“I Want To Speak To A Manager,” The Middle-aged Woman Said In Her Stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago

you know those stories where the swan takes off it’s feathered cloak and turns into a sexy lady that some creepy farm dude marries? that but instead of a swan it’s the goose from untitled goose game and instead of being a sexy spouse it’s just doing the same things it always does it just has hands to more effectively grab things and longer legs to run with and instead of trying to keep the feathered cloak from it everyone is desperately trying to get it to put it back on

Y'all just know that feeling?

Listen, I've made a deal with life. I violently flaunt being gay regardless of the consequences so there's no second-guessing, and the cute girl is supposed to acknowledge the five rainbow pins I'm wearing and make the move for me.

A Halloween thing I forgot to post

It's my oc Adelaide as Kiki('s Delivery Service). I should've added more details but I also forgot lol

Don’t get your sex ed from fanfiction!

Get it from

Scarleteen

while he’s “roughly the size of a barge” and dumb as hell, gaston is NOT a himbo because he’s missing the ultimate himbo factor: kindness

LET'S MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING MAPS

YOU NEED

A BIG SHEET OF PAPER & A PENCIL

SOME MOTHER FUCKING MACCARONI (MAKE SURE THEY’RE DRY BRO DON’T WANT NO STICKY-ICKY MAP)

AIGHT THAT SHIT DON’T LOOK LIKE NO COUNTRY I KNOW (EXCEPT MAYBE AUSTRALIA FUCK THEM THOUGH)

ORGANIZE YOUR MACCARONI! MAKE SOME FUCKING COASTLINES!

BETTER, BUT NOT FUCKING GOOD! WHATEVER, TRACE THE COASTLINE WITH YOUR PENCIL. BE SURE TO BE SLIGHTLY SQUIGGLY AND, OH, FUCK THOSE LITTLE ISLANDS YOU MADE THEY’RE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO BE WOBBLY ENOUGH SO YOU’RE BETTER OFF USING EITHER RICE (OR SIMILAR) OR JUST TRY TO MAKE SOME REALISTIC FUCKING ISLANDS (SPOILER: YOU WON’T)

GOOD ENOUGH I GUESS WHATEVER LOOK AT THAT VAGUE SORT OF ISLAND/COUNTRY/CONTINENT SHAPED PIECE OF SHIT. SEE THE ISLANDS? I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO DAWG.

NOW TAKE A SHARPIE AND MAKE EVEN SQUIGGLIER FUCKING LINES AS YOU FILL IN YOUR ISOUNINENT

LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF SHIT IT TOOK ME LITERALLY TEN MINUTES TO MAKE TOPS AND NOW YOU JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO PUT ALL YOUR DWARF-FUCKING ELVES AND LIZARD-PEOPLE WITH BOOBS

FUCKING GOOD JOB

Yes, we all love a girl smiling, that's pretty, we all love when a girl winks, that's hot, and we all love when a girl blushes or pouts, that's cute, but we can all agree on ONE thing:

,,,,soft tiddies,,now that's just wonderful

If this post get to 200,000 notes by my 18th birthday (November 3rd 2020) I'll get my profile pic tattoo...

I'll get that little guy tattoo