I Am Preparing For Battle (going To The Post Office To Kindly And Politely Ask Where My Missing Package

What I am

Sweet child, I am the devil’s lover, manipulation and I are sisters, guilt and I are family. And I, I darling, I am made of pure hell fire. I will be fine.

I like to think I’m a strong sailor, but even I can’t resist the siren’s song of the arts and crafts aisle in the Walmart

After all, do they not bleed?

You know, as you become an adult, you will face many new and unexpected challenges. This can be a really scary experience. What do I do when my can opener rusts? I didn’t know this was a possibility.

Remember. We are not running away. We are retreating strategically

My wife: Do you want a wordle hint? It's pretty esoteric and random - I don't know how helpful it'll be

Me: Yeah actually

My wife: It's part of the title to one of my favorite glass animals songs

Me, .2 seconds later: Oh! I got it.

One gone, one dead, one cruel. Where does that leave me?

Remember. Any room can be a guest room if you put your guests there.

Hey! What's the hardest part of having a boyfriend and a wife?

Oh! Easy. Google calendar.

I love you stuffed animals. I love you blankie. I love you bed. I love you pillows.