୨୧     SPRING CLEANING     :     1B

there were many things lili should be right now:

encouraging, sympathetic — even more, empathetic — a good pillar of support to a friend who was going through something that lili could only understand at surface level.

what lili should not be right now is bitter.

but her little green friend sits high on her shoulder, on a pedestal of envy that could not be toppled with something as heartfelt as ‘being a good friend’. no, lili had never been a good friend — even when she tried her hardest, at her core, she was a selfish friend who was also ambitious to a fault. so, when she sees someone else who had something that she wanted and could never get — well, something had to give.

unfortunately, lili was not a giving person.

( at least not in that way )

yujin was only being honest. and any good, trustworthy friend should be considerate to the other’s feelings. but was there anything lili could say to remedy the situation that didn’t sound so … volatile? nothing seemed to come to mind, everything that nearly dripped from her lips felt like a slap to the face waiting to happen. 

so, instead, she sighs when yujin regresses and instantly she feels a pang of guilt shoot right into her gut at how she had nearly bit the other's head off, but before she could stop herself and lessen the blow; her ugly head reared itself again, “so, you got everything you could have ever wanted, yujin, the pressure should have been expected as a trade off to debuting, right?”

there was always a give and take with these things — fame wasn’t given to the weak. "wasn’t this why we spent all this time training so that we wouldn’t break under this type of pressure?"

yujin knew how lucky she was to be in this position after failing future dreams. the doom she felt in her chest the following week was unsettling, and she started to prepare what she would do if she couldn't debut. she had trained for so many years that not debuting on that show had felt like all her hard work was starting to slip through her fingers.

to debut into crystallis, there was a new set of pressure on her shoulders, and yujin felt it from the managers and the fans, who probably weren't so pleased with the latest additions to the group. for the rest of her career, she will play catch-up with the other girls and constantly prove her worth, that she has every right to be there on that stage.

these words shamelessly slipped from the blonde's mouth to her friend, lili. she didn't want to complain or seem ungrateful, but there was something still so unsettling about her placement now. it would take time for her to get used to everything, to being an idol and in a group that was already so well established. there was always going to be some sort of struggle in this journey, but as long as she was able to get this off her chest, yujin would feel better.

well, she thought she would feel better if the tone shift didn't make yujin fidget in her seat. there was a small smile that tightened on her lip. maybe she was thinking way too much into this.

"ah, nothing... i think it was just something i needed to share with someone i trust. you work so hard to get to this point, and you never realize the amount of pressure set on you to be perfect."

the date lottery is far from lili’s reality — if anything, it’s her very own acting reel that she needs to polish up. and lili ain’t no actor — but what she is is competitive. so, she plays the show like how she plays her most precious, most interesting of games.

the more she can make the viewers believe that she’s falling for minkyu and his charistmatic charms — and vice versa — the more rewards she hopes to reap. ( whatever rewards may that be —  it keeps things interesting ) at any rate — from the subtle twinkle she spies in minkyu’s gaze; an unspoken agreement seems to form extended from their previous verbal wager — at least they’re on the same page.

“you’ve never skiied before?” the declaration would have otherwise bothered lili — why else would we be at the slopes if you don’t know how to ski? but she remains patient, calming that irritating little devil in her in favor for the calm and tranquil persona she was trying to portray; her brows furrow in a gentle confusion before her lips form a precious smile, almost amused at the thought.

“well, you’re in luck. my grandma has brought me to the slopes almost every winter without fail,” her grandmother had brought her once and left her to fend for herself with strict russian instructors. “so you could say i got a lifetime of snowledge.” kill her — kill her now. her smile brightening despite the cringy dialogue, trying not to laugh at her own demise as she looks to minkyu.

“i’ve been told i’m a good teacher, too.”

no one has ever — on this earth — told her such a thing.

her surprise is paused — a slow lift of the brow as she watches minkyu descend upon one knee. “thank you.” settling onto the seat, she quickly undoing her moon boots in favor of the ski boots that minkyu helps her into. a hand reaches out gently to hold his shoulder to still her movements as she digs her feet, one after the other, into each boot; making sure they’re properly in and not loose. leaning close to inspect her shoes, she turns her chin to look at minkyu, the hand at his shoulder squeezes it lightly, in kind, as her smile is practically beaming. “they fit perfectly, shall i help you with yours?”

From the very beginning of their fake dating experience, one thing Minkyu has been consistently grateful for how effortlessly Lili aligns with his vision of what to portray: the perfect blend of sweet, romantic gestures designed to set hearts fluttering, both among the fans and the ever-adoring staff.

“Well, well,” he muses, a playful lilt in his voice as he sweeps a hand through the crisp winter air, guiding her past the entrance gate toward the ski rental. “You and I, my dearest Lili, are about to embark on our very own ski adventure, from way up there,” he points toward the towering peak of the slope, “all the way back down here.” The distant echoes of laughter and excited chatter from other skiers weave into the moment, painting a picture of a perfect winter wonderland.

He exhales, a chuckle escaping as he admits, “I have to be honest... coming from Busan, where the sun is king, I’ve never actually been skiing before.” His confession is lighthearted, almost sheepish, as they step into the rental shop, where an employee has conveniently already prepared skis in their sizes.

But rather than simply handing Lili her pair, Minkyu’s expression softens. With an easy grace, he gestures for her to take a seat on the wooden bench before lowering himself onto one knee. His usual bravado gives way to something gentler; his voice quieter now, almost intimate.

“Let me help you put them on.” he says, fingertips brushing against the bindings with care. Because even if this is all for show, he’s determined to make it feel real.

“who’s that again? show me a picture.” lili was nothing but a visual learner — it also kept her mind off of trying to figure out how to shove herself into those unseemly nintendo characters. 

maybe she should have taken a page out of minseo’s book and browsed the extensive animal crossing critter catalogue — there was amany of those, the possibilities endless; but she had already dressed as a sexy fox last year; this year she wanted to do something different.

“more of a nerd than the one who came up with this quasi-alice in wonderland treasure hunt? what’s with these cards?” though fun to find, she was wondering what the point of these were. and yet again, another ‘eat me’ falls into her hands.

Halloween never gets old for maylin. every year brought something new and exciting for the dancer to try out. planning her costumes a month in advance was the way to go, but with this new theme, she could never use it unless she was lucky next year. to say she wasn't pissed off is an understatement.

there was no way in hell she could come up with something cool on such short notice and her disappointment showed in her expression, bottom lip jutted out into a pout as she ventured out into the decorated halls of lgc. whoever created this theme would get some words from her (anonymously, of course).

"whoever picked this year's theme is a nerd... who wants to dress up as Nintendo characters? what are we, five?" maylin grumbled, eyes scanning the halls for any sign of some kind of card they had to retrieve. she had already found the 'drink me' card stuck inside the beverage machines. why she participated in these things, she doesn't know. but it was a good excuse to be at lili's side while they chatted. "after doing a lot of research on who even belonged to the franchise, I did find those bayonetta characters. they are the sexiest characters I could find."

and possibly the only fun characters that ranged between any mario or animal crossing game that seemed to be their most popular creations to date.

she doubts it — but lili should be thankful for zoe’s optimism. it might be the only thing keeping her hopeful for the rest of the day until the ride home. just a couple more hours and they were home free — at least, this is what lili thought.

lili was not a work with what’s available but god told her beggars could not be choosers — and it is only today that she realizes the truth of those exact words. with a grim smile and a hand to hide it she feigns a dramatic sigh before falling onto zoe’s shoulder, “don’t worry, zoe, once we get back, you’ve got a ginseng chicken soup with your name on it on my dime, i swear it.”

only a couple more hours, she tells herself, and lili is near ready to  buy their whole dormitory soup if she needs to speed up the process. sitting up straight, she raises a brow, genuinely pondering what part of the weekend that she enjoyed — sparingly — there were times here and there she liked, if she truly could get out of her nitpicking ways to admit it. 

“mm,” she thinks for a minute longer because it was genuinely that hard for her to find some part of the weekend she actually found enjoyable — because knowing lili, this weekend was not her top ten — nor top one hundred — best picks of a good time. “spending time with you and jiah, i guess. but like —“ she lowers her voice to a whisper, a hand raised to cover her lips lest their be lip-readers in their midst. “i already hang out with you guys back home and at least there we have cell service.” before dropping her hand. “but i guess the chickens were kinda cute — smelly, but cute. kinda like you.” she laughs before pinching the other’s cheek, “kidding but you definitely did stink after friday.” 

— 🐰 » 

Zoe watched Lili with a mix of amusement and concern, noting the exhaustion etched in her friend's features despite her attempts to maintain a smile. Being on their feet for hours wasn't easy, especially when trying to promote something as seemingly mundane as soap bars at a fair.

"Grace, indeed," Zoe replied, her accent softening with empathy. She could sense Lili's frustration, the subtle strain in her voice as she talked about luck. Zoe leaned more toward believing in hard work, but she understood how luck could sometimes sway things.

Zoe chuckled and shook her head. "Well, you're so right there, but I guess we'll just have to work with what's available. Who knows, maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised today," she said optimistically to Lili's mention of the disappointing food, though she shared her doubts about the culinary offerings.

The mention of ginseng chicken soup brought a wistful smile to Zoe's face. "That does sound amazing," she agreed, imagining the warmth of the soup on a chilly day like today. "But hey, even if the food isn't great, at least we have each other's company," she added, playfully nudging Lili.

Zoe's gaze softened as she looked at her friend, silently offering her support. "Hey, amidst all this chaos, did you manage to enjoy any part of the day?" she asked, genuinely interested in hearing Lili's perspective.

BY GOOD WILL OR GOOD LUCK? is this lili being nice or is it just luck? — @lgckyoka

one would think — if you’ve been through one thing, something similar to it would be a breeze?

well, to lili, she’d say you were dead wrong. 

( because no two things could be the same, there was always something different )

thankfully, this was not one of those times — these were one of the times she’s able to bless her lucky stars for being so god-damned, four-leaf clover lucky. but perhaps luck had nothing to do with it — because, again, if you’ve been through one thing, you’ve been through it all. 

and since lili had painstakingly gone through grueling work to learn japanese just for some mock hosting gig that never saw the light of day — to do it again, but in korean — a language she would say she was a little more than familiar with, well — lili would tell you she just won the lottery.

that is how lucky she thinks such a task is.

a breeze, it would be — despite her initial belief ( read above ) — because wasn’t hosting all about self confidence? and apparently, lili had that in spades.

and by her good fortune — maybe she was feeling nice or maybe she felt bad for kyoka — she saddles up next to the other after an afternoon lesson, glancing over at the other’s notes before pointing at a phrase she notices with her sparkly pink pen. 

“is this what you wrote for the exercise earlier? the one about improvising a music show scene?”

finally peace and quiet — the perfect place to dish out her grievances without the annoying coaches butting their unnecessary comments in rebuttal to lili’s own annoying complaints.

she was not some dancing monkey at the circus who could work for peanuts — or was it bananas, irrelevant! — lili needed her breaks ( and a place to complain, freely ), too. it wasn’t like she was the only one who had been idling during the break — she was in the middle of an important phone call!

( sure, it had just been a small here and there of whispered complaints to seojin about how she hated catallena with a burning passion but it wasn’t not important as one of the coaches had said — it was important to lili, there was merit in her complaints, alright! )

sliding her phone back into her pocket, she pries herself out of the restroom she had holed herself in to avoid the coaches other unmentionable and otherwise unwarranted pieces of advice when she had received maylin’s text that it was time to go back. 

faced with another trainee — so, that was who had come bustling in with the slammed door and all — lili looks her once over. noticing the slight leveling of the other’s breath, she wonders if she should intrude — the other did look like she was trying to find a moment of peace. obviously another person who couldn’t find such in the stuffy practice room — a thought lili feels induce a smirk of satisfaction, one she stamps out immediately when she notices the water on the other’s cheek.

stilling her movements, lili goes to wash her hands, quietly — trying to find leeway for a conversation, wondering if she should even start one. 

( she didn’t really care for it but lili just couldn’t help but want to pry — )

drying her hands on a paper towel, lili pretends to fuss for a second, maybe two, before she reaches for another towel and hands it to the other girl. “sarang, right?” she makes a movement with her other hand, tapping at her cheek as if to say ‘you have something on your face’. “they’re telling us that we have to head back.” 

it had just been a pretty shit day.

it started with her class, those outside of legacy. sarang wasn't sure if it was something as simple as waking up on the wrong side of the bed but she felt off from the moment she opened her eyes. that feeling only increased as she made her way through the day. but that was horrible enough but then it came to training and it felt like an out of body experience.

she thought she'd be fine with 'ah-choo' but nothing was coming together. mistakes had been made, moves missed, her voice wasn't strong enough. nothing was right and that only served to stress her out more because she hated getting things wrong. for someone who chased perfection, anything less than that was earth shattering. it didn't help that it was public either.

by the time they finally broke for a break, sarang only took a seconds of inching towards the door before she bolted for the bathroom. she headed straight for a mirror, quietly trying to talk herself down.

bad days happened but this one was rough. rough enough that she had to splash some water on her face and take the time to breathe. right now, she knew she didn't paint the prettiest of pictures, bend over the sink that she sick, breathing just a tad too heavily. it'd past, it had too. she had to get back before they started practicing.

@lgclili

Euphoria (2019—) Created by Sam Levinson

lili laughs, a breath pushed forcibly as she straightens up from her end pose. “you’re much too kind, and you’re probably lying but i’ll take it.”

reaching for her towel, she pats along her forehead before letting it drop to the rest of her belongings. “maybe — maybe a partner would be better.” she sighs, still uncertain with the compromise, finally coming back to sit beside rua.

“you literally read my mind,” lili admits, like a breath of relief to finally be speaking her mind to someone who wasn’t all gung-ho about their current predicament. the others couldn’t wait to express themselves creatively, and yet, all lili felt was exhaustion. “like who am i kidding, i think — i’m just not meant to be choreographing”

it wasn’t to say lili wasn’t creative — no, she could be if she put half the mind into it.

but to be frank, even lili couldn’t fake putting her heart into something that she didn’t really care for — and maybe that was why everything was feeling so wrong. her passion was misplaced, it had only taken now to realize that no matter the excuse she put up — it would always feel wrong because lili wasn’t someone who planned and created, at least not in the form she was in now, no — she was the executioner. 

she was the model to the artist, she would breathe life into the idea — not have the idea, itself. 

( at least, in lili’s not-so-humble opinion )

 “how is your stuff coming along?”

་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ previously、

as long as lili isn't expecting well, concrete and actually helpful advice, rua is happy to watch whatever the other has come up with so far. even if she didn't know much about techniques and styles and all that, she can at least tell if something is pleasing and nice to watch.

when the song starts playing, rua can already picture the kind of dance that's likely to follow. it screams contemporary (she at least knows that much) but the thing about this genre of dance is that, it's very... free and there's not exactly rules or structure to follow or adhere to, or else it wouldn't be considered that style anymore. to her, one of the defining features of this kind of dance is a flowy-kind of feeling, with some powerful moves when the song hits certain notes or peaks - and that's more or less what she sees when lili starts demonstrating what she's put together so far.

part of her is in awe though, that the other had already come up with this much and although lili calls the movements stiff, rua doesn't think she's giving herself enough credit. "i don't think it looks silly," she says with a light laugh. "it's much better than anything i could've came up with honestly." although that isn't saying much, considering her absolute lack of knowledge and ability to choreograph but that's not the focus here!

"maybe you just need to get used to the movements more?" she suggests, wondering if the 'stiff' feeling lili speaks of is because the dance doesn't feel natural to her yet. "i've barely done any dance like this so i think i'd feel really out of place if i tried to suddenly." but she's not sure if that's really the source of the problem, her just guessing, or a personal issue. "or maybe the moves are meant to be done with a partner?"

so much had changed in the scheme of hosting. rather than the direction of lines being read and executed, not only were they expected to improvise, they were also implored to do so with an ease of a natural — even if the language spoken was far from your native tongue.

even more so, in these cases.

all while being as confident as possible when faced with the barrel of a red-lighted camera, airing live to thousands across the nation. and worse — millions across the world. 

it’s these types of pressures that didn’t bother lili — but the fact that they acted like they were doing a service to them. improvisation of a music show scene was beyond a day’s work — unless your goal was to be a host at the end of the day and well, since lili didn’t like to call herself a all-rounder for nothing.

( truly — lili was just complaining to complain )

but in today’s case, as she sits next to kyoka and looks at the other’s notes once more — unprompted and concerned — she tries to tweak the frown on her face, “how did you feel about the lesson?” she asks, after having looked over the other’s notes, and having seen all the question marks. “it was kind of a lot, right?” 

Kyoka’s not a complainer. She happily does what she’s told unless there’s something else that catches her attention, in which she then gets distracted. But that’s beyond the point. Point is, rarely does she ever feel upset or slighted with what’s expected of her.

What that doesn’t mean though, that she never has any negative emotions. Like now, pure confusion and maybe a teensy bit of frustration creeping in too.

What, a whole script for a music show scene? Wasn’t a music show hosting just a simple who what where when why? Who changed that format? What happened to it? Where did this new expectation come from? When did it become a thing? Why?

Ah… too much thinking, not enough answers. Her brain is turning to mush, she can feel it already.

Kyoka is still staring at her notebook, eyes already glazing over when a voice knocks her out of her trance. “Huh? Oh, ummm yes,” she squints at her notes, which really was just a row of question marks and nothing else, “my notes. Yes, they’re my notes.”

truth be told, lili had been using the fact that she was a foreigner as her golden ticket. not being able to understand this or that had done wonders for getting over-zealous coaches to get off her dick back, even if she 100% did understood this and that, they didn’t need to know that, right? right. 

and it seems that the girl before her had the same exact idea in mind.

“not really, just felt —” she pauses, thinking over her words. “today wasn’t my day.”

she snorts, eyes passing over to the coach who still hasn’t let up, hovering to the side — trying his hardest to understand a tongue he’d never quite master. “obviously.” for that — lili could not help the smile curl upon her lips, warm and welcoming — something so much unlike her, lili would have felt a chill roll up her spine if she had been the one to have seen it firsthand. 

so she stands to her full height, shoulders rolled back as she picks up her forgotten yogurt cup and takes the other up on her offer. “what did you say your name was?” she tosses the cup to the far-end bin, off to the side. "i'm lili."

Amelia feels some what connected to the other female. It was like she was similar to her and enjoyed chaos as much as she did. Of course, her being of Chinese descent too made their connection even better. Amelia maintained her expression in order to hide her true intentions from the staff around them.

❛ Yeah I've been there before. Is there a specific reason or-? ❜

Amelia noticed the other female's eyes and a slight smirk appeared on her face. So perhaps she was up for some fun and a chance to mess with the coach. Amelia, still speaking Mandarin, explained her thoughts. ❛ Well, clearly the coach can't speak Mandarin so we could have some fun with this. I'm feeling chaotic today. ❜