Driving According To My Hometown:

I feel like the beach showcases humanity at its finest. There are happy newlyweds taking pictures together. Elderly couples walk hand in hand and watch the sunset. Little kids bubble over with excitement when they see the water for the first time. Everyone is collecting shells. There is pure, uncontainable joy. A sense of peace hangs in the air along with the salt.

And then I look for too long and see the plastic bottle caps bobbing in the water and the beer cans littering the sand.

Actually, all of my systems are nervous

I am preparing for battle (going to the post office to kindly and politely ask where my missing package is)

One gone, one dead, one cruel. Where does that leave me?

I wonder if you miss me

“It’s okay lol I don’t care” - bitch who cares so much her bones hurt

*flight of the bumblebee plays furiously as I navigate Walmart*

new year, new me! I'm going to get even sillier

Remember, the most important thing is to do all your tasks with a scowl :)

*my assistant runs on stage, whispering frantically* wait- what. Oh- a SMILE do it with a SMILE- WAIT A SMI-