Latest Posts by auggieoof - Page 4

I can vouch for finch. Makes me do stuff like brushing my teeth and I don't forget stuff as easily cuz it's all there written down

guys. please

a peppino to make me (and you) feel better

Diary Entry #20

I got a binder and two packers!!! Too bad I can't wear them basically anywhere lmao but still. I cleaned my room with my binder on. I was so worried it wasn't making me flat enough, i mean it doesn't matter now but when I go on T it might.

I made sure to order the right size but after like an hour of wearing it I still kinda hurt. But I'm okay now (it's my second time wearing it, first time wearing it for any significant amount of time.)

I went down a very brief spiral (brief being like 15 minutes tops) where I was like "OH MY GOD WHAT IF I'M NOT TRANS." But looking back, I think it's because my binder didn't make me like 100% flat, more like I have pecs or maybe gynomastia and I'm pretty sure now that's what it was.

But seeing me in pictures with my binder (with my face/hair mostly cropped out) on made me super happy, it's just that looking at me irl still makes me think I look very fem because I still have these fem characteristics and it makes me feel kinda bad. My spiral was not very rational.

I think the thought "what if my binder doesn't actually bind enough?? What if I still look like I have a large chest??" isn't actually very cis, looking back on it. I'm gonna post some pictures of me in a shirt with and without the binder and let y'all be the judge. I think I'm just freaking out over nothing, but I can't stop thinking like that. Under the cut btw, first pic with binder second pic w/o.

Rise up trans goth girl admirers

silly little goober. I needed Silly Goose today thank you

I follow this lady on instagram who rescues cats, and i have been thinking about this video for literal months. behold the transformation of this wretched little beast

(x)

@glurblr and @raineboweclispe

Ten things

Last song listened to-

Hey Rich Boy by The Millionaires (lol)

Favorite color-

Navy blue, mint green

Last book read-

American Teenager (really good btw!! About trans teenager experiences in America)

Last TV show watched-

Gravity Falls

Sweet/spicy/savory-

Savory for the most part if I understood the question right!

Relationship status-

Single 😔

Last thing I googled-

"News for today" i like to stay informed

Current obsession-

PVZ (please help me it's the only thing I think about)

Looking forward to-

Getting out of my house where I'm not accepted

I'M LITERALLY EXPLODING Y'ALL LOOK AT THIS ANIMATION PLEASE!!!!

(Not mine but I adore this so much)

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THE INTERNET SOMETIMES

Dropping this here for anyone who may not already know about it. paywallreader.com

Diary entry #19

You ever have a blorbo who literally takes up like 99% of the space in your brain and you have no clue why?? This guy does!!

Edgar George Zomboss (Plants vs Zombies) is my current guy that lives in my head... and I don't know why? He's literally awful in every regard but like I can't stop thinking about him for whatever reason. The main reason I'm reading the pvz comics and playing the games are because of him. The autism goes insane sometimes.

I literally have two fanfics in the works with him as the main character or at least someone very significant. What is wrong with me!!!!

The brainrot I have is severe. I literally see something like idk, a guy in a brown suit, and my brain goes "pvz reference???"

I think when I get to have a life outside of my grandparent's house maybe I'll be a little less mentally ill about my fav characters. One can hope.

do you want to see a random species of bird

Thank you... assfuckmcgriddle... awesome cat

remember those who could not make it to today. honor their memory. live for them.

this year, more than ever. remember those who have perished. live for them. live for yourself. existence is resistance

Diary entry #18

I was with my grandparents at chilis and a transfem lady was our server. I wanted to shrink down and die because, although I wasn't paying much attention, I think my grandma asked my sister if she was trans. She wasn't near when I thought my grandma said that, but transfem lady at chili's I am so sorry I wish people were fucking normal.

I wish I could feel camaraderie (hope that's the right word) with the queer people that I see out and about, but I'm always looking over my shoulder to see if my grandparents are there because GOD FORBID i interact/even look with people like me I guess.

I don't say anything to them, I'm not the type to out people, but I look at them and think they are cool and maybe compliment them. I don't have any friends at all, let alone any queer ones, so these are the only people that are like me in that way I see irl. God I hope this doesn't come off as weird.

be free!!

Was expecting a shitpost for some reason but this is an excellent story/comic

How To Draw A Horse - a comic by Emma Hunsinger

This post made me feel a lot of emotions. Thank you anon, sm.

I am a trans man and I have lots in common with cis men.

I am a Jewish man, and my “ethnic” white features are the ones that trans men meet with fear and revulsion: hairiness, balding, shortness, and carrying weight in my hips and ass. I look like my father, my grandfather, and my brother. I will not apologize for that.

I am a queer man, and I love and defend my queerness. I get de-gendered and they/themmed because I am expressive, I am dynamic, and I am loud. I love drag, I love to queen out, I love gay mens’ history and culture. I love leather, I love kink, and I love seeing other people like me in those spaces. I love to feel, see, hear, touch and connect with other men— cis and trans.

I am a disabled man. I have that in common with cis men too. Men who are afraid they are not manly enough because they are not physically strong, because they cannot endure hard labor, or work out or play sports. Men who are “weak” for being mentally ill, or autistic, or expressing their emotions at inappropriate times. Autistic men who have “childish” interests and are terrified of being mocked for them, or who can only enjoy what they love “ironically”.

I am on HRT. I have that in common with hundreds of men who have naturally lower testosterone, and older men. I wear a binder, which is something I have in common with men with gynecomastia.

The longer I transition, the more the constellation of traits that make me “clockable” or “non passing” as trans shifts, and takes on new meaning. Yes, I have wide hips, a big ass, I am short, I am queer, I am mentally ill. No, I am not like “the average” man. But I see myself reflected in new places all the time.

I am a person who wields the privileges of whiteness and male gender. I am constantly learning how to be humble, how to let others speak, and how to be in mutuality and support instead of “protective”. I see this same struggle in other men in activism, who have been assumed to be leaders, but now need to learn to follow, and learn to listen.

I am a man, straightforwardly. Other men are my brothers, and I love them. Women are my sisters, and I care for them and want them to walk freely in the world. No person is not my kin, and I want them to be liberated. All our fights are entwined.

Thanks for making the space to share this.

An absolutely beautiful message, thank you.

Diary entry #17

Vent I guess

Ed warning and dysphoria and sh

I wish I could be normal about my weight. I'm overweight. If I looked like a guy then I think I could forgive it but I don't and know my curves are more visible everyday and I want to die!! /hj on that last part

The universe is cruel in the way that I can't lose weight unless I eat like triple digits (calorie wise) every day because I binge so fucking much. So I don't fit in normal or even ed communities online because I'm like that.

Nothing I have ever done has ever fixed my binging problem. I think it's a medicine side effect thing but my grandparents don't want me to change them. I don't know why.

When I was in my active ed phase I wanted to shrink to the point where my chest would become small enough to be male passing. That was the main reason. I know I wouldn't pass as male bc of my voice but I just wanted some control over my stupid life.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I can't go on T in my house because i would be quickly caught, so I have to move out but moving out is hard. I just want to be a guy and I don't understand why it's a problem.

I wish that there was a way to make my grandparents understand that this dysphoria will kill me one way or another. But I think they've already made their mind, there's nothing I can say. I could try to cut my breasts off and they would just think I'm more mentally ill and send me to the ward.

I could kill myself and they wouldn't wonder why for a second, they would think "oh she was just mentally ill." They don't listen to me and don't want to. I think me killing myself would be a better ending for them than me being trans and thriving, although they'd never admit it.

They aren't even bad people, they have a lot of flaws and this is one of them. A really, really bad flaw, but they really think being trans is evil.

Just ruminating here I guess

Diary Entry #16

Cw family stuff and substance abuse

Just listened to Like Him by Tyler the Creator and Lola Young and HOLY SHIT, OOF OUCH MY GODDAMN FEELINGS. I have a bio dad who I have a love-hate relationship with, I don't think I've ever really explained it here so I'm gonna try.

My bio dad has substance abuse issues; any drug you can name, he's done. He's a liar and a thief, a bastard, really. But I can talk with him about videogames and just forget everything. He might die soon because he's not seeking professional help. I've kind of hardened my heart to him, but I forgot about everything I have against him and enjoy a conversation with someone who has similar interests.

I wish he didn't have that problem. We would've been best friends. He's also really into conspiracy theories and shit and also thinks trans people are evil (but not gay people since he has a gay friend.) So that would've gotten in the way if we were close, but we could've worked through it hopefully.

I hate him for how he and my bio mom neglected me as a child, but I can't stand to hate him after seeing him as a real person. It's like how much I say I hate my grandparents, but they're people too. I want them to do something awful, so I can "deserve" to hate them. I may get my "wish" in the future, it just depends how me moving out and transitioning goes.

The last part of "Like Him" is relatable as fuck, it makes me sad to listen to it even though it's a great song.

I don't know, I guess that's it.

Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

Diary entry #15

Feeling a little bit better. I've been reading a lot recently, the pvz comics and also "american teenager" which is a book about trans kids' perspectives! It's really good so far!

My brain is whirring with different fanfic ideas.

I ordered a crazy dave figure and sunflower plushie and I'm so excited!! I wish they shipped soon but whatever i guess lol

This is the first line of official pvz merch in forever. I wish they made an Edgar Zomboss figure or plushie or whatever but I'll take what I can get haha!

I know I'm just distracting myself from the horrible reality ahead but it's nice to be distracted sometimes

I think I'm at like peak hyperfixation when it comes to plants vs zombies; idk how much longer it's going to last but judging on my other hyperfixations it might be a year or more before it fully fades.

[ID: a screenshot of a Youtooz pre-order with a Crazy Dave figure and Sunflower plush /END ID]

Diary entry #14

Cw family issues and slight sui themes

The wait to move out is killing me. I just want to live on my own already but I'm autistic and sometimes I screw over myself on accident. I've been binge eating a lot and it's distressing me.

I just want to start my life already. Sometimes I think of telling my grandparents I need to transition now or it's going to kill me, but I'm sure they won't believe me until it's too late.

They think my identity, my very being, is a joke. I hope it's funny. I hope they enjoy the fact that my life hangs in the balance, hope they get some sort of sick thrill out of it. I'm so enraged at them and yet I can't raise my voice at them. I just write posts on the internet, stuff I'm too cowardly to say to them irl.

They think I'm stupid, or at least too stupid to understand that I'm "being lied to" with "transgender ideology".

The internet and fox news has radicalized them into believing in the stupidest shit. They don't listen to me, and I don't think they ever will. Being autistic probably doesn't help me in this aspect.

I just want them to just come out and say more horrible stuff so I can hate them fully. I can't bring myself to not be a rug and not let them walk all over me. I sabotage myself so others, especially my family, can get ahead.

I don't know, I'm mostly just yelling into the void.

celebrating my 5 year top surgery anniversary today, so I wanted to draw something that reflects the bliss of feeling your chest for the first time. happy pride 🏳️‍⚧️⚧️💙🩷🤍

Daily reminder that when you demonize trans men who fit the cavetown, fluffy-hair, skinny boy, alt stereotype, its still trans erasure. Good intentions or not, when you try to make another group of trans people irrelevant and invisible, it's still hurting the community.

Stop going after your own community, trans people AS A WHOLE get enough shit from cis people we don't need trans people going after other trans people. We're on the same side here remember that.

help a disabled nonbinary teen find safety in the us https://gofund.me/ae5d7122

IM STILL HERE 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️