Tw Disordered Thoughts - Blog Posts

⭐️ving motivation!

Why let a moment of comfort get in the way of your dream,Remeber why you’re doing this.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

I know you crave perfection,

and it’s not built through comfort and giving in its built through pain,hunger,and sacrifice!

4-27-25 log

Fasted:18 hrs

Cals consumed:1,389

Cals burnt:936

NET:453 cals!

Watching black swan while starving,I feel so etheral like an angel

Starting this diet tdy,wish me luck🕯️

I ate 2,100 cals tdy,I’m honestly so pathetic,the biggest wannarexic out ther atp

To make up for it I’m going to try and fast for 3 days I’m so tired of messing up I could of been at my gw by now

The less your eat,

The more you become.

Just burnt 1,018 cals I was planning to eat a small meal after but I don’t even have the desire to eat anymore cus why ruin my hard work I spent a whole 1 hour and 26 mins on the Elliptical

Breh so I was supposed to lock in tdy but I only fasted 15 hrs cus my dad gave me food and stayed untill I took a bite 🙄 then I had some fruit pretty low cal but then my friend made me have some of her milkshake and fries I mean I didn’t binge but still ig I’ll fully lock in tmr

Some 4na rules to keep me in check!

No eating after 8 pm

Fast a minimum of 16-20 hours daily

One snack per day(if I have one)

Keep meals under 400 cals

Have a daily intake no higher than 800 cals

Workout a minimum of 4x a week

Prioritize fiber and protein

Try to walk 10,000 steps a day

Prioritize healthy foods

If you have a high cal big meal take only 5 bites

Drink water before and after you eat and between every bite

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The person you want to become is not built through comfort,she’s built through pain through hunger through sacrifice you have to ask yourself how bad you want how bad do you want you dream body you’ve craved forever let you crave that more than food,do it for the bikini body,for the envious stares,do it for the sculpted face,for the light and dainty body,for the thigh gap,the flat stomach with light abs,every outfit looking sublime,do it for the thigh gap,for the model body,and most importantly to respect the person you see in the mirror and be satisfied with yourself to reach your full potential and be proud! It will pay off.

Choose progress over comfort and you shall be rewarded

Convincing myself I'm not fasting so I don't binge. I don't feel hungry. Therefore I am not hungry. I won't ruin this.

Also took 2000 steps today

"Why are you starving yourself?"

God forbid I put myself first and try to better myself.🙄

I want to look malnourished 

look who's fallen, but swears is back again

just dropped 1,7kg in a day and I've got no idea what I did. LET'S GOOOOOO

~Wieiad~

10•21•24

Breakfast:

• ?g cashews - ~175c

Total: ~175

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~My friend got trail mix this evening and we had been hanging out all day so I took some cashews to not raise suspicion but I really wish I wouldn’t have T . T Ik it wasn’t 200c so I’m not too upset about it ig but my fast is ruined now :C

I wasn’t planning on fasting tomorrow but I might now..tbd..

~Tw 3d Question~

How effective is purging when you make yourself vomit? And what should I do for after care?

~Fast~

42.5 hours in and I just got sick * . * I feel a lot better now so I’m not breaking my fast quite yet, but I’m doubting I’ll complete all 93h.. I set it as that many hrs because it’s the most ideal fast I’d like to do, but I haven’t done a fast longer than 3 days in wayyy too long, and sadly I’m struggling a bit physically.. not even 48hrs in T . T but at the VERY least I’ll make it to the 48h mark, anything less is pathetic and I’ll be even more of a disappointment.(I would never talk to anyone else like that btw, only to myself lol)

~Wieiad~

9•29•24

Breakfast:

2 Iron gummies - 10c

2 Zinc gummies - 20c

2 Vitamin D gummies - 15c

2 Vitamin 3 gummies - 20c

2 Biotin gummies - 10c

2 Omega-3 gummies - 25c

T: 100c

Lunch:

125g Chicken breasts - 134c

43g Sweet potato hash brown - 65c

T: 199c

Dinner:

85g Oikos TZ Vanilla Greek yogurt - 50c

8g Highkey choc mini cookies - 37c

8g Highkey double choc brownie mini cookies - 40c

3 Highkey sandwich cookies - 70c (I forgot to weigh them T . T)

T: 197c

Total: 500

Water Intake: 51 FLOZ

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~Macros~

Carbs - 63g

Protein - 40g

Fat - 18g

Fiber - 13g

Sodium - 1,008mg

Calcium - 143mg

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I lightly seasoned the chicken and put pepper on the hash brown, and I weighed the seasoning but my scale stayed at 0 so I can’t track it as easily. I’m just gonna add it as a few calories and consider my total intake to be 500…Not too bad of a day tho. Sodium is high but there’s days when it’s really low so I’m not too concerned; I drank a couple diet cokes and that’s what pushed it so high.

~ Vent ~

Something I keep thinking about is that my childhood friend told me ~4 months ago that she couldn’t imagine me skinny after she saw how different the pantry was at my parents house. Which is valid for her life experience with me, and great motivation, but wtf…. I’m kind of scared to meet up with her again after I lose more weight. I don’t want her to say anything else about my body.. and she’s one of the luckiest people on earth because she grew up SKINNY, and literally just because of genetics. Her whole family is thin.. lucky mfs lol -but we used to hang out frequently and we’d both eat a lot growing up, and she still does. The last time I hung out with her, she got a honey bun from a convenience store after she ate a sausage the length of a paper plate, and a slice of chocolate cake like 30mins-1 hour before… It’s possible she has some mental stuff going on as well because of struggling to gain weight, but to make such a comment about another person isn’t very mindful. My brain is kind of taking it as “I can’t imagine you being a healthy weight”. - not that I wanna be lol - but sis basically said that without actually saying it.. She knows I grew up FAT AF, a damn boulder, so I’m just struggling to understand how she could say that. In most cases, a persons health is the most important thing, and what she said really makes me feels like she wants me to stay big subconsciously. But, she picked the word skinny and not healthy, so maybe I’m just thinking too much into it lol.. Either way though, it’s still motivating me to do better so ultimately it doesn’t matter, but it does make me anxious about my relationship with her; and the pantry is so different now too compared to what it was the last time she saw it. So actually, I am very scared of her coming over lol.. and I don’t like that I feel that way, I love her a lot. I’m just not as comfortable around her now :c

~Breakfast~

9•27•24

•Details•

111g Carrot Slices - 46c

84g Celery Slices - 12c

19g Small Tomatoes - 6c

48g Red Grapes - 33c

80g Plum - 37c

Total: 143c

•Macros•

Carbs - 32g

Protein - 3g

Fat - 0g

Fiber - 6g

Sodium - 146mg

Calcium - 81mg

I’m not really a tomato fan so I only ate 1 and half instead of 3… and the amount of protein is pathetic, but I’m nearly out of fresh fruits and veggies so soon I can focus more on macros. I’m not using my own hard earned money to buy groceries rn so the least I waste the better.

~Wieiad~

9•26•24

Breakfast: Blueberry protein bar - 180c

Lunch: N/A

Dinner: 191g Plums - 88c

109g Kiwi with skin - 66c

140g Red Delicious apple with skin - 83c

87g Oranges - 41c

~Macros~

Carbs: 92g

Protein: 15g

Fat: 7g

Fiber: 17g

Sodium: 331mg

Calcium: 141mg

Total cals: 458

Water intake: 68 fl oz

Not too bad ig…. Just glad it’s not above 500 lol

“it’s your choice” “you have options” “you know what to do” actually i am very much not well and giving me a ‘choice’ that has no outcome that makes everyone feel good is making me wanna kms!!!

being iced tf out by people who ‘care’ and ‘love me’ and ‘understand me’ even though they don’t care to see that i’m literally at the lowest point of my life!!!

fake ass mfs made a whole separate gc to chat shit about me when i’m currently sitting in my bathroom wondering how many cvts i deserve today

i gave you one end of the string, now all you have to do is hold on and slowly let it unravel.

please, listen to the silent words and watch my eyes.

my life depends on you, love.

all these expectations. fuck you and fuck everyone else.

do what i want!!

no do what i want!!

nah bro what about what i fucking want. i can’t deal with this anymore. every outcome just ends up with me wanting to slice my wrists open, hang myself from the ceiling, jump from a bridge and EVEN THEN none of you would care.

“we didn’t even notice” man stfu i’m clearly losing my fucking mind and HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.

lord just let this end, please. i’m begging with everything i have. please.

i’m such an unlovable piece of shit but god please just let me feel loved just one last time before the silence

will you notice my fat rolls if i split my wrists open and bleed out in the bathtub???