I Bought Some Sushi Impulsively And I Want To Eat It But I’m Not Sure How Many Calories Are In It Anf

God has cursed me with taste buds that don’t like any sort of 0 calorie energy drinks/fizzy drinks WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

So I just got back from my friends 3 day birthday trip which ended up turning into a 3 day long binge episode.

3 days of eating 3,000/5,000+ calories a day, food noise making it impossible to do anything or feel any sense of enjoyment, comparing myself and how much I ate to my skinny friend which made me so fucking depressed because she barely ate anything, shamefully gorging myself on food in the bathrooms, being in excruciating pain and discomfort from being so bloated, and having no way of relieving myself of it due to not bringing laxatives and being unable to purge.

This feels like a nightmare, and now I’m home it’s gotten worse, I can’t stop and I’m hanging out with my other friends tomorrow where we have a whole Easter dinner planned. We are probably going to go swimming but I’m so fat anf bloated the thought of taking my clothes off or revealing even an inch of myself makes me want to die. I don’t know what to do, I just want to die. I hate myself so much, I’ve never felt so ashamed, disappointed and insecure in my life.

That being said I just took 8 laxatives and am probably gonna take another 10 or 12 in a couple hours, walking feels useless and honestly painful but once the laxatives start working I might try and exercise for a couple hours.

Just saw a body check of my stomach from the morning before the binge episode I was so skinny I’m going to fucking end it why did I have to go anf ruin it

hate my mental health class in school because it immediately turns into a who’s the sickest competition someone fucking end me

STUPID BMI CALCULATOR KEEPS TELLING ME IM HEALTHY

I’m so pathetic I can’t believe I’m crying over bread, my mum chucked it out without telling me so now I can’t have what I was planning to eat and I can’t eat any other type of bread and I can’t eat past 3:30 (literally right this minute) so now my whole plans changed. I’m not even hungry but I have work and I always eat before work and now I can’t and everything feels so out of control.

Crazily enough I’m actually not having fun, I don’t like the stomach pain I don’t like the constantly feeling like you’re going to faint I don’t like not being able to enjoy meals I don’t like to sit with my less than child size portion of shit I don’t even really like while everyone else around me has a full plate of actually nice food I don’t like that I can’t eat normally without becoming stressed and pvrging

I hate this shit and I fucking want out anyone acting like an st4rving is fun and great and they love it is on a crazy amount of cope all day every day it’s all about food constantly trying to find ways to distract myself from it cut down on it I fucking hate it and it’s all for nothing being skinny won’t fix my shitty fucked up life

Broke my fast even though I wasn’t hungry, gave up 2 seconds into my workout and found out that due to binging and being a lazy fuck like I am tonight losertown estimates I’ll be at my ugw on the 10th of July, a whole month later than I had planned to reach it.

I want to die, I am constantly miserable and everyday I get closer and closer to genuinely just killing myself because I can’t take this. I hate my body and I hate my mind, I hate myself.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

And I’m all the way back up to 52.5kg. 4 kg in 4 days. I was literally less than a kg away from my GW, all my hard work down the drain like it never happened.

I’m so disappointed in myself, so so disappointed.