Lili Speaks With An Ease Of Someone Who Didn’t Care Of The Eyes On Her — Then Again, When Had People
lili speaks with an ease of someone who didn’t care of the eyes on her — then again, when had people looking at her ever mattered?
in fact, for lili, it was always the more — the merrier.
she basked in the idea of eyes on her, whether or not, it was deserved. lili was vain, ambitious and had the cut-shit guts to get what she wanted— this she knew. and it was this same thirst and vanity that she saw in spades in jieun — maybe that was why it bit into the very envious tremble that she kept at bay beneath her smile.
“oh but of course — we all know how some actress can be so, so high and mighty. primadonnas.” the words dance along a line of dismissiveness but her smile speaks otherwise, directed to jieun in a way only lili knew the other would recognize. like a snake as it slithered up to your throat, coiling tight in between words that could have been passed off as nothing.
( except coming from lili — it was never really nothing )
“you guys have that saying right — the more a diva fusses, the more they try to compensate for their … shortcomings, is it?” she feigns the slightest uncertainty — as if her lack of korean fluency would tangle her words. “but you don’t have that problem, though — you’re always so well taken care of.”
old vices are hard to relinquish, even when she has become a better person and is on her best behavior on the set. it's that same space that makes her wary of the friendly grins that would easily pull the rug out from under her.
it doesn't help she is there too, in a habitat that jieun judged natural only to her and her fellow actors, staff and production team, mingling around the people she tried so hard to impress and to make see her in a good light. especially now.
so even if the conversation a few steps from her is irrelevant and she's busy reading the script by herself as she waits for the next scene, jieun is somewhat alert. enough for the scoffs and good samaritan masquerade not to go unnoticed, but she doesn't look up to check who they are talking about. she doesn't even need to, because it only takes a couple of seconds for one of the managers to kindly offer her a cup of iced coffee.
"oh? you're a lifesaver! thank you manager-nim," she smiles genuinely as she takes the coffee and the man runs somewhere else, probably after another actor he had to take care of ( he wasn't even her manager ). the actress turns to face lili and flashes a smile at the girl, sipping her drink.
the subtle implications that jieun is making his life hard or abusing her power hit a nerve — not that it was hard to rub her the wrong way. jieun was guilty of many sins, but she never mistreated her staff or co-stars as her work and everyone in it were important to her. but, right now, she can only swallow her annoyance and do what she does best: acting.
"oh yeah, he is always in a hurry but is very attentive... it's not easy to look after so many of us," she points out with a grin, keeping it safe in case anyone eavesdrops. "it's a relief to know there are so many people looking after them too. you know how rude some celebrities can be..."
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“There was about her a wildness that flashed in her eyes. She was spoiled and beautiful and easily bored. She was either fiercely excited or cool and detached.”
— Kendra Bean, from Vivien Leigh: An Intimate Portrait (via violentwavesofemotion)
“please.” she nearly whines.
picture this: lili — a woman who held all the grace and poise in the world in a singular fingernail. now throw all that grace and poise out the window and replace it with contempt and a blood-thirst for revenge then you’d have the xu lili of today, or more precisely, of right now.
she groans as she feels asami pull her up with all the strength she could muster. “these little urchin — i mean gremli — kids thought it’d be funny to give me a nudge,” that was putting it kindly. feeling herself unsteady at the soles, she uses asami’s shoulder to steady herself before letting go of the other woman’s hand with a grim smile — ‘smile’, really, because lili had nothing to smile about because the kids who tried to unalive her were literally standing beside them looking as disappointed as ever at their failed attempt.
“now that wasn't nice, right, kids?” she asks a bit more sternly than she should before asami’s comment catches up with her and a hand flies to her head, lips dropping open in horror — “what? oh no — what’s wrong with it?” her hand immediately combs through it, hoping that nothing had caught into the strands.
Here, surrounded by stuffed animals, all Asami could think about was her niece and if her brother had given her the stuffed bear, she got her when she was born. She’s more than six months old now, certainly a kid could be trusted to have one of those without suffocating or something, right?
Helping the kids felt like a good way to practice, to be honest, since Asami doesn’t have a lot of time to go back to Tokyo and actively participate in her niece’s life. She must learn how to me an aunt sooner rather than later, after all, and volunteering, despite not being her first choice for a Saturday activity, wasn’t all that bad. She enjoys being around children, and after the birth of little miss Mayumi, her liking of the little ones has seemed to increase theoretically. With her busy schedule, it’s not like she sees children all that often after all.
Asami is only pulled out of her reverie when she hears someone ask for help, and she wishes it was easier to find the source, but it really wasn’t since the stuffed animals, “Hi, uhm, I just need a second,” Asami says as she tries looking and see if any of the children are of any help. They aren’t. She must definitely look a little too silly, and she definitely looked comical like a cartoon character when she found the person in need because her mouth opened in a perfect O shape. “Lili unnie, my god, how did you end up there?” Asami offers her a hand and pulls her up. Despite her best instincts, Asami lets herself smile a little, “your hair is all over the place. I hope you didn’t land on leftover candy. Can I help you?”
𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬
graceful? she’s as stiff as a board, no charisma whatsoever !!! so lifeless
she’s so pretty, it’s a shame it doesn’t translate into her dancing ㅋㅋ
getting a lili reveal wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card but she’s already captured my heart ♡
i love the way she dances! this is truly one of my favorite videos i've seen from legacy in quite a while tbh!!
^ you must have been watching a totally different video than i was... i wanted to see her do more than dancing because in this industry, you need to be multitalented and this video makes me assume that she can only do one thing and that's dancing....... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
▷ 𝐋𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬
EYE OF THE STORM ୨୧ @yujinlgc / backdated !
it was an ill-kept secret that lili was rotten to the core. sure, she liked to think of herself as a better, bigger person when it came to most things but even the ugly head of jealousy was hard to hide.
harder to hide when one of her close friends — at least, closer than most — had just debuted before her.
yujin deserved it, of course she did, she worked harder than anyone she knew but that couldn’t — wouldn’t — stop lili from secretly wishing for her despair, her downfall, because deep down that was just how vile her heart was — how despicable her ambition had ruined her. but it wasn’t like it was yujin’s fault that lili was left behind — falling through the cracks so far below to not even be considered — no, it wasn’t yujin’s fault at all.
and yet, that wouldn’t — couldn’t — stop lili from blaming her.
but like any bigger, better person, lili was trying her best to keep it hidden; smiling when she sees her friend at her debut showcase. grinning and bearing it when she sees her friend’s face all over her social media. she was the bigger and better person, but lili was seething through it all.
very much so as she sits beside her so-called friend and listens, with bated breath, as the other vented about struggling with her new-found fame, god — it was taking everything within her from rolling her eyes, livid at what she was hearing.
“so,” lili deadpans, about a word or two from being fed up, trying to simmer her anger as she gnaws at the straw of her matcha latte. “what do you want me to say, yujin?”
a hand shoots up — “wait, wait — i said i sucked, i didn’t — do you think i’m a loser?” should she get her ears checked? did she, lili xu, actually sound that bad for ichika to immediately dismiss her as the affronted and absolutely — totally uncalled for — damning title of ‘loser’?
she feels herself default — not from discouragement — but the shock. never had lili ever felt herself feel so crestfallen — so rug pulled out from under her bewildered. again, it begs the question of: why was lili even here?
lili groans, feeling a crease iron itself permanently between her brows in concern. “was it really that bad?” lili was no japanese maestro but even she didn’t think she had failed as miserably to deem it — oh, god, lili didn’t even want to repeat it again.
she sniffs, bringing the stylus back to the document she had pulled up on her ipad where the rest of her diligent — but messy in the way a chaotic mind like lili could only understand — notes lay. “fine, if that’s what you think is best.” she taps the end of the pen against her cheek as she thinks.
“it’s supposed to be a mock of some hosting event, right?” she asks for clarification — “how would i even begin?”
In all honesty, Ichika did feel for some of her trainees. She had assumed that they would come with more experience but seeing that someone like Lili was being asked to perform without much exposure well, the more she thought about it, the more on-brand it seemed. When she was a trainee, there had been girls who had been chosen to take part in LGC Girls Japan with very limited Japanese, and some of them had been given more lines than she had. As long as you were able to make it work, what was the problem? Or so, she assumed the mindset was.
“You are not a loser,” she replies even, shaking her head slightly. “You’re only a loser if you do not try.”
And to her credit, Lili does try. Ichika had dipped her toe into learning Mandarin over the last year, but for someone to ask her to host with a trace of fluency would have been hard. “You /are/ improving.” She assures the younger woman, “So long as you show effort, that’s what’s important. I want you to keep practicing your pronunciation and I’ll see about preparing you a phonetic script to practice with. If you can show confidence in speaking and continue to practice, a lot of errors can be forgiven. I’m sure you experienced that when you first came to Korea, as well.”
Unlike the other two, Ichika knew that Lili went through a similar situation when she came to Korea years ago, and with that alone, she knew Lili was not a loss cause. “Actually, how about this: I want you to write down what you want to say and we can work on translating it. We can work from there.”
୨୧ SPRING CLEANING : 1B
WHEN SOMEONE WRONGS YOU, DO YOU RESPOND WITH REVENGE OR FORGIVENESS?
“revenge. it’s simple: you do me wrong, you need to be punished. forgiveness is for fools who are much too kind and … well … forgiving. it’s a fool’s errand to be anything but vengeful when someone does you dirty. they need to learn a special lesson as to why they shouldn’t have wronged you in the first place and i’ll happily teach that to them.”
WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?
“truth serum?” lili groans, ready to bite her words out of her own mouth, “love. being loved, not being loved, having love and somehow fucking that up because i’m apparently unlovable. also being forgotten … or i guess, unknown works too. is that exchangeable with fame? because in that case i’ll take fame over love. i’d rather be known than forgotten. and since i can’t be loved, i’d fear being unknown more than anything else.”
HOW MUCH DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?
“if i cared what anyone else thought, do you think i’d walk around with this proud, nasty attitude?” no, probably not. “i don’t care, but i suppose, saying so would make you think that i do care but i swear i don’t. sure, it hurts my feelings, deeeeeeeep down, but feelings are fleeting, i’ll get over it once i buy a new bag or some new shoes.”
WHAT IS AT THE TOP OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL BUCKET LIST?
“getting out of this hell hole of ambiguity they call being a ‘trainee’. i want to be famous, but not for being famous, i want my fame to be because i’m good at something. so, i suppose, right now, you can say at the top of my professional bucket list is for me to debut. what comes after that, well … maybe some modeling, acting? the world is … like they say, my oyster.”
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