Diary Entry #15

If they talk about Trump in a positive light one more goddamn time I am going to kill myself :) /hj

They still think that I'm on the Trump Train (what my grandpa calls it,,, *vomits*)

[ID: a crudely drawn person giving a thumbs up while crying. The caption says "Me trying not to scream but instead half-heartedly agree when my grandparents say shitty things /END ID]

[Start ID: A picture of a grey hamster on a blue couch. Top text says “I can’t fucking take it”, bottom text says “seriously I’m at my limit. /End ID]

Tw- transphobia

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Today fucking sucked

Misgendered constantly, had to deal with my annoying bible thumping counselor being queerphobic, and I had to admit I wasn’t straight at my appointment (they ask for your sexuality for some fucking reason, I lied at first but my grandma said “be honest” so I told them the truth after that.)

Could someone please use my name (August) in a sentence with my pronouns (he/him/it) I’m not feeling too great rn.

Daily reminder that when you demonize trans men who fit the cavetown, fluffy-hair, skinny boy, alt stereotype, its still trans erasure. Good intentions or not, when you try to make another group of trans people irrelevant and invisible, it's still hurting the community.

Stop going after your own community, trans people AS A WHOLE get enough shit from cis people we don't need trans people going after other trans people. We're on the same side here remember that.

There will not be much of my own art on this blog unless it specifically relates to my transition journey. Which is what this one is. It is my current daily mantra and what I tell myself every day on the calendar I cross off as each sleep brings me closer to meeting the folks that will give me some of these scars. Which is why I put in multiple examples in different colors. Because I will die scarred, not scared.

Diary Entry #25 (one mostly about something not trans-related... yay?)

I was stimming so much at work today. Or maybe ticcing or whatever bc I couldn't stop. It exhausted me more than actually working my shift. I wasn't feeling any particular way, I just got a bad stim/tic day just for some random reason ig.

My main tics/stims rn are sighing really deep, cracking my elbows, and inhaling hard with my nose. It probably looks really weird but I can't really help it. I guess that'd be more of a tic than a stim? I don't know if you can have tics without tourette's, i think I read that somewhere but like. i'm not sure.

I worry that I'll freak people out more whenever I pass as male or even as a trans male. I think it's worth the price of being seen as myself, it's just a minor concern i have. I'm really talkative and I worry about freaking out women. I don't act like a creep obviously, but I do appear autistic to most people and I am aware that people can be uncomfortable with me, even though I look like a girl.

If anyone with tics/stims can help me out here that'd be appreciated. I don't really know the difference.

“You shouldn’t self-ID as ADHD/autistic, you’re turning a very real mental condition into a trend” Ok then stop saying delulu. Stop speculating on which cluster C personality disorder the criminals you hear about on the news have. Stop saying “schizoposting” and “acoustic” and “is it restarted?” Stop using “psycopath” and “sociopath” as catch-all ways of calling someone a bad person. Stop saying “the intrusive thoughts won” when you bleach your hair and then turn your nose up at people who suffer from very real, very scary urges of physical/sexual violence. Stop saying “I’m so OCD” as a way of calling yourself neat. Stop treating BPD/ASPD/Bipolar as inherently abusive. Stop saying “OP I am living in your walls” without tagging for unreality. Stop diagnosing complete strangers you’ve never met on r/AITA with NPD.

You first. If you don’t want our disabilities to be treated like trends then stop belittling and minimising them. I’ll NEVER judge a person for trying find labels for their symptoms when an apathetic, racist, sexist, ableist healthcare system refuses to. But I will absolutely judge a hypocrite. Which a lot of you are

Stellaluna by Janell Cannon

what this and the queen predictions have taught me is that the internet is kinda like infinite monkeys on typewriters; I suppose sometimes one person or more at some time before an event by chance typed a prophecy of sorts.

That was clunky but I hope i got my point across

TYSM!!

A dumb idea that I had while at work that is now real thanks to me drawing it: the alphabet mafia!! I think the term alphabet mafia is way too funny for conservatives to use, I kind of like it even if it's supposed to be bad lol

I tried to be creative with the designs but they kinda suck, also fun fact the bisexual person is nonbinary because I wanted to include a nonbinary person as well :)

[ID: a digital drawing with a rainbow pride flag background of the alphabet mafia, a group of queer people who have weapons and color schemes associated with their pride flags /END ID]