All The Gays Right Now

Happy New Year

I don't like being a decade older

outfit idea: a tshirt that says “I CAN’T BE KILLED” across the chest paired with booty shorts that read “GOD WON’T LET ME DIE” across the ass

The tv shows I watched as a kid strongly led me to believe I'd have an arch nemesis by now

how to kiss a boy

grab his waist

slip your hand in his pocket

steal his wallet

dont even kiss him

just run

happy new year

My inner lonely lesbian has two moods.

1) banging pots and pans to cry about how I don't have a gf I just wanna cuddle someone and do really dumb domestic stuff with her and sappho pleASE STOP MAKING ME LESBIALONE

2) dressing up pretty and swaggering with confidence because "every day is girlfriend hunting day" then getting bitchslapped silent by anxiety (Jeffrey) when there is a cute girl who wants to talk to me

“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.

A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.

I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,

“I am the manager.”

Your body is like a cake. Each part is an ingredient, like flour or butter. While it might not taste that good by itself, when you put it all together, you find a sweet and beautiful dessert 💚

big muscle lesbians you are so fucking valid