Latest Posts by crayonboy - Page 9

some low calorie junk food if anyones interested…

you will succeed at every goal you’ve set for yourself, it just takes patience and consistency.

you will succeed at every goal you’ve set for yourself, it just takes patience and consistency.

‘‘I knew long before I started killing that I was going to be killing, that it was going to end up like that. The fantasies were too strong. They were going on for too long and were too elaborate.’‘

—Edmund Kemper

I completely forgot I saved this like months ago but honestly she’s the funniest person I fuckin love her

I cannot believe the amount of posts I'm seeing complaining about "wannarexics" not being the real deal are you seriously gatekeeping anorexia

Y'all, I think I found THE SHIT.

So basically, my cousin has always had issues with his weight and he recently bought this tea, right? A month or two later and he's lost so much weight that he's actually underweight now and doesn't even have much of an appetite.

My whole family is joking about how he's a walking ad for that tea, so I'm getting some soon and I will tell y'all if it works and how it works.

The name of the tea is something like yerba mate.

What is heavier? A 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers?

The answer is the feathers.

200 pounds of bricks is just a bunch of bricks, but if you try to carry 200 pounds of feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

Angsty Springtrap headcanon:

30 years in a dark room without any lights other than his eyes and glowing remnant built up his nyctophobia (fear of darkness) and sedatephobia (fear of silence).

At night when hes trying to sleep in his designated room inside Fazbears Fright, he has to leave the TV on and running to create light and have background noise before going to sleep.

However, he does find comfort in semi dark rooms (with light sources tho. Never completely dark) and less noise but never silent. Gentle rain or soft music is best to ease his nerves.

Darkness makes him feel cornered and trapped, weighing him down and suffocating him. Silence makes the voices and noises in his head louder until it becomes physically painful.

When combined for a certain period of time, he will self induce stasis (make himself go unconcious) as an escape inside his mind and remain like that for minutes to a handful of hours until hes calmed down enough to wake himself up. If he doesn't self induce stasis, he will begin to grow frantic and tear himself apart until he gets too stressed out and his systems shut down into stasis lock (a form of a coma that can last for a couple days to several years)

DO NOT GIVE OR GET ANY VACCINATIONS FOR YOURSELF OR  YOUR KIDS………..

TW: MEANSPO

i saw a meanspo post a little while ago that talked about how all that delicious, tempting food will inevitably become disgusting, greasy, yellow fat.

now i can’t look at the food i crave without seeing lumpy piles of oily fat.

i wanted to make a similar post to motivate myself.

pizza! a classic. warm, cheesy, comforting, and greasy. so greasy. that isn’t just pizza.

it’s fat. grease and cheese and bread makes yellow bubbles under your skin that swell until you’re back where you started.

ice cream tacos? i’ve never had one, but they look delicious. just look at all that sugar and chocolate and all those carbs. carbs.

carbs that soak into you and puff up your tummy, your thighs, your double chin, everything you’ve worked so hard to get rid of.

donuts! my weakness. a million flavors of crispy, soft, sweet.

just one of these babies has more calories than i typically eat in a day.

do you want pizza?

do you want an ice cream taco?

do you want a donut?

is this what you want?

that isn’t food. it’s fat.

nasty, gelatinous fat.

is this what you want?

because that’s what you’re eating every time you gorge on a high-calorie treat.

it’s never worth it.

it’s never worth sacrificing weeks of hard work for a moment or two of pleasure.

nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

creative writing/journal

“soft like you” (for my sister)

i strived for nearly a decade to be your specific kind of fragile. sparrow shoulders, matchstick fingers. soft hands and quiet lungs. you never could appreciate what it was to be admired.

i had always been jealous of you. for your softness and your smallness. i wanted to make myself small too. i have always taken up too much space and been far too loud for my own good. i wish i’d realized how lost you were. when you stripped yourself of your skin and tried to make yourself something sharp, i should not have felt so much contempt. i have always felt too sharp. like people cut themselves on my edges. and you were all the things i wished i had been, so when you gave that up i thought you were ungrateful. it was selfish of me and i’m sorry. and i’m sorry i felt you didn’t deserve this illness i know we both have. you do not know that i know, but i do. how you wrote it all down in a tiny notebook like i did. and i know it was awful for my goal to be becoming smaller than you. i didn’t know you were suffering too because you were already beautiful.

hero: IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO???

villain: *choking back tears* uh, yeah, i'm actually trying really hard here man

hero: *now looking uncomfortable* oh

how to be soft:

~ style your hair in gentle waves or loose curls

~ write love letters to yourself and others

~ decorate your home with fresh flowers to bring natural beauty indoors

~ volunteer and help those who are less fortunate 

~ choose herbal teas over coffee

~ moisturise to keep your skin smooth and youthful

~ keep a gratitude journal

~ wear a broad brimmed hat to maintain a flawless complexion

~ find a signature perfume with a delicate floral scent

~ be sincere and generous with your compliments

~ drink plenty of water to stay hydrated 

~ call your loved ones regularly

~ use cruelty free beauty products

~ wear silk and lace for a delicate angelic look

~ breakfast on pastries and fresh fruit

~ wear minimal jewellery, opting for delicate pieces and pearls

~ drink rose scented tea

~ bathe in milk and flower petals

~ light scented candles 

~ consider a vegetarian lifestyle

~ go make-up free, or aim for a dewy natural look

~ learn to bake and send sweet treats as gifts to your friends

~ donate to charities close to your heart

~ practice kindness, always 

I need to get out of this binge mindset fast. I'm currently off school for the week and usually I use that as excuse to pig out because "I need to eat because my parents will get suspicious". Well, not this time. I've been regularly binging for most of February and I'm doing a hard reset to get out of it.

What that means;

No weighing myself for three days. Every time I do a hard reset I refuse to weigh myself because it only makes it worse. Whether those numbers are good or bad I will somehow find a way to use it as an excuse to binge so really it's easier to hold off.

No snacks. I'm gonna engage every coping mechanism I can and go cold turkey on snacks for this week.

No chocolate bars/ice cream/dessert. I've done this before and it went fine so I can do it again.

No eating at all unless I have to. If my parents are forcing me to stay down and have dinner with them then fine, but when I'm home alone and suddenly decide I should make a sandwich and brownies and whatever fucking else, I need to stop myself.

Slowly start exercising again. If I'm fasting a lot I don't have to do much but I need to get back into a sustainable routine, which means at least 10 minutes a day.

NO LIQUID CALORIES. That means coffee with sugar, hot chocolate and alcohol. If I do I'll be consuming liquid calories (since I know I'm going out to a party where there will be drinks and I refuse to be left out) I won't eat all morning and will have only light snacks at night to stop me from getting sick.

Stay busy!! I've been spending a lot of time lying on my bed watch It's always sunny on Netflix. Instead I'll put my tablet where I can see it or cast it to my TV and watch it while cleaning my room. It burns calories and stops me from thinking about food.

Set up some sort of skin care routine cause my acne hasn't been this bad since I was 14 and I need to get it under control. This one isn't really ed related but I think my acne is partially caused by all the shit I've been eating, plus self care helps me stay on track.

Set up my plan for March. Yeah every month I go "this is gonna be my month" and it never is but I really think March will be different because I'm gonna set up a concrete plan. Rather than just going "urgh I won't binge this month" or "I'll start exercising this month" I'm actively writing down safe food lists, coping mechanisms to stop me binging, my favourite quick workouts, motivational messages, ANYTHING I can that will help me. I'm gonna do that 30 day thinspo challenge. I'm gonna set reminders to update my journals. I'm gonna get myself back together. Around march time last year was when I first got into this mess and when I first started dropping weight. So this March, I'm getting back into it. I'm fixing this mess.

These are just my rules for the next 5-7 days while I try and get myself back together. Of course some stuff like my skin care and exercise will stick but once I get back to school the eating rules will have to change and of course I've gotta start weighing again eventually cause my body dismorphia means I can see NO progress by looking in a mirror so matter how many times my mum says my weight loss is obvious. But following these should help me fix myself up for the rest of February. And I don't expect March to go smoothly either; like I said, I think every month will be "my month" and it's not. But if March can be just a bit better than February and April can be a bit better than that, then in a couple months I'll be back to smooth sailing. By next year I'll have made real progress.

Do you want to look delicate?

Do you want to look lovely in a dress? To have your bones visible? Do you want to always be the skinniest in the room and feel the looks of jealousy of your looks?

Maybe that's not what you want. Maybe what you really want is to be fat. To eat five slices of pizza and binge on the ice cream you got on the fridge just waiting for you.

Well the choice is your, really. But you know you can't have both.

Im doing all of these at the same time starting tonight, I'll post results as I go. If you want to join lmk!!

Heck yeah

reblog to be added to an ed server

my friend and i set up a server for our eating disorder and it’s really snazzy i want ppl to join bc it’s pretty cool. we are funny it will be fun im bad at advertising but trust me

Just a Remind to Myself (TW)

If you hate being so ugly and fat, then why do you keep eating? Why do you keep doing things you promise yourself you’re not going to do? You’ve re-blogged it a million times, hungry hurts but starving works. Why cant you get that into your head?  It’s not that hard you know, stop eating. Make excuses. You have a weight loss foster family and you’re worried they’re going to notice your eating behaviors? You know they want you to lose weight. How they always mention your legs, the clothing they wear. How they describe you. It’s obvious they think you’re fat, oh wait, they know you’re fat. So, why cant you change it? For yourself and for them. It’s not that hard.  Stop eating.  Exercise. Stop eating. Exercise. Stop eating. Exercise. STOP EATING. Don’t you want to make people jealous, have them stare at you? You’ll only get there by hard work and motivation. So starve.  Just imagine how they’ll look at you when you come back from break skinny and dainty. The jealous glances, the snide comments, the looks. The Looks. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?  Your friends dont want to be seen with you, your family doesn’t want you, your mother knows you’re ugly. So change it before you cant.  Don’t you want to be your own thinspo? To be other peoples thinspo? SO FIX YOURSELF AND REPEAT AFTER ME I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends I will be skinny before break ends  I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I wont be the fat friend anymore I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I will eat less I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I’ll stop craving food I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family I will be the skinniest girl in my family

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

STOP EATING TO MAKE YOUSELF FEEL “GOOD”

Ana songs~

(Songs that help me cope or maybe trigger me to restrict?)

~ Weightless by Mia&Debbie

~ Gala Girl by Rory Webley

~ Skinny by Edith Backlund

~ Cherry Wine by Hozier

~ Breathe Me by Sia

~ No Time To Die by Billie Eilish

~ Midnight Run by ElysianSoul

~ Ribs by Lorde

~ Skinny Love by Bon Iver

~ Strawberry Shortcake by Melanie Martinez

~ Paper Bag by Fiona Apple

~ Run by Joji

~ Cause and Effect by Maria Mena

~ Starving For Attention by Geri Karlstrom

~ Live Happy, Live with Anorexia by Stage

~ My Bestfriend Ana by Daisy Phillips

~ Orange Juice by Melanie Martinez

~ Sugar and Ice by ElysianSoul

~ Please Eat by Nightcore

~ Just a Little bit by NibbyKinzz

~ Dear Friend by Stacie Orrico

~ Ugly by Nicole Dollanger

~ Rosyln by Bon Iver

~ Plastic Taste by Joji

~ She’s falling apart by Lisa Loeb

~ We need to eat by Kent

~ The Doctor Said by Chloe Adams

~ Habits by Maria Mena

~ The Smile Underneath by ElysianSoul

~ There’s a Ghost by Fleurie

Stay safe lovelies, and feel free to reblog and add more :)

Ethereal

ZERO CAL CREAMY ICED COFFEE

THIS IS NOT A DRILL i just made iced coffee that’s “creamy” as FUCK. and it’s ZERO CALORIES. IT WAS STUPIDLY SIMPLE.

SO what you do is:

2cups ice

1/4-1/2 cup STRONG COFFEE (you can even do an espresso shot)

a splash of vanilla and caramel flavour (optional)

0cal sweetener to taste

BLEND THE FUCK OUTTA THAT BITCH UNTIL IT FROTHS. it’ll turn a cream beige colour then you know it’s done. the froth makes it taste like there’s legit HEAVY CREAM in it.

Lemme know how y’all like it!

Charlie, Cassidy, and the other kids: *celebtrating after William's death*

William Afton, waking up as Springtrap:

some self thinspo.

it’s August. you wake up, arms lifting high above your head, towards the front of the bed, in a gentle yawn. you note their weightlessness, how easy it is to wrap a full hand around the other. your fingers, once plump, are now bony — you can see the pink of your knuckles blush vibrantly against the paleness of the rest of the hand, illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the window.

you turn over, and suddenly it all comes rushing back towards you. it’s the first day of college. last night, you and your roommate chatted for hours about your similarities, and for once, you’re not jealous. you look at her, and see yourself — you are both beautiful. skinny. her body and beauty are not a threat to you. you are finally one of the pretty ones. you belong in a room with her.

while she sleeps, you rise and dress for the unusually chill morning. finally, you can wear skirts; your thighs don’t rub against one another as they used to, and they don’t split runs in the pristine white tights that cover them so elegantly. you slip on a blouse; it too is white and thin, but there’s nothing to see behind it. your fat rolls don’t press against the fabric, and the only thing sticking out are your collarbones. over it you layer a cardigan, and pull the sleeves up over your sharp elbows. despite the chill weather, you intend to show off the wrists you worked so hard for off.

you then move to the bathroom, to brush your hair and teeth. makeup isn’t necessary, you’re already near-perfect just by your weight. but today, you slide a single swab of lipgloss across your lips, and a bit of mascara across your eyelashes.

god, you’re so ethereal.

as you walk out the door with your bag, you appreciate the lightness of your steps. for the first time in forever, you are confident. you are ready to take on the world. and you are skinny.

Bitter, it goes down my throat

The coffee burns

I'm afraid I'm going to bloat

So I heave in turns

My head light as a balloon

Stomach burnt out and empty

I stood up so fast I swoon

Sickly, sweaty

I grab on to anything for support

Hands wrap around uncertainly

My breathing is short

I'm trying to catch it fervently

Catching composure finally

I bring myself to attention

Putting my body in check spitefuly

The releasing of my prehension

Look to the mirror for consolation

This body is a temple of bones

Much to my elation

Comfortable, this is my home

Give me some feedback please ❤

Imagine thinspo for myself, 14.2.20

it’s 9:00 and you don’t want to go to work.

you roll over in bed and reach for your phone, slender fingers quickly turning off your alarm. you sigh, stare at the ceiling, and wonder if there’s any way you could get out of it. until that time, though, you lazily sit up and put on your slippers. on the way to the bathroom, you pull your short hair back into a ponytail and yawn.

when you turn and look at yourself in the mirror, you feel confused for a moment... is that you? you see the girl in the mirror knit her brows together in confusion as she reaches a hand to touch her sharp jawline. her hand travels down her neck as she watches. moments later, she pulls the hair tie from her hair and watches her short, curly blonde hair fall in a chin-length bob, framing her slender cheeks wonderfully, accenting her brown doe eyes.

it’s you. truly, you have a hard time believing it. for months you lost yourself to the fact that you were to remain forever a chubby glutton, every time you looked in the mirror you saw the girl you were when ana came to you. now, for whatever reason, today you see who you became with her. a slender fae of a girl, sloping collarbones, petite build, big eyes and high cheekbones. you smile a little, a tiny sliver of white teeth peeking through your pink lips.

“hey,” you say quietly.

you think you can make it to work after all.

what i want for myself ♡

- getting out of bed and not hating the way it creaks with my weight

- walking and not hating the weight of my arms at my sides, the way my thighs rub together

- looking someone in the eye and being unafraid of what they see

- interlacing my fingers and crossing my legs easily

- not worry about my double chin whenever I yawn or lean forward

- eat in public without worrying that people are thinking “no wonder she’s fat”

- be confident enough to wear short sleeves and shorts

- be able to fit in my old clothes

- learn to like clothes shopping again

- not be humiliated when p.e. class does bmi

- hear “you’re beautiful” and believe it

- stop hating mirrors

- stop hating myself (maybe not love, but it’s enough for me)

feel free to add your own ♡

THE BARE BASICS

1. CLEANSING

This step can literally make or break your routine tbh, if you get a cleanser that’s too drying, it will cause major damage to your skin. Your skin has a pH of 4.5-5.5 and most of the popular cleansers recommended on skincare threads you might see on say twitter etc such as Castile soap is actually too alkalic for your skin! It strips your skin of moisture and leaves it super dry. I know most of y'all love that squeaky clean feeling these kind of cleansers give your skin but that’s not necessarily the case. (side note: if you use makeup I’d highly recommend double cleansing where you remove your makeup with an oil based cleanser followed by washing your face with a water based cleanser)

Some good oil based cleansers ;

Neutrogena ultra light cleansing oil

Tatcha one step Camellia cleansing oil

Banila Co clean it zero

Heimish all clean balm

The Face Shop rice water bright rich cleansing oil

DHC deep cleansing oil

Low pH water based cleansers;

Cosrx low pH good morning gel cleanser

SebaMed clear face foaming cleanser

CeraVe foaming facial cleanser

Su:m37 miracle rose cleansing stick

Cleaning waters (optional, can be used to remove residue of dirt and debris after cleansing and also as a quick cleanse if you’re in a rush) ;

Bioderma hydrabio H2O micelle solution

Thayers witch hazel (alcohol free version )

Caudalie micellar cleansing water

Garnier skin micellar cleansing water

2. MOISTURIZING

Moisturizing is a crucial step in skincare (yes, even for oily skin!) to help keep your your skin youthful and it hold water in the outermost layer of your skin to act as a barrier. It protects your skin and helps improve texture. Studies have shown that people who moisturize their skin accumulate wrinkles at just a fraction of the rate of their dry skin counterparts.

Moisturizers for oily skin;

Keihl’s ultra facial oil free gel cream

The Ordinary moisturizing factors + HA (tbh good for combo/normal skin too)

Cosrx oil free ultra moisturizing lotion

La Roche-Posay tolerian ultra Soin de Nuit

Pure aloe vera gel

Moisturizers for dry skin;

Dr. Jart+ ceramidin cream

Belif the true cream-moisturizing bomb

Benton snail bee high content steam cream

Clinique moisture surge intense

Moisturizers for combination skin;

LA Roche-Posay Toleriane double repair moisturizer UV

Neutrogena naturals multivitamin nourishing moisturizer

Belif the true cream-moisturizing bomb

Paula’s Choice SKIN BALANCING invisible finish moisture gel moisturizer

3. SUNSCREEN

Do I really need to explain why this is super important? If you’re not wearing sunscreen, especially if you’re outdoors (side note: please reapply every two hours), you’re more prone to forming age spots, wrinkles, blemishes and we’ll ask hyperpigmentation meaning this can also cause any acne scarring etc you might have to get darker, making it harder to get rid of.

Sunscreen recs for oily skin;

Julep no excuses invisible sunscreen gel spf 40

Clinique super city block ultra protection spf 40

La Roche-Posay anthelion clear skin face sunscreen for oily skin spf 60

Etude House sunprise mild airy finish spf 50

Australian Gold Botanical spf 50 sunscreen

Sunscreen recs for dry skin;

Lakme Sun Expert with Spf 30

L'Oreal Age Perfect Facial Oil SPF 30

CeraVe Skin Renewing Day Cream spf 30

Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Moisturizer With SPF 30

Sunscreens recs for combination skin;

Suntegrity 5-in-1 sunscreen spf 30

Perricone MD photo plasma moisturizer broad spectrum spf 30

Kate Somerville daily deflector moisturizer spf 50

THAT’S ALL FOR THIS POST! I’LL BE MAKING ANOTHER SEPARATE POST ON TOPICAL SUPPLEMENTS FOR INDIVIDUAL SKIN NEEDS. HOPE Y'ALL LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM THIS POST AND FEEL FREE TO SEND ME AN ASK IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ♡

(side note: as a POC myself, I am aware of the whitecast most sunscreens leave but I couldn’t reccomend many that don’t since I have yet to properly research good products in that category. I will do my homework on this and make a separate post on that for you guys)