Twenty-eight Laps Around The Sun Later,

getting shot in the head probably feels soooo good for like a second

body sculptures by GarlicSunshine (2)

growing up autistic / growing up gaslit

I.

this is the first lesson you learn: you are always wrong.

there is no electric hum buzzing through the air. there is no stinging bite to the sweetness of the mango. there is no bitter metallic tang to the water.

there is no cruelty in their laughter, no ambiguity in the instructions, no reason to be upset. there is no bitter aftertaste to your sweet tea, nothing scratchy about your blanket.

the lamps glow steadily. they do not falter.

II.

this is the second lesson you learn: you are never right.

you are childish, gullible, overly prone to tears. you are pedantic, combative, deliberately obtuse. you are lazy, unreliable, never on time.

you’re always making up excuses, rudely interrupting, stepping on people’s shoes. you’re always trying to get attention, never thinking about anyone else, selfish through and through.

it’s you that’s the problem. the lamps are fine.

III.

this is the third lesson you learn: you must always give in.

mother knows best. father knows best. doctor knows best. teacher knows best. this is the proper path. do not go astray.

listen to your elders, respect your betters, accept what’s given to you as your due. bow to the wisdom of experience, the education of the professional, the clarity of an external point of view.

what do you know about lamps, anyway?

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

You ever hear that old chestnut about how most people neglect the part of the story of Icarus where he also had to avoid flying too low, lest the spray of the sea soak his feathers and cause him to fall and drown? You ever think about how different the world would be if Icarus died that way instead? If the idiom was to Fly To Close To The Sea? A warning against playing it far too safe, about not stretching your wings and soaring properly? You ever think about how Icarus died because he was happy?

they should invent something transformative and rewarding that happens inside my comfort zone

- A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers // kagonekoshiro

me [coming to terms with a truth about myself]: hm..................................................... unfortunate

We are in a very mentally unwell period of history, so PLEASE schedule in time to make art and music, bake and cook, read and write, take walks, and things that take prolonged mental and physical effort. We must stay connected to our humanity and the activities that we enjoy that also help our mind and body. Please take breaks from dissociating to your screens.

lowkey things are shaping up to be pretty odd