@LGCENT Just Posted A Photo!

a hand shoots up — “wait, wait — i said i sucked, i didn’t — do you think i’m a loser?” should she get her ears checked? did she, lili xu, actually sound that bad for ichika to immediately dismiss her as the affronted and absolutely — totally uncalled for — damning title of ‘loser’?

she feels herself default — not from discouragement — but the shock. never had lili ever felt herself feel so crestfallen — so rug pulled out from under her bewildered. again, it begs the question of: why was lili even here?

lili groans, feeling a crease iron itself permanently between her brows in concern. “was it really that bad?” lili was no japanese maestro but even she didn’t think she had failed as miserably to deem it — oh, god, lili didn’t even want to repeat it again.

she sniffs, bringing the stylus back to the document she had pulled up on her ipad where the rest of her diligent — but messy in the way a chaotic mind like lili could only understand — notes lay. “fine, if that’s what you think is best.” she taps the end of the pen against her cheek as she thinks.

“it’s supposed to be a mock of some hosting event, right?” she asks for clarification — “how would i even begin?”

In all honesty, Ichika did feel for some of her trainees. She had assumed that they would come with more experience but seeing that someone like Lili was being asked to perform without much exposure well, the more she thought about it, the more on-brand it seemed. When she was a trainee, there had been girls who had been chosen to take part in LGC Girls Japan with very limited Japanese, and some of them had been given more lines than she had. As long as you were able to make it work, what was the problem? Or so, she assumed the mindset was. 

“You are not a loser,” she replies even, shaking her head slightly. “You’re only a loser if you do not try.”

And to her credit, Lili does try. Ichika had dipped her toe into learning Mandarin over the last year, but for someone to ask her to host with a trace of fluency would have been hard. “You /are/ improving.” She assures the younger woman, “So long as you show effort, that’s what’s important. I want you to keep practicing your pronunciation and I’ll see about preparing you a phonetic script to practice with. If you can show confidence in speaking and continue to practice, a lot of errors can be forgiven. I’m sure you experienced that when you first came to Korea, as well.” 

Unlike the other two, Ichika knew that Lili went through a similar situation when she came to Korea years ago, and with that alone, she knew Lili was not a loss cause. “Actually, how about this: I want you to write down what you want to say and we can work on translating it. We can work from there.”

satisfied with his answer, lili only beams in response. maybe she should call it luck that the cameras were rolling — getting an complimentary answer from minkyu as so has never been easier. 

“alright, alright, picasso. i can’t wait to see what you come up with.” she teases, eyes shining bright as she looks from the set of colors she had already swiped to her side to him. 

every now and then, her eyes briefly glance his way — a mirror of the image she was trying to transfer to the kite itself. unfortunately, lili was no artist — not in this way at least — but she makes the most of her materials and does her best to her strengths.

in the end, her kite looks more reminiscent of those old school shoujo mangas she and taeha used to pour over back in high school in between competitions; how she had remembered such a small detail is beyond her — but here it is, drawn in it’s full length: accented with big yellow stars and overly-drawn pink and blue flowers to surround the image of minkyu in the style of a shoujo protagonist from the 90’s. 

her ears perking when she hears his completion and she immediately snaps up the kite before his eyes could take in what she had made — smile already just that bit triumphant and overall pleased with what she had come up with.

“okay — i’m ready.” she takes a breath before initiating the countdown —

“one …. two …. three!” 

once sung, she spins her kite in time with his only to feel her lips crinkle in amusement; laughter already on the cusp of her tongue as she tries to choke out a — “is that supposed to be keroppi?? or is it kermit?” 

Off-camera, if this were truly Lili and Minkyu in their natural states, her comment about Hollywood actresses would be met with a snarky reply;

Minkyu would likely respond with something along the lines of how she’s pretty cute, but there’s no way she could compare to someone like Anne Hathaway.

This, of course, would all be in playful jest, never serious, always lighthearted. But the cameras are rolling, and while Minkyu always strives to present his most genuine self to the viewers and fans ( slash girlfriends ), he knows this moment calls for sweetness;

it's a moment meant to quicken Lili's heartbeat and those of the audience.

So he gives her a sweet smile, one that seems reserved solely for her, and gently lifts his free hand to fix a stray lock of her bangs. "You should already know you're much cuter than any Hollywood actress." he says, his voice soft and sincere.

Even as they sit down, his perpetual half-smile remains, his eyes scanning the array of tools before quickly picking up the right markers and pens to decorate the kite.

"You'll be surprised. I'm the modern Picasso!" he declares with a playful brow wiggle in her direction, almost charming, before his focus returns to the kite.

He's chosen the same colors as her favorite plushie, even attempting to draw a chibi version of it. Though it hasn’t turned out perfectly, it's recognizable enough.

After a few minutes, he looks back up, a grin on his lips as he hides the result of his craft with his arms. "Okay, let's show what we've created on the count of three!"

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

take me on a date to see nemo 🩵

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

call it relief or whatever, but when sarang gives her a promise — lili makes due to hold her to it.

( because there was no way in hell lili was going to haul her passed out ass from this bathroom if it comes to it — then again, if she had passed out maybe it would stop all their peers from haa-ing all over the place )

no, no — that would be unkind — to wish someone would pass out, especially if that someone looked close to tears and near death from whatever was going on inside her pretty head. lili couldn’t be the reason for something bad happening — not again.

so, as relief fills her, she trades her sigh of ease to one of a gentle smile, if you could call it that. trying to rack her brain for any words of comfort, kicking herself for being … lili … instead of someone like taeha who was so good at words and comfort. 

settling for a — it’s okay — a shoulder lifts, nonchalantly. “everyone has their bad days,” not lili, per say, but that wasn’t something she could say now. 

“no worries, the worst they could do is make us run around the gym again.” on second thought — “just give yourself a minute — okay? you don’t need to rush yourself.” 

the last thing she wanted, was someone to be worried.

well, someone worrying over her. this was stupid. she was stupid. people got bad comments all of the time, people had bad days. it was her own need not be seen as not perfect. it wasn't just about being perfect, she was wrong. not okay or even unremarkable but wrong. and wrong in front of everyone.

it took a moment to realize that lili was still speaking to her. it was that easy to get lost in her own head. sarang tried to focus on the breathing. she nodded her head to the question, she knew breathing options. it was her own thoughts doing this to her. sarang tried her best to follow, to calm her breathing. more importantly, to forget about what happened.

it was the comment about passing out that managed to get a strangled laugh from her. "p-promise." she muttered out, she was sure she wouldn't pass out. hopefully. she breathed slowly, still counting in her head. when sarang was through the worst of it, she was able to speak again. "i- i-i'm so sorry you h-had to s-s-see that." she was read from the embarrassment. "j-just a bad d-day, you s-should g-go back, i wouldn't want you to get in trouble."

•  ໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 18 _ LILI : OFF DUTY 、

something to know about lili was that she was not an early riser.

as someone who loved her beauty sleep — she, more often than not, could be caught snoozing her alarm; it was a sore reminder for the days when she used to room with jiah, and could only rely on the other to wake her up before she left for the day. but without her, relying on herself and her phone’s alarm had made mornings a little harder. 

this particular morning was by far the hardest — waking up early was a bad, waking up even earlier to set up the camera for the most perfect ‘i just woke up like this’ shot was the worst.

blinking the sleep away, a brush of her fist against her eyes as she looks to the camera that she had pointed at her face — a unobscured close up — that lili only smiles to, breathing a rather groggy, “morning.” before laughing and turning away from the camera — pulling the covers up to her nose as she blinks at the time noted in red from across the room on the alarm clock. 6:35, ugh — so early. 

she shuts off the video then, checking the footage first, in the off chance that she’d have to redo that embarrassing display over again — thankfully she does not — and once it’s done with, lili wishes she could just lay back, continue on to dreamland but alas, now that she was up — she was up. 

wandering into the kitchen, lili picks up a banana and a protein shake from the fridge — the initial grimace she usually makes when she takes a gulp of her shake is wiped clean as she remains as passive as possible while going about her morning. 

today’s agenda includes lgc family concert practice — a continuation of some nostalgia stages and others — and her japanese lesson; things she lists off to the camera while finishing off her banana, “and then i get to go home and do my skincare.” she laughs, quietly noting that doing her skincare and makeup may be her favorite parts of her personal time. 

for someone who wasn’t well-versed with documenting every second of her day for someone other than herself to see, lili was quick to fall into ease in front of a camera. propping it against her tumbler; she sits back for her japanese lesson; taking out her usual suspects for the review: her my melody plush pencil case and it’s paired notebook as well as the recording device she usually brought with her to record the teacher’s dictations ( it helps her to repeat the phrases she learned that day when she hears it again spoken by a professional  ); all placed side by side as she waits for the teacher to come in.

it’s kind of funny how diligent lili is in her lesson considering just a couple months ago she had dreaded learning the language all because she had been under the impression that she had been placed in the workshop as a mistake — yet, here she is, almost five months into learning a new language.

maybe it was something she had a knack at — and at this point, after feeling somewhat comfortable in not one, not two, not even three but four languages — lili couldn’t help but feel proud of herself.

she wouldn’t call herself fluent — never, not yet at least — but as she scribbles on her notebook to show to the camera, at the end, she can’t help but feel that she was getting there.

❮  わたしの ほうが かわいいでしょ？  ❯

i'm cute, aren't i?

giggling, she shows what she’s written to the camera, winking as she points at herself before setting the notebook down.

while the day hadn’t been long, lili was more than happy to be home, already slipping on her my melody headband ( not meant for washing faces but don’t tell lili that because she’ll still wear it regardless ) and reaching for her oil cleanser to remove the bits of her mascara, tone up cream and sunscreen. 

her night routine wasn’t some agonizing 10 step system but it definitely did take a while and would keep lili in the bathroom for longer than she should be; it’s why after she washes her face, with a quick pat, she’s returning to her bedroom to do the rest of her skincare; making sure to dry each layer she places on her skin — whether its her toner, serum or emulsions — they each take their time to dry before she places the next. 

she’s left with just her face mask when she’s met with the camera once again — hand waving as she blows a cute kiss it’s way before saying goodnight. 

“愿你走进甜甜梦乡 ~”

may you enter sweet dreamland. 

໒꒱ . DATE LOTTERY # 2024 _ THE DECISION 、

it’s almost sickening the way the nerves crawl upon her skin — because what did lili have to be nervous for? it wasn’t like this was some end of it all will she or won’t she a la the bachelorette; it was whether or not she’d like to — as they say — ‘continue the adventure with their current partner’. and if she said no, she could always call minkyu the next day and it'll be fine — right?

( it would all be fine? )

and as nauseating as it did sound — because whoever came up with seriously needed to be re-enrolled in romance 101 — lili couldn’t find it in her heart to deny it.

even if it went against all her principles — and maybe lili liked to think she was a better person than someone who’d reject one of her closest friends and then be fine with spending the day with them as if nothing had happened — she knew deep down that: she wasn’t a better person.

and she was just the type of person to do such a thing.

but when the cameras rolled and she’s asked the dreaded question, lili is answering before she can even tell herself that her mask was slipping.

“i’m glad it was minkyu — if anything, relieved?” she tastes the word on her tongue — as if testing it, the korean phrase a hard sell for a foreign linguist. lili nods, once she’s reassured that that is what she means. “that my date was with him. i don’t normally share much of my personal life — my childhood with many people — but since i’ve met minkyu before, being able to show him something that’s so dear to me was really nice. i think it made us closer.”

and she really did — think — that it had made them closer, rather in the superficial sense that lili usually built her relationships — in particular with minkyu, bolstering him around town with her black card through meals and little gifts — the fact that this had neither to do with any of the above made it different, made it feel different and lili still couldn’t quite describe that feeling other than … nice. it was — it is nice.

“and i think that’s why,” she pauses, licking her lips as a finger catches a stray hair before pushing it behind her ear — building the suspense through a charming grin and a small, gentle hum before she nods. “i’d like to go on another adventure with him, wherever that may take us.” 

because even if lili pretended that she was fine with burning bridges and acting fine, another part of her — the needier part that had spoken in harsh tongues and pleaded her not to — had already shown too much of her real self in the form of a happy childhood memory for all the world to now see. and she couldn’t deny that because of this, lili — whether professionally or personally — didn’t want the world to see her burn a bridge that she had now, despite her initial refrains, cemented in stone. 

lili had always been an only child. 

( and she definitely acted like one, too )

fortunate for her as she never wanted siblings and she had always wanted more attention than any of her respective legal guardians could ever give. but a sibling arises in the form of one parker su. it was funny, really. how quick they clicked, how odd that despite being from the same state — sure, california was big but it wasn’t that big — that despite it all, she found his presence to be not as annoying as she would have expected. is this what a sibling relationship was like for others?

( she wonders if her grandma would adopt parker, too )

rather than seeing him, lili hears him and can only guess to what is causing his burst of concern. and while it wasn’t unwarranted, lili — sincerely — couldn’t find what was wrong with her outfit.

did he find it offensive that she was wearing a dress from last season? 

she snorts, toe of her heel meeting with his ankle gently as a jab for his nagging. “lilian?” an amused brow rises, “who’s that?”

then she frowns at his fussing — hands making no move to do as he says because this ensemble was not meant for a coat to cover ( the coat was but a mere accessory to withstand the chill but other than that, lili was bound by the inherent belief that she’d rather die pretty than badly dressed ) — her hand running through her hair as she lets his words go from one ear to the other before lips purse and she groans, “you said i was going to be meeting your friends, of course i had to make a good impression. don't i look like someone you'd want to meet your friends?”

sure, her personality was rough around the edges but lili assumed that a pretty dress and smile would at least soften those jagged parts — kind of a trojan horse a la miu miu sort of thing?

yes, that shall be her optimal reasoning for wearing the sheerest dress possible on what could be the coldest day of february. tugging on his arm, she pulls him along, amidst his english woes, “okay, okay — i hear you. i’ll make sure to stay close to the radiator at the restaurant. let’s go — like you said, it’s freezing.” at least her gloves could fight off the frostbite, she thinks. 

little red packet

@lgclili and parker spend some "sibling" time together

At this point, it was pretty par for the course for Parker not to go home during any breaks, even when he had them. For as long as the flight was back to California, the time that was typically allotted seemed way too short, but as a trainee, it had seemed more doable just based on how much he missed his family; however, that had been simply out of the question this year. Even more so when the Seollal break was only four days, but this year Lunar New Year seems a little less lonely. For one, he had Hyuk to spend time with, but more than that, somewhere along the line, he managed to sort a dinner together with some of his favorite people: Yichen, Yuxi, and Lili. 

It was about a quarter to six when Parker’s cab pulled up not too far from Daerim-dong. Even when a good deal of Koreans were taking the time with their own families, he could still see a few people making their way here in there. Thanking the driver, Parker adjusted his scarf and looked around, hoping to spot a Lili. She hadn’t met either Yichen or Yuxi before and had insisted on meeting up with him beforehand, a request that Parker couldn’t refuse. Even if they weren’t related, all three held a special familial place in Parker’s heart, but especially Lili. 

“Ah! Are you crazy!” he called out when he called her. Parker’s furrowed his bows and switched to English to sound more like his own mother.  “Lillian, you’re going to catch a cold! Yes, your dess is cute. Button up your coat!”

lili speaks with an ease of someone who didn’t care of the eyes on her — then again, when had people looking at her ever mattered?

in fact, for lili, it was always the more — the merrier. 

she basked in the idea of eyes on her, whether or not, it was deserved. lili was vain, ambitious and had the cut-shit guts to get what she wanted— this she knew. and it was this same thirst and vanity that she saw in spades in jieun — maybe that was why it bit into the very envious tremble that she kept at bay beneath her smile. 

“oh but of course — we all know how some actress can be so, so high and mighty. primadonnas.” the words dance along a line of dismissiveness but her smile speaks otherwise, directed to jieun in a way only lili knew the other would recognize. like a snake as it slithered up to your throat, coiling tight in between words that could have been passed off as nothing. 

( except coming from lili — it was never really nothing ) 

“you guys have that saying right — the more a diva fusses, the more they try to compensate for their … shortcomings, is it?” she feigns the slightest uncertainty — as if her lack of korean fluency would tangle her words. “but you don’t have that problem, though — you’re always so well taken care of.” 

old vices are hard to relinquish, even when she has become a better person and is on her best behavior on the set. it's that same space that makes her wary of the friendly grins that would easily pull the rug out from under her.

it doesn't help she is there too, in a habitat that jieun judged natural only to her and her fellow actors, staff and production team, mingling around the people she tried so hard to impress and to make see her in a good light. especially now.

so even if the conversation a few steps from her is irrelevant and she's busy reading the script by herself as she waits for the next scene, jieun is somewhat alert. enough for the scoffs and good samaritan masquerade not to go unnoticed, but she doesn't look up to check who they are talking about. she doesn't even need to, because it only takes a couple of seconds for one of the managers to kindly offer her a cup of iced coffee.

"oh? you're a lifesaver! thank you manager-nim," she smiles genuinely as she takes the coffee and the man runs somewhere else, probably after another actor he had to take care of ( he wasn't even her manager ). the actress turns to face lili and flashes a smile at the girl, sipping her drink.

the subtle implications that jieun is making his life hard or abusing her power hit a nerve — not that it was hard to rub her the wrong way. jieun was guilty of many sins, but she never mistreated her staff or co-stars as her work and everyone in it were important to her. but, right now, she can only swallow her annoyance and do what she does best: acting.

"oh yeah, he is always in a hurry but is very attentive... it's not easy to look after so many of us," she points out with a grin, keeping it safe in case anyone eavesdrops. "it's a relief to know there are so many people looking after them too. you know how rude some celebrities can be..."

she smiles — probably her most genuine one that week; brow raising in expectation at his suggestion. “why — you’re not offering, are you?” lili has half the mind of accepting if that were the case, but maybe once (or twice or — how many times has she used him for such an occasion? she’s lost count at this point)

“oh, really, now?” her fist fits gingerly beneath her jaw, leaning in upon intrigue at his observations of the day — the retelling of an otherwise boring meeting spruced up at the mention of his mother. “tell me all about it.” eyes sparkling at the promise of something juicy for her eager ears to feast on — gossip, though unsightly, always had its merits in making her feel better, especially on the days her grandmother not-so-subtly ditches her. “how did she look — no, what did she say?”

call it an act of rebellion or a battle of wills — or maybe lili was just tired of playing the role of the ‘woe is thou’ and wounded — but the second she found out her grandmother had once again cancelled on her once again, lili was done playing a facade that was barely holding on by a thread. tape and plaster could do little to hold up what once was, such tools were futile to what true care and attention could do. unfortunately, lili knew such a thing — so, maybe in hindsight, it was better to shed these masks rather than cling to their rugged shards.

abandoning her role to play, sitting there to listen to a meeting that had nothing to do with her except play appearances was not how she wanted to waste her free time. the downfall of her crude decree of renouncing these responsibilities were that they had to fall on someone …. and sadly, that someone had to be yutai.

when she arrives, she comes with a consolation — or was it a perceived condolence? — in tow, a box of chocolates she had picked up in cheongdam on her way over. ducking into the fluorescence of the convenience store, she taps him on the shoulder with a passing hand; nearly missing his cup of ramen as she drops the dressed up chocolatier tote onto the counter. “as a thank you for your service today.”

it was lili’s best way of apologizing, even if an apology would never leave her glossed lips. ( it’s like they say, better than nothing, right? )

ON ENEMY LINES. soapsuds will never quench her taste buds  —  @lgcxmimi

part of her wonders where the hell was this soap when she was surrounded by nothing but chicken shit. ugh, talk about timing — the stench of the herbal suds were giving her a headache, a migraine, whatever that now seemed to cease the further she got away from the numerous boxes that were currently hoarding the unsold bars. 

what was more aggravating than the overwhelming smell was how unfair the sales were. how the fuck were they supposed to even sell soaps? if these village hicks couldn’t sell it, did they think some city dwellers who spent their days dancing hours on end in the basement could? 

she frowns, they really must have hit the rock bottom of variety television.

chancing upon one of the younger girls, she reaches out with her own bill to them. not caring if she was aiding the ‘enemy’ — she needed a drink, and at least theirs would give her a temporary quench to whatever ailment she was suffering from.

“can i get one?” her head tilts to the jug at the side.