Did Something Happen OP???

i gave my sister $100 for her bday, but i gave it to her in $1 bills that i folded into origami. so that’s how she pays for delivery food & now the pizza girl thinks she’s a stripper

Me to my coworker: I'm sorry Gillian, but i really don't want you watch me eat soup and put on ointment like the old lady i am.

My coworker: :(

does anyone have that one painting with the ghosts standing in the water?

I AM NOW IN SEARCH OF AN ENEMY TO INEVITABLY FALL IN LOVE WITH BY THE END OF THE BOOK. PLEASE APPLY ASAP AS I AM DOING VERY WELL IN MY CASTLE WITH MY VAST AMOUNTS OF WEALTH AND I DESIRE TO SPICE THINGS UP FOR PLOT REASONS.

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

✨🍂🎃october won't be a shit storm🎃🍂✨

like to charge, reblog to cast

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

allow me to tell you of the grave error i made yesterday. it was 8pm. i was cooking moroccan stew. needed to let it simmer for 25 minutes before i added the chickpeas. i shall go upstairs, thought i, and take a shower, and leave the chickpeas on the counter to drain. puddles the cat is sleeping near the stove. i briefly consider locking her out of the kitchen - but surely even she, leviathan of unconquerable appetites, will not concern herself with hard, drained, uncooked chickpeas. surely not.

with this set-up in mind, what do you imagine i found when i came back downstairs?

Sibling has said terrible things to me involving Brynjolf. Please kill on sight.

THIS IS STILL THE CASE IF ANY WEARY TRAVELLERS WANT TO KNOCK ON MY DOOR DURING A THUNDERSTORM WEARING A RAIN SOAKED WHITE SHIRT AND HAVE ME COME TO THE DOOR AND INVITE THEM INSIDE OUT OF THE RAIN AND MAKE THEM A LOVELY DINNER BUT NOT EAT ANY MYSELF AND-

I AM NOW IN SEARCH OF AN ENEMY TO INEVITABLY FALL IN LOVE WITH BY THE END OF THE BOOK. PLEASE APPLY ASAP AS I AM DOING VERY WELL IN MY CASTLE WITH MY VAST AMOUNTS OF WEALTH AND I DESIRE TO SPICE THINGS UP FOR PLOT REASONS.

I just heard the most anguished cry of "noooooooo!" From a kid in the bathroom at my work. Should I be afraid?