Just Took 25 Laxatives Even Though The Last Time I Took This Much At Once I Ended Up Passed Out On The

Binged really bad yesterday, was only able to purge like under a quarter of it up before my throat began to burn too much so I took a little more than 15 laxatives I think. I feel and look so disgusting, the binge wasn’t even enjoyable. I want to water fast for the next 3 days to clear my system, but theres this voice inside my head that keeps trying to get me to binge again “it’s only 1 more day” “you still have food left in the freezer you can binge on, you don’t want to waste it after spending so much money on it do you” “you can just purge it out” “if you don’t binge now you not be able to ever again” and bullshit like that. I’m not even hungry, I’m still sickly full despite purging and digesting most of it, but I just want to eat.

Binging will be the death of me, if not by physically causing me to have a heart attack then most definitely by making me kill myself.

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

I hate food I hate my brain why can’t I stop thinking about food I can’t do this I can’t control myself I can’t binge again but I know I’m going to I can’t do this

GUESS WHO WOKE UP UNDER 50KG FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR, CAN I HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE !! (I’m so happy I could cry)

Nevermind guys I still feel shit as hell about my weight but I just absolutely demolished those 10k steps and am determined to get to 20k I’m locked back in 💪😛

Out of 53kg jail barely, although I’m happy I’ve atleast lost a little weight I’ve been losing so slowly and I’m constantly disappointed and scared that I won’t lose enough weight by my deadline. I need a tapeworm to eat away half of my body weight or something.

Now who’s gonna tell me why I be looking bmi 20+ when im in the low 18-high 17 range 😒😒

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

I’m so disappointed in myself, my goal was to get to 50kg by the end of this month and now it’s just to get back to where I was.

I’m praying with every little bit of faith I have left that I lose enough weight from this week long fast to get back to 51kg.

RAHH I’ve had this pain in my back right ribs for days now and it’s making walking so painful 😔