XIAOTING ‘We Fresh’ Inkigayo 221023

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 17 _ NOSTALGIA REVIEW、

it is to no one surprise that lili’s least favorite week was week 5 and no we will not elaborate because lili’s headache throughout rehearsals should be enough of an explanation.

she was rather pouty and mouthy ( to any ear that listened ) about the song choices but when it came time to actually performing, like the hypocrite she is, she smiled and sang like she hadn’t just bad-mouthed each song the week prior to performing it.

funnily enough, lili’s favorite week was probably week 6 because she enjoyed ’tt’ the most. not only was it the most vocally challenging of the songs they had to perform during this stint, she found herself having fun performing it as well — understanding just why people liked it, in the end. 

she probably got a little too into character during the performance with her pouts.

one thing lili knows how to do is be charming and she thinks ( SHE THINKS ) her charm was shown the best during week 6’s performance.

from rehearsals to their subsequent performance, lili finds herself craving the stage more than she usually does. maybe it has something to do with the fact that they were building up for something — maybe it was the fact that with each week came a new performance and that only sparked a new sense of fulfillment in her; whatever it was, by the end of the program, lili finds herself a little sad that it had ended so soon despite her many ( many ) complaints.

she, surely, complained a bit too much to chaekyung and is still sore that chaekyung did not bring her to the nurse when she said her headache was life or death.

while lili prizes herself as an all-rounder performer, she’s realizing that being an all-rounder also means being able to cover for her peers when they fall short and not only does lili fail in that regard, she loses sight when she puts rapping and similiar low-toned range performances on the back-burner. another that she finds herself shirking is the way she portrays herself in her performances as a performer, being away from the stage had set in her a precedent of comfortability that she needs to ease off of — she needs to want it again, to not be okay with being comfortable, she needs to succeed in its light rather than just be on stage. she wants to shine. 

dark eyes flicker from his face to the very obvious disarray he called his hair. but she says no more — opting to twirl her pencil around deft fingertips, cheek sitting against her palm as she stares, watching him begin to tidy himself up. an endeavor he doesn’t quite see through when he slumps into his chair and she can only bite back a laugh. 

“offended — oh, so you’re hoping to be unalived before the new year? i see, i see.”

she nods, as if making a mental note — even if such a thing will probably be forgotten by the end of the day, knowing her. letting the spiral leave her grasp, she makes a pout — only to have the item returned to her in due time. “and what is this supposed to be?” she asks, even though the obvious was plain for her to see, re-opening the book to the page he was last at — eyeing the new addition just short of the random doodles she had done earlier. 

lili glances up when one of the coaches appears handing out the game's item to the remainder of stragglers that had passed the threshold of their room. reaching over for the item that had been passed around when she had arrived, she tosses the shuttlecock — the jegi — at him, “제기차기.”

"Huh? How did you know?" He fixes his posture momentarily to check himself in the reflection of the window, reaching up smooth down the unruly strands with only his palms and determination. He quickly gives up, sinking back into his chair with a shocking lack of energy. He pulls his backpack closer to his feet when he spots another trainee cutting through the small space between his desk and the one in front of him. He refocuses his attention on his friend, noticing the smirk on her lips.

"I would be offended if I wasn't top three in your hit list." He snatches the notebook from her grasp, turning it on it's side to read her scribbles. He can't make out anything useful besides some interesting doodles. "Is this how the inside of your mind looks like, Lils?" He teases, reaching for the front pocket of his backpack to grab one of his pens. He adds his own mark on the page, facing away from the trainee to keep her from grabbing it back before his masterpiece was done. It was a simplistic doodle of the girl and a butterfly on her shoulder. "Here you go!" He displays the page of the notebook like it was a work art hung on a gallery wall, placing it in front of her before closing the pages. "I'll stop fooling around... What are we learning?"

୨୧     THE DECISION     :     DATE LOTTERY # 2025

going into her decisions, lili had half the mind to deny minkyu another date — how dare he try to one up her in front of millions!

least of all with surprises that he knew lili hated!

( the act of surprise, not the gift from a surprise — never a gift )

it would show him that she was not one to be trifled with! she was miffed! absolutely horrified! ( she says this but was she really — had it really been so bad — no, she was just upset over nothing because her flair of dramatics could only handle so much all while under the guise of her public persona )

and minkyu — that sneaky little devil! — knew that lili could never deny him on national television. so, she follows the narrative — playing the role of some awe-struck, lovesick fool who had the time of her life laughing along to minkyu’s cute little quips and his gab and gall for surprise.

seated, legs crossed primly at the ankles as she’s asked those three special words: “will you continue (again)?”

and ( like the drama queen she was ) just like that, she’s smiling; all teeth — grin shining bright as a little blush dusts along the apples of her cheeks as if just the thought of another date had her sheepish ( as if! but the role was far more important than the cringe of it all ); that seeing minkyu again after such a wonderful date would only overjoy her.

( god, she was going to give minkyu a piece of her mind once this was all over )

“it was such a good date, minkyu-씨 could have chosen anything else but he thought to do something he had never done and i liked it, it was very … courageous of him.” thankfully, it stopped at courageous and didn’t turn to anything worse. lili was not someone you should have as your emergency contact. “i really wasn’t expecting the ice cream tower surprise — how it was even made is even more crazy.” it truly defied gravity and lili was not sure how they got through it the way they did.

“if i could, i’d say,” a thoughtful and suspenseful pause for effect. “the adventure should continue, yes.”

however, the second these cameras turn off, minkyu was getting a second helping of a smackdown. 

໒꒱ . DATE LOTTERY # 2024 _ THE DECISION 、

it’s almost sickening the way the nerves crawl upon her skin — because what did lili have to be nervous for? it wasn’t like this was some end of it all will she or won’t she a la the bachelorette; it was whether or not she’d like to — as they say — ‘continue the adventure with their current partner’. and if she said no, she could always call minkyu the next day and it'll be fine — right?

( it would all be fine? )

and as nauseating as it did sound — because whoever came up with seriously needed to be re-enrolled in romance 101 — lili couldn’t find it in her heart to deny it.

even if it went against all her principles — and maybe lili liked to think she was a better person than someone who’d reject one of her closest friends and then be fine with spending the day with them as if nothing had happened — she knew deep down that: she wasn’t a better person.

and she was just the type of person to do such a thing.

but when the cameras rolled and she’s asked the dreaded question, lili is answering before she can even tell herself that her mask was slipping.

“i’m glad it was minkyu — if anything, relieved?” she tastes the word on her tongue — as if testing it, the korean phrase a hard sell for a foreign linguist. lili nods, once she’s reassured that that is what she means. “that my date was with him. i don’t normally share much of my personal life — my childhood with many people — but since i’ve met minkyu before, being able to show him something that’s so dear to me was really nice. i think it made us closer.”

and she really did — think — that it had made them closer, rather in the superficial sense that lili usually built her relationships — in particular with minkyu, bolstering him around town with her black card through meals and little gifts — the fact that this had neither to do with any of the above made it different, made it feel different and lili still couldn’t quite describe that feeling other than … nice. it was — it is nice.

“and i think that’s why,” she pauses, licking her lips as a finger catches a stray hair before pushing it behind her ear — building the suspense through a charming grin and a small, gentle hum before she nods. “i’d like to go on another adventure with him, wherever that may take us.” 

because even if lili pretended that she was fine with burning bridges and acting fine, another part of her — the needier part that had spoken in harsh tongues and pleaded her not to — had already shown too much of her real self in the form of a happy childhood memory for all the world to now see. and she couldn’t deny that because of this, lili — whether professionally or personally — didn’t want the world to see her burn a bridge that she had now, despite her initial refrains, cemented in stone. 

thank god it’s not the ugly burger outfits she had seen during the briefing. it was the least they could do — hitting rock bottom in terms of stage outfits shouldn’t be a given, not when they were already putting their vocal chords on the line with the atrocitious catallena screech.

( honestly the sound alone had begun to haunt her in her sleep )

she steps towards the selections, cycling through the arrangements with a pursed lip — fingers flipping through the outfits with an discerning eye, noticing that the names had, in fact, been hung alongside the attires. oh, it was as bad as she had feared. 

“i hate to be the bearer of bad news.” she didn’t, it was probably one of her favorite things to do — but this was maylin, and lili couldn’t help but have a soft spot for the girl. so, she chooses to ease her into the burn — if one could call it that. “but — alright,” turning away from where she had spotted their name tags alongside the outfits, she takes maylin by the hand and corners her attentions.

“would you rather be a tuna nigiri or a salmon maki?”

 not that it would matter, but wasn’t it more fun to build the suspense?

the silence came rolling in, along with the carts of hats that stared back at the girls. maylin could have sworn she saw sparkles for a split second. while the others were giddy and filled with excitement to wear such clothes and perform on a stage that would be broadcast to the public, maylin could feel her blood temperature drop for a second.

talk about the digital footprint.

the brunette's arms dropped to her side in sudden disbelief. she figured this round of costumes would be a bit more unique and different, though, this was as unique as it got and with how significant it was for the actual song - there was no avoiding her fate. "i truly can't believe i will have to talk about this exact moment when we all debut. we'll never live this down." dramatically, yes, but every word that came out was true.

"do you think we get to pick out which outfit we want? that would at least allow me to not feel so burned."

“would it be so bad if i said i didn’t mind a kfc,” now who was she and what had she done with xu lili? the girl who complained about the smell of fried chicken oil and how it would induce a zillion and one underground pimples by morning seemed to be nowhere to be seen. “at least they would welcome our presence.” 

would they make a cake out of chicken legs if she mentioned that it was her birthday?

“yea —“ her eyes drift to her heels, “for sure, definitely not dressed for anything outdoorsy. let’s also not climb any hills, i don’t think my body can take any more stress.” she knows seoul is made up of nothing but hills but if anything, it was a subtle yet desperate plea for a taxi ride rather than slumming it in the subway.

her steps begin to slow as she thinks over the options more seriously, feeling the chill in the air as she suddenly comes to a stop and is not incensed by the warmth from walking. “mmm, i’d say warm and cozy. anything but cold, please.”

"we can make it work, even if its..." jisoo side eyes lili, "a hole in the wall." at this point, most things truly were closed around this time, but he's sure there were some homely mom and pop shops, or businesses that knew they could take advantage of these days, where everyone else had off. "i promise, i am not dragging you to KFC or anything that defaults in that direction." that would make it even more of an unhappy birthday now, wouldn't it?

"but you didn't even have a birthday cake... we're going to have to remedy that." hopefully it didn't mean him baking one but if it had to happen. if his eye does a slight twitch, jisoo doesn't comment.

"not to be completely lacking adventure, it is not about me and i'd rather not completely misguide it so would you prefer something warm, or cold, relaxing... cozy, or random and," heaven forbid, "i am not going to give you the option of outdoorsy because a, we aren't dressed for it and b, i'd rather us not end up sick."

call it relief or whatever, but when sarang gives her a promise — lili makes due to hold her to it.

( because there was no way in hell lili was going to haul her passed out ass from this bathroom if it comes to it — then again, if she had passed out maybe it would stop all their peers from haa-ing all over the place )

no, no — that would be unkind — to wish someone would pass out, especially if that someone looked close to tears and near death from whatever was going on inside her pretty head. lili couldn’t be the reason for something bad happening — not again.

so, as relief fills her, she trades her sigh of ease to one of a gentle smile, if you could call it that. trying to rack her brain for any words of comfort, kicking herself for being … lili … instead of someone like taeha who was so good at words and comfort. 

settling for a — it’s okay — a shoulder lifts, nonchalantly. “everyone has their bad days,” not lili, per say, but that wasn’t something she could say now. 

“no worries, the worst they could do is make us run around the gym again.” on second thought — “just give yourself a minute — okay? you don’t need to rush yourself.” 

the last thing she wanted, was someone to be worried.

well, someone worrying over her. this was stupid. she was stupid. people got bad comments all of the time, people had bad days. it was her own need not be seen as not perfect. it wasn't just about being perfect, she was wrong. not okay or even unremarkable but wrong. and wrong in front of everyone.

it took a moment to realize that lili was still speaking to her. it was that easy to get lost in her own head. sarang tried to focus on the breathing. she nodded her head to the question, she knew breathing options. it was her own thoughts doing this to her. sarang tried her best to follow, to calm her breathing. more importantly, to forget about what happened.

it was the comment about passing out that managed to get a strangled laugh from her. "p-promise." she muttered out, she was sure she wouldn't pass out. hopefully. she breathed slowly, still counting in her head. when sarang was through the worst of it, she was able to speak again. "i- i-i'm so sorry you h-had to s-s-see that." she was read from the embarrassment. "j-just a bad d-day, you s-should g-go back, i wouldn't want you to get in trouble."

lili speaks with an ease of someone who didn’t care of the eyes on her — then again, when had people looking at her ever mattered?

in fact, for lili, it was always the more — the merrier. 

she basked in the idea of eyes on her, whether or not, it was deserved. lili was vain, ambitious and had the cut-shit guts to get what she wanted— this she knew. and it was this same thirst and vanity that she saw in spades in jieun — maybe that was why it bit into the very envious tremble that she kept at bay beneath her smile. 

“oh but of course — we all know how some actress can be so, so high and mighty. primadonnas.” the words dance along a line of dismissiveness but her smile speaks otherwise, directed to jieun in a way only lili knew the other would recognize. like a snake as it slithered up to your throat, coiling tight in between words that could have been passed off as nothing. 

( except coming from lili — it was never really nothing ) 

“you guys have that saying right — the more a diva fusses, the more they try to compensate for their … shortcomings, is it?” she feigns the slightest uncertainty — as if her lack of korean fluency would tangle her words. “but you don’t have that problem, though — you’re always so well taken care of.” 

old vices are hard to relinquish, even when she has become a better person and is on her best behavior on the set. it's that same space that makes her wary of the friendly grins that would easily pull the rug out from under her.

it doesn't help she is there too, in a habitat that jieun judged natural only to her and her fellow actors, staff and production team, mingling around the people she tried so hard to impress and to make see her in a good light. especially now.

so even if the conversation a few steps from her is irrelevant and she's busy reading the script by herself as she waits for the next scene, jieun is somewhat alert. enough for the scoffs and good samaritan masquerade not to go unnoticed, but she doesn't look up to check who they are talking about. she doesn't even need to, because it only takes a couple of seconds for one of the managers to kindly offer her a cup of iced coffee.

"oh? you're a lifesaver! thank you manager-nim," she smiles genuinely as she takes the coffee and the man runs somewhere else, probably after another actor he had to take care of ( he wasn't even her manager ). the actress turns to face lili and flashes a smile at the girl, sipping her drink.

the subtle implications that jieun is making his life hard or abusing her power hit a nerve — not that it was hard to rub her the wrong way. jieun was guilty of many sins, but she never mistreated her staff or co-stars as her work and everyone in it were important to her. but, right now, she can only swallow her annoyance and do what she does best: acting.

"oh yeah, he is always in a hurry but is very attentive... it's not easy to look after so many of us," she points out with a grin, keeping it safe in case anyone eavesdrops. "it's a relief to know there are so many people looking after them too. you know how rude some celebrities can be..."

tongue in cheek, lili couldn’t help but feel the amused grin tug at her lips — albeit ruining the forced frustration she was trying to portray. her gaze remains passive, flickering from the coach who stood warily at the side, trying to appear busy despite obviously listening in on a conversation he could not understand, to the girl before her.

“you could call it that.”

so, this truly was their plan b — the girl all but confirms it to herself as she places her yogurt cup down and leans back against the mirrored wall where she was currently ‘resting’. finger tapping against her knee before making up her mind, “fun?" her eyes dance mischeviously at the word, "what did you have in mind?”

There were times when Amelia just didn't want to do anything. She was just... existing. Sometimes she was tired, drained, and just didn't care. Sometimes the upbeat and bubbly girl just needed a break. She needed to recharge too. It wasn't easy always being happy and upbeat. Some days Amelia felt like she didn't care.

Today was not one of those days.

Amelia was incredibly happy today and for some reason felt mischievous. She was currently looking for her brother when she was pulled aside by one of the coaches who asked if she could translate. Amelia nodded and followed the staff member.

Upon hearing her native language, Amelia's eyebrow cocked. Perhaps this could be her fun. She smiled and pretended as if everything was ok. ❛ Let me guess. You're not feeling it and they keep pushing you? ❜ She inquired in Mandarin. ❛ Would you like to have some fun? ❜

A BITTER TREAT. sometimes the sweetest treats are made bitter, black banquet filming site — @hyunsoolgc

lili was bored. 

sure, this may have been her first time on a film set — but the glitz and the glamour of it all had worn off the second she had stepped off the car and entered the wardrobe truck. it was no different than a day in the life of her famous grandmother. all politics and circumstance, all frazzled nobodies running around as if their heads had gotten cut off in search of their master ( read: the famous starlets that would lead this snazzy film ) — for lili, the rose-tinted glasses of film were quick to wear off.

but it was fun — being away from practices and demanding coaches for a while.

it also helped that these snazzy film starlets had such devoted fans who bought and hired yummy coffee trucks that catered to the film staff. and since, today lili happened to be one of said film staff — even if she was a nameless nobody with no lines and her face was completely covered by a masquerade mask — and that was all that she needed to exchange her pretty, pearly smile for an ice hazelnut latte. yum.

now, to thank the snazzy film starlet whose fans were dedicated enough to allot an atrocious amount of money for some parasocial relationship that would never be. she turns the cup around and almost feels her jaw drop in shock before her teeth begin to gnaw at the straw. 

how annoying. heading straight to the source, she hands him his own drink — “thanks for the coffee, i hope you thanked your precious fans for it.”