Second: I Dare You-

Chosen: So I’m the only one around here who can clean up, huh? You can't even lift a finger?

Dark: Do I get to pick the finger?

Red: Give me everything you’ve got!

Purple: All your friends secretly hate you.

Red: Wait, what?

Purple: I’ve got anxiety.

Red: So, Purple, do you have a crush on anyone?

Purple: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Chosen: You know, I'd love a partner who's sensitive, caring, and willing to do anything for me.

Dark: *explosions in the distance*

Chosen:

Chosen: I want that one.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Purple: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Red: ...I did. I broke it.

Purple: No. No you didn't. Green?

Green: Don't look at me. Look at Yellow.

Yellow: What?! I didn't break it.

Green: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Yellow: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Green: Suspicious.

Yellow: No, it's not!

Second: If it matters, Blue was the last one to use it.

Blue: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Red: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Purple.

Purple: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Green: Purple... Yellow's been awfully quiet.

Yellow: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Purple, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Purple: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Purple:

Purple: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Purple, in Green’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Green, knocking Purple off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Purple: Ow—

Green: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Purple: I had a nightmare.

Green: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Purple: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Green, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Purple: That is not what I meant—

Green: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Purple: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Green: Yeah, okay-

Purple: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Green: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Purple, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed!

Green: I did not consent to this-

Purple, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Green, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-seven.

Dark: And then they ran into my knife. 10 times.

Chosen: You mean you stabbed them?

Dark: They ran into my knife.

Yellow: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Green: I believe in you, Purple!

Purple, to themself: God, I must suck. The nicest thing Green can think to say to me is that they don’t doubt my existence.

Second: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.