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They're probably Frankensteining it in there or something idk not my business

lightening struck the capitol building on new years eve... not any kind of omen or anything

But My Brother In Christ...

Have you considered that maybe...

I also want to see the Horsies?

people wanting tumblr clout is so funny to me. like girl you're fighting for a window seat in the clown car

YOU

can he sit on your dash for a minute?? he'll be very polite :]

I would like to clarify THE DRINK.

hahahaha hoo *takes a beaker full of glowy green laboratory juice and drinks its contents* aw haha *becomes an evil and fucked up monster* hahaha

So far today at work I've had to:

Clean blood off of a door,

Manage three entrances by myself, all very far apart,

Learn how to turn off the handicap lock,

Let two groups into the building at the same time, from opposite doors,

And catch like, 30 seels in Pokémon Go.

I got here two hours ago.

We were cleaning the python's tank and I was holding him, and he went up my shirt, and needless to say, snake in boobs.

Wh-

What's the soda OP?

Me: I will drink a caffeinated beverage on the day I took my adderall, it will not fuck with my sleep at all

Narrator: It did fuck with her sleep at all.

kinda funny when english teachers say stuff like “i can tell if you didnt read the book” or “i can tell when people bs their paper”

no you cant.  you can tell when people are bad at bs-ing their paper.  i didnt even read the sparknotes and i barely skimmed the wikipedia and you gave me an A.  you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies

Absolutely.

What an amazing spell!  Would you cast it?