I Feel Like Im So Selfish. I Hate This. I Don’t Want To Be Messy. I Don’t Want To Be An Attention

If you aren’t mad at me then why the fuck are you ignoring me you dumb piece of shit I fucking hate you I fucking hate you so much if you aren’t mad and worried why aren’t you taking me seriously why the fuck won’t you just speak up like a real fucking man instead of being a fucking pussy you fucking idiot

I am so fucking worthless when will this end

I dont Even know what to say I’m just speechless. I shouldn’t of asked him how you were doing and I shouldn’t have checked your twitter again. It didn’t trigger me THAT bad but I just can’t keep doing this over and over. I just wish you would hurt. I just wish you would feel my pain. I wish you would obsess over how bad you’re hurting like I do. I’m sorry

It is genuinely unbelievable just how fucking putrid and ugly I am. Not only will I never pass but I’m doomed to look and sound like the most hideous girl in the world. Once my boyfriend leaves me I will have nobody, because nobody wants to have or to be with an ugly girl.

I have lost everything. I mean literally fucking everything. I have lost my dearest friends who made me feel alive, I’ve lost my beauty, I’ve lost any interest in anything, I’ve lost my talent, I’ve lost my personality; even my best fucking friend of almost 4 years could care less if I got hit by a fucking car. I am nothing anymore. I am a literal basement dwelling leech. I am an ugly retard. I am hideous and I will never be anything to anybody.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. I remember the code of the gun safe and I am planning to write a pretty lengthy note. I’m going to paint the fucking walls with my goddamn brain matter. I can’t handle living like this. I can’t be miserable like this anymore. No matter how good things seem, it will never be meant for me. It will never be directed toward me. Nothing matters. I will end up kicked out of this house with nobody to go to, get hooked on hard drugs and overdose in the city of Lancaster Pennsylvania.

Even when I die I will be mocked at the hands of people who will be worth more than me when they die. I will always be a laughingstock. My tombstone will have my real name on it. I won’t be remembered for anything besides my mother’s mistake, and a troubled, retarded, embarrassing, mentally stunted girl.

I am miserable. I hate myself. I do not look in mirrors anymore and I don’t take pictures of myself because I am so fucking ugly. I am ashamed Everytime I go into public and dressing up will never cover up how disgusting and deformed I look. I want to rip my face off so nobody can recognize who I am. Everyone who sees me are shocked that somebody so hideous could ever have the bravery to go outside and pretend to be function-able when everyone can clearly see through me. I am so ashamed of myself. I’m guilty and disgusting. I hate myself

You make me fucking hate myself you aren’t a real friend

Please fucking help me

I don’t have anybody

I have a limited amount of days before I have to do it. I can’t keep living my life like this.

Many things make me happy but I have to wonder if it’s actually happiness. I feel empty with every single relationship im involved in. I’m not even really sexual that much anymore and unfortunately that says something about me.

At this point I just really give up. I try to find the positives. I think there are actually a lot of positives in my life. I have a great boyfriend, friends, most of the times my parents are good, and a lot of other things. But I can’t have these things forever.

I can’t just be a kid. I can’t just sit in my room and talk to my friends always. I have been robbed of a childhood yet in 8 Monday’s im graduating high school. I have not had a plan for my life because I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do, honestly.

I have 8 more Monday’s (7 after this week) where I have opportunities to do it. I have 2 prescription bottles full of Geodone which is an antipsychotic that can cause Serotonin Syndrome. That is how ill do it. I will mix alcohol with it and maybe some sleeping meds to really seal the deal. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking do this anymore.

I don’t know why the fuck I am so unfixable. Why I can just never really be happy. Why I can’t just function normally. Why what I am going through seems to never have an actual answer. What the fuck am I doing here then? Just to suffer for other’s amusement?

I feel guilt. I feel so fucking guilty. I can’t stand seeing people be nice to me about what im going through yet I can’t get enough of it. I feel like such a fucking loser. I feel such shame for having these emotions to the point I don’t even know if I should talk about them anymore. I’m just so sad. It’s so much worse than sad. This situation is just so fucked up. I want to die

Somebody please fucking help me I can’t take this anymore

I genuinely am such a fucking loser