Thoughts - Blog Posts
Great Queer Provocation
Queer, recognition-based envy is a pendulum swinging between one’s own wish to unfold freely as an individual, and the overwhelming greed/need to be valued for conforming.
I can feel this quote.
The desire to be completely normal remains unfulfillable in queer existence, and yet it’s a concept that some want to chase after forever—or feel they have to.
The chapter refers to the individual striving to be normal as in conforming to current societal norms, i.e. cis-hetero-allo-normativity. It's an individual urge/need as opposed to being different and striving for a collective normalization of queerness.
The model of a queer, recognition-based envy is the theoretical attempt to explain why certain queer individuals refuse an apparently logical queer solidarity.
Think of those queers who ostracize other queers in an attempt to conform to the society as it is today, instead of striving for normalization for all queers. That's what this chapter is trying to explain.
Recognizing queer others means reducing one’s own capacity to conform to the norm, and reduces the appreciation shown for the subjugation presented.
Goessl, M. J. (2024). Great Queer Provocation: The Seriously Playful Recognition Game. transcript Verlag. https://www.transcript-publishing.com/978-3-8376-7385-2/great-queer-provocation/
Me: *casually scrolling through my tags*
*suddenly some girls ass*
Me: what
But seriously the sex bots are out of control
Sometimes, for me, living is tryna fish my soul out of whatever dark wormhole of my overthinking brain it disappeared into.
A lotta people tell me that they're sorry and that it's unfair and not right. It's a nice thing to say and I do appreciate it. Of course I do.
But sometimes I'm bitter and empty enough to think well what the fuck am I gonna do with that. That it's unfair changes nothing. It just is.
Ok, this is a bit more personal question for cosplayers and other content creators. I wasn’t thinking of cosplaying (‘cause I don’t have the budget for that) but was thinking of doodling character skits.
This is mostly skits of the COD fandom, but I’ve seen other content creators facing issues with its toxicity. I know toxicity isn’t new thing, but this is the first time I was considering getting more involved with a fandom. Usually I’d sit on the side and watch whatever unfolds.
Thoughts and also input from experience?
Tags don't concern me-nope!nvm, they do...
Am I the only one who doesn't read the tags for fics? like-it's giving myself a spoiler and I don't want it tbh.
like, i'll read the trigger warnings but I don't want to know who gets with who or who dies or sum. let it be a surprise(I want to suffer basically :3)
Until it comes back to bite me in the ass and I'm just kinda staring at my screen as I see the one ship I didn't want to become a thing, or for one of the sweetest characters to get whumped :p
but I'll never stop, cause I don't want to get spoiled, it shall be like that till the day I die(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ
I hope someday someone cares enough to look at my art and ask abt it's meaning
united state of electronica is such a banger band, but it's underrated, plz they need more love, they haven't been active 4 awhile :[
sometimes, using a account ive been inactive for a while such as this or my scratch account feels like im gasping for fresh air again after being buried alive for a long time.
where I've been lately....
ik I'm late but I just watched sonic 3 and the ending made me realise that I might never see these 2 together in a live-action 😔
Somebody give me my rogue, my icon 🗣, my shayla😭
she always serves so hard ₊˚⊹♡ (I need her wardrobe)
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
☆.𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊.☆
What I'd give to be a creature of the forest and the ocean....
Rainfall, moonlight, deep down is a heartbeat, lookin' at the sky and thinking of you,
dying in my mind... im fallin' through ...Skywaves on the nightsky, tear drop with a light spark,
can you see my liiiiiiight in this niiiiiiight, yeah
youre the one ...i know girl iiiii know everyone is dying young,
i just want to see the riiiiiising suun lie'n on the grouuund
A Pretense
“The normalcy of life burning a hole in my curious soul
Where it should have been nurtured, my creativity
Is rotting in the stillness of mundane
Is it educated out of me?
Steered away from interests because they say
“You would never get a job doing that!”
Or has my imagination drowned?
Imagination, a gift as potent as birth
Where it should have sailed into my adulthood
Has been stumped prematurely
Has life become a soothe stream, with occasional waves?
Where it should be a whirlpool of experiences
Claps of thunder breaking the monotony
Mute now defines it
Am I living? Is there liveliness?
Its presence I have never felt
But its absence is apparent
Have we all donned masks?
And dissolved in the masses
Lost our individuality
Is this all a pretense?”
This is one of my earlier works.
I like the doll, but not the outfit. It looks ridiculous. Especially in comparison with concept art, the outfit in it looks really like what a pop star would wear. The problem with the final version, as for me, is in the shade of pink, boots and sleeves. Pink is too bright and there is too much of it on accessories, silver boots would look better, and sleeves... They just look ridiculous, okay? And so, this is a normal doll. Waiting for even more new Catty.
Idea about the new halo game
The photo of chief does not really look like a dudes leg
It looks more like a girls I know it isn’t much but could it be a new female Spartan it could also be Cortana in spartan armor not Likely but any thing could happen. The face that the also don’t show the number of that spartan but show chief at the end number and all makes me think that it could just be a female lead protagonist spartan.
Any thoughts or criticism welcome
twenty-eight laps around the sun later,
mercurially aligned,
I am
refusing to fall
apart this time—
at least,
not as if I haven’t walked this path before.
I know
I know
I can survive this one.
I can breathe
through
it— it’s
less than 12 months
from the day
you asked me to marry you
and it hurts so bad I can’t breathe
but I
am not going
to give up
or to kill myself over this
bullshit.
not your bullshit,
not again.
🪐 larry + he/they + 17 🪐
interests:
spn + saw + mcr + the cure + planets and other celestial beings + haunted houses
I edited "A Star Reborn" like 10 times at the least, I edited until I physically couldn't look at it anymore and couldn't find a single error. I sorted through those words like my life depended on it. Now that's dedication.
Was it worth it? Well... to me, yes... sort of?
+ the sillies
Bols has grown on me. The hilarity of his unyielding pursuit of profit is endless, and he's not really... evil, at all, he's just grey. And we get some indication that he does do good things sometimes. He's like Sinbad if Sinbad never met Merlin, you know? I like him.
If Sinbad has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Sinbad has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Sinbad has only one fan then that is me. If Sinbad has no fans, then that means I am dead. If the world is against Sinbad, then I am against the world.
“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”
— Unknown
Yes! It's not that easy.
Sometimes, it's really hard for me to express myself into words. Maybe, that's because I need to know myself more and more. But it is becoming easier with you now. You might be thinking there are so many things inside my head and I bring out only a bit of it. I don't know if I have the strength to hold onto myself but, I know one thing, I am able to hold onto you as tightly as possible because I don't want to let you go. You can call me selfish and yes I am, because it's you. When I do anything wrong to you, I really feel that guilt, that ache of not being able to apologize whereas my heart actually wants to, very badly. It isn’t right ! But I always believe in showing my flaws to you because I know it's only you who will value them wholeheartedly. I do several bad things out of anger, take wrong decisions but I realize it too with utter grievances towards myself. I start hating myself for not being able to apologize to you for every mistake. I am afraid I will lose you. At times, I don't want you to be anybody else's company except mine knowing that is selfish enough. I am sorry. You have that freedom. When I feel dull and sad not talking to you, I want you to feel the same too. I hope you understand. I don't force you to do anything because it will become a habit. I will constantly force you to do things and in the process I may lose the grip. But I want to have all the rights on you.
That night when you said I must show my right on you, I was so happy, indeed happy to see you are holding me with your all. I want to take care of you. I am a messy person but I would still keep you organized, learn and cook your favorite dish with all my love. I want to stay awake lying beside you when you are sick and caressing you to sleep would be my utmost priority. I take bad decisions to keep us aloof, to keep us safe and not to hurt us. Forgive me for that. I want to dress up according to your choices of attire, to read your kind of books and embrace the new changes in me, to sing your favorite songs, to travel to your favorite places. I want to talk to you about the silly white lies being told to make things work good. These things would make me happier. I guess this is an in-built part of me which I could never express.
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞
I want to be on my own travel the world flirt with every guy who gives me an irresistible smile
I want to be with you talking all night long fill my empty nights with your love
I want to be on my own work on myself do whatever the fuck I want when I want
I want to be with you writing endless love letters dancing in the snow until you throw me on the bed
I want to be free I want to be the woman you love
I want to love myself I want to love you
I want all of my thoughts to disappear.
_____________________________
i read so much stuff for uni today,, for my philosophy classes - my mind is so confused and yet so clear; it is truly beautiful to gain knowledge
in fact i believe that the source for unhappiness and confusion is only having superficial knowledge while u believe u found the answers to ur questions-
what is your etiquette coquette?
how can impress you?
do u like the sound of my voice when i talk after i laughed?
do u like my lipstick? - it was quite expensive?
do u like my taste of music? - i think its quite special
if u even knew how obsessed i am with the idea to impress u.
etiquette coquette..
what is this?
is it a lifestyle or a prison?
do i express myself or have i locked myself in?
i feel the windbreeze,, the only indication that i aint in a prison, i have the option to be free-
i want to live for myself
even the color of the sky influences the mood -
lisa told me that its not possible to live in a world with no influence at all -
i knew she was right the second she finished her sentence
the mood took me to this conflict of mine & today i know i shouldnt be surprised about peoples power - people talk & influence other people that will also influence other people etc etc etc
why did this confuse me back then?
when even the sound of the wind makes us feel things?
why did it confuse me when even the sound of the rain is heard?
it confused me although the white skies could change my whole mood-
today i know how i act in this world influences others
i say things and they get repeated
i have silent admirers because admirers are always silent
just like i am when i admire someone
the question that remains is whether it is lack of courage, shyness, jealousy or pride that makes us stay silent
lack of courage often is rewritten as pride - just to make it easier for the ego to understand