See These Hands. They've Been In So Many Armpits.

bathroom smelled, and now my lungs are pumpkin spice scented

When you marinate meat, your meat also gets marinated.

who needs patterns I can learn to sew by force of will

had to go elbow deep in the couchussy to get the remote

Nothing is worse than bumping your headphones and turning on ambient mode. You're just watching your silly little videos one second, and the next, you're in the trenches during a storm praying to a god who will not answer for a mercy that will not be given.

"good squash is softer than a child's skull"

-my dad

tummy grumbles have me hauling ass across the store white knuckling the cart, hoping I don't shit myself

The gates of hell have opened in the Meijer woman's bathroom.

WHO DID THIS. WHO DECIDED TO HAVE A ERECT CHIKEN TENDER WITH SAUSE DRIPPING FROM THE TIP. WHO WENT I WOULD LIKE SOME CUMMY NUGGIES AND MADE THIS PACKAGEING. NO. ILLEGAL. IT'S EVERYWHERE. SOMEONE SAW THIS AND SIGNED OFF ON THIS. THEY DIDN'T SEE A PROBLEM. THEY REALLY WENT YUP LOOKS GOOD AND MOVED ON WITH THIER LIFE.

eating water activated tape straight from the tape despenser like its fruit by the foot