Tw- Transphobia

Diary entry #17

Vent I guess

Ed warning and dysphoria and sh

I wish I could be normal about my weight. I'm overweight. If I looked like a guy then I think I could forgive it but I don't and know my curves are more visible everyday and I want to die!! /hj on that last part

The universe is cruel in the way that I can't lose weight unless I eat like triple digits (calorie wise) every day because I binge so fucking much. So I don't fit in normal or even ed communities online because I'm like that.

Nothing I have ever done has ever fixed my binging problem. I think it's a medicine side effect thing but my grandparents don't want me to change them. I don't know why.

When I was in my active ed phase I wanted to shrink to the point where my chest would become small enough to be male passing. That was the main reason. I know I wouldn't pass as male bc of my voice but I just wanted some control over my stupid life.

I feel like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere. I can't go on T in my house because i would be quickly caught, so I have to move out but moving out is hard. I just want to be a guy and I don't understand why it's a problem.

I wish that there was a way to make my grandparents understand that this dysphoria will kill me one way or another. But I think they've already made their mind, there's nothing I can say. I could try to cut my breasts off and they would just think I'm more mentally ill and send me to the ward.

I could kill myself and they wouldn't wonder why for a second, they would think "oh she was just mentally ill." They don't listen to me and don't want to. I think me killing myself would be a better ending for them than me being trans and thriving, although they'd never admit it.

They aren't even bad people, they have a lot of flaws and this is one of them. A really, really bad flaw, but they really think being trans is evil.

Just ruminating here I guess

Meow

otherwise interesting post ruined by the bold insistence that you can never accidentally abuse someone & that all abusive people are self-aware evil masterminds

Apparently you're supposed to have a pinned post so here's mine!

Hi there I'm August. I'm 19 years old, I go by he/him/it, and I am a pansexual trans man.

I'm Autistic and I have ADHD among like a million other things.

My favorite artists are MSI/Mindless Self Indulgence (don't support them), AXIE, Kikuo, The Living Tombstone, Femtanyl, Maretu, Odetari, Will Wood, Lemon Demon, and a bunch of others!!

My hyperfixation fandoms currently are PvZ (Plants vs Zombies), Pizza Tower, FNAF, Gravity Falls, Baldi's Basics, Mario, UTAU/Vocaloid, and more!

My hyperfixations that aren't fandom related change a lot but often are researching trans science, video game glitches especially gen 1 pokemon, zombies in general, animation memes, Prisoner's rights, and cats. Like I said they change a lot and I'll probably talk about and/or reblog stuff I find interesting!

I support Palestine, trans rights, human rights in general, and I try to be as nice as possible.

Use tone tags!

My diary entries are marked #august's diary

Please interact! - if you're interested in anything I'm hyperfixated on, if you're trans and/or nonbinary (I need similar friends lol), if you wanna chat at all I'm free!

DNI- TERFs (duh), Proshippers, any -ist or -phobic, Zionists, basically if my posts piss you off for whatever reason don't interact, that's probably about it.

Thinking about buying myself a binder… but how would I hide the purchase? Idk it makes me anxious. Still living with my grandparents.

What the fuck is wrong with people. Personally I believe this is how those transmed trans guys are made; by excluding them because they are men. Not excusing them, I'm just saying this is how they are formed.

Sometimes I worry about going down that path, but I have a firm belief in "do whatever you want forever." I am staunchly anti transmed; it just excludes people and is kinda dumb in ways I don't have time to get into.

I hope to pass as a man, I just want to be some guy basically. I plan on getting top and bottom surgery, and going on T probably for the rest of my life. But I refuse to become either a transmed or a person who excludes trans men who pass really well.

Sorry this was really a ramble, hope I made sense. OP i hope you're doing alright today.

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

Rule

Diary entry #1 :)

I had a dream where I went through the timeline of my voice on T. Not on T yet, the dream made me so happy and I was so goddamn sad when I woke up. Also it had something to do with furbies, that's all I remember.

Sometimes I watch Jamie's (Jammidodger's) vid on his transition timeline and it makes me want to weep. I've basically had almost 4 years of my life stolen from me bc my grandparents are very unsupportive and I'm nearly to the finish line (getting T and getting my apartment) but it feels like I keep tripping on the track. I could've been nearly 4 years on T if my grandparents just fucking listened to me when I started questioning. Instead of thinking I'm a stupid "girl" who can't think for "herself".

But on a brighter note I'm learning how to drive and also have a job now. Like I said, close to the finish line. I kept on dissociating or something at my job, like my body is technically there vacuuming but I'm somewhere else entirely. Just feels like I'm wearing a suit that doesn't fit how I actually look, and my brain is really, really freaked out by it.

I live in -misery- (missouri) and i dont think I can ever move so that’s fun. Illinois is so fucking close but I can’t move there!! Help me!!

For my Americans out there, here is a map with the safest states for trans folk. These are the states that have the most laws in place to specifically protect trans people.

Maryland is currently the safest, here is an article about it.

t.co

Maryland Governor Declares Maryland A Trans Sanctuary State

Maryland is the 12th state to enact policies that refuse compliance with out of state laws that target transgender people. Governor Wes Moor

[ID: A banner on the Health Disparities Among LGBQ Youth government website saying "Any information on this page promoting gender ideology is extremely inaccurate and disconnected from the immutable biological reality that there are two sexes, male and female. The Trump Administration rejects gender ideology and condemns the harms it causes to children, by promoting their chemical and surgical mutilation, and to women, by depriving them of their dignity, safety, well-being, and opportunities. This page does not reflect biological reality and therefore the Administration and this Department reject it." /END ID]

Hey tumblr.

As you may have heard the words trans and queer were completely erased from the fucking STONEWALL national Parks page on the US Government site. Yes, Stonewall, as in the one at the beginning of the LGBTQIA+ movement, in which many people whom are trans or would have been considered under the trans umbrella today were a HUGE part of of the beginning of the movement for. The one in which many of the people involved in use the word queer to describe themselves were involved. YEAH. THAT ONE.

So not to sugar coat it this is the most 1984 shit I’ve ever seen.

(Added highlights to some instances, but the whole page is like this)

However there is one small thing we can do.

This is the contact form at the bottom of the page. You’ll notice it says it’s an official government form and you can state if something was helpful.

Listen I know this isn’t the sexiest or most helpful form of direct action but there is SOMETHING we can do, which is being really fucking annoying to them.

Much like we’ve been doing with Google and Apple Maps, we can use this form to state that this is fundamentally unhelpful, erasing a part of history, and to fucking put the T and Q back (also the IA+, but vitally those two given how obviously they were slashed from the text).

If nothing else we just fucking review bomb the shit out of this. Will it change anything? No, to be honest, but it will make their days a little harder snd while it might not bring direct change, being annoying WORKS. We already have democratic *and republican* senators who are now trying to do something about Musk now that they’ve gotten so many calls from us, and speaking on the fact they’ve gotten so many calls. We need to keep that energy. So fill out the survey, call your senators, and being fucking loud. At least have our dissent on the official record.

The owner and operator of the Stonewall Inn which is connected to national monument, has been loud about how heinous this is, and has been organizing protests in NYC. If you’re local to that area I’d recommend heading out that way https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2025/02/14/us/stonewall-monument-protest-nyc

CNN

Stonewall Monument: Community rallies in New York after ‘trans’ and ‘queer’ removed from website | CNN

After the words “transgender” and “queer” were removed from the National Park Service’s website for the Stonewall National Monument, a landm