Somebody Please Fucking Help Me I Can’t Take This Anymore

I feel like im so selfish. I hate this. I don’t want to be messy. I don’t want to be an attention seeker or anything. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t know how to get better or how to inspire myself to get better. What do I Fucking do? I’m so lost. I’m so lost and I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel so fucking dumb

Please fucking help me

I want to sleep and never wake up again

I’m trying so hard to act normal it genuinely feels awful again like what the actual fuck is going on please don’t hate me I feel weird talking about that whole situation with my friend she just made things so much worse . It makes me feel like everything has come crashing down again . I don’t know why im like this but I am and I just wish that people could see past that because I am more than my mental illnesses I just can’t do it man

I don’t know what I’m gonna do or how to get out I don’t know I’m so scared I think I’m in psychosis just don’t know but I’m in Hell I’m in fucking Hell I’m in purgatory I don’t know what it is but I’ve had so many chances I could’ve died but i wasn’t taken out because he wants me here to make me suffer there’s no other reason I’m alive he’s purposely doing this TK me he’s purposely fucking doing this to me he hates me and I don’t know why I don’t want god to hate me just just want to be a good person but I’m not I don’t know how I could ever make him foggiveme fuck man I’m so terrified itfuckjng makes me so upset I can’t do it I can’t

I miss my mom so much I can’t stop bawling my fucking eyes out

I can’t stop asking why without expecting to have answers but I reminded over and over there is only one answer

I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man

I need friends I need help I just need somebody I am drowning

What have I done to make you disgusted by me