the other girl out of gratitude, as if the smallest gesture had somehow warmed lili’s frozen heart in a matter of seconds. 

she wouldn’t call the other her life savior but it was a start, wasn’t it?

she smiles beneath the cloth, a laugh teetering at the tip of her tongue. “what would i have done without you?” probably suffered the rest of the day and then some, but she cuts to the chase. pulling herself off the other girl as she stabilizes her squat and stares into the dirt. “i just wish there was something i could spray into it, though. maybe it would help it.”

[ ♥ ]

jaekyung was a perceptive person. she could tell that some took to their variety location less enthusiastic than others. if she'd been a born city girl, perhaps she'd been the same. however growing up on a farm on the country side equipped her with skills that fortunately lead her to approach this outing with a feeling of nostalgia and joy while breathing through the tasks with an ease only someone familiar with the tasks could portray.

"I'm used to it," she thus tells lili as the girl falls down into a crouch beside her. exhibit a of classic city girl. "I grew up on a farm. so this isn't anything new for me," the girl continues to reason with a grin on her lips.

she did however take pity on the poor female who was obviously having a bad time. not wanting her to receive potential bad feedback from the moment this went live, jaekyung decided to help her out. "come here. I have an idea." taking her gloves off she made use of the towel that hung close by, sure to do a quick sniff test before she tied it in a way that would allow lili's nose to remain covered and hopefully kill some of the smell. "better?"

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

graceful? she’s as stiff as a board, no charisma whatsoever !!! so lifeless

she’s so pretty, it’s a shame it doesn’t translate into her dancing ㅋㅋ

getting a lili reveal wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card but she’s already captured my heart ♡ 

i love the way she dances! this is truly one of my favorite videos i've seen from legacy in quite a while tbh!!

^ you must have been watching a totally different video than i was... i wanted to see her do more than dancing because in this industry, you need to be multitalented and this video makes me assume that she can only do one thing and that's dancing....... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

▷ 𝐋𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬

໒꒱ . XU LILI _ 1V1 CONSULATION 、WORKSHOP # 002

lili prided herself on her one on one evaluations with her coaches. something about receiving critiques empowered her, in a way. if they flat-out told her she sucked, it evoked an irrational sense of determination in her. if they flattered her, it validated her. in the end, it was a win-win situation that worked in her favor. 

“ WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE YOUR STRENGTHS RIGHT NOW? ”

her strengths have always been her most steadfast of skills — they were what made it easy for lili to transition from some no name agency to the likes of legacy in a matter of weeks. her defaults came easy, rolling off the tongue in a crescendo of confidence that she wonders why seo youngjae had bothered wasting his breath. “singing, dancing, modeling — it’s a triple threat combination that i feel like i’ve perfected.” and to this day, lili believes is her clandestine repetotoire for her future and yet — "do you not agree?" she asks, at point blank, because if seo youngjae didn't, then obviously lili was not working hard enough. ( and that irked her )

“ WHAT ARE THREE SKILLS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO WORK ON IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS? ”

she ponders this, and realizes the slight deflation in her response. it’s no surprise to anyone that her confidence had taken hit after hit in recent months. being looked over and not even considered for certain projects had been low blows that lili had tried her best to not get to her — since nobody asked, lili assumed she had done a good job in not showing it. but now, as the cards are laid down on the table and lili is asked to foresee what she could possibly do more — she feels affronted, almost affixed to her thoughts. “i feel like i’ve fallen short on my performance” — lili only says because coach jang insung had told her something along the same lines in passing the other day and if insung noticed, there was no way it wasn’t going to be brought up today. and lili knew better than to hide from the inevitable. “so, i’d probably work on my performance.” there was also that small stint as an extra for that film project, not much came of it but lili did like her time there even if she didn’t have lines, and if her face was covered — it was something. “maybe try working on my acting, actually being on a set had struck something in me, i guess. i couldn’t really stop thinking about it.” it was her way of saying she liked it without being so upfront about it. “i was also thinking of trying my hand at hosting but if i don’t like it … i could just keep working on my singing, i still have yet to really perfect my whistle tone.” 

“ IF GIVEN A CHANCE, WHAT TYPES OF GIGS WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING? ”

“with my current understanding, i feel i would be better suited to modeling and acting opportunities. i am interested in hosting but i don’t think i’m quite well-suited to them yet. otherwise, for modeling and acting, i feel like while i lack experience, i have learned enough about the field and have shown my interest enough that i would be easier for me to adapt to them.” a long-winded answer that, in hindsight, sounds almost rehearsed. and for that, lili’s fingers sneak into the side of her trousers for a slight pinch. it was an answer — eloquent, smooth, almost convincing in nature — that almost mimicked something her grandmother would have ate up and lili … at this point in her consultation, wanted to be honest — apparently, some habits were just too hard to forgo. 

“ DURING YOUR TIME HERE IN LEGACY, WHAT ARE SOME OF THE LESSONS THAT YOU’VE LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF? ”

while not something she learned while at legacy, she finds it’s something that is becoming more and more of a hindrance to her growth and it’s — “i’m impatient. i feel like i’m ready for whatever it is you’ve yet to guarantee me.” but no matter how impatient she is, she finds herself drowning in this impatience. “and it makes me make more mistakes than i’m used to. i feel like i need to learn better ways to calm myself and/or learn how to be patient.” the latter is easier said than done, so lili prays for the former more than anything. and while lili does not beg, her words seem to beg to differ. 

"we'll talk more in april."

lili leaves feeling like she’s said something she shouldn’t have. a fault of saying too much to ears that only nitpicked to their heart’s desire. a disadvantage, lili thinks, as she walks away from her meeting with youngjae with an almost bitter taste in her mouth. suddenly, lili did not care for how fast time felt. she did not look forward to april.