Relationships - Blog Posts
Sorry about the clothes on my back being in the way when you stabbed me
“Even in my dreams, I run to you”
LOVE, DEAR ABBY
I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.
I want a relationship where they don’t just scratch my back, but massage and draw on it softly giving me tingles as I fall asleep.
Closing the chapter with someone doesn’t make you cruel; it simply means they aren’t a part of the next one.
“can we go back to normal?”
considering my normal has been fainting in the shower, not being able to breathe, a heart rate of 190, social avoidance, and feelings of hopelessness,
no. no, we can not go ‘back to normal’.
i was a lover, you were a lesson.
“i dream for the day you give me your heart, because i will hold it closer than i hold my own.”
- abby
i was only a sentence in the book of your life.
but you were the main character in mine.
- abby
Dates n Pretty plates
i can’t tell is this person is flirting with me or not
actually i can’t tell if two people are flirting with or just being nice
one girl compliments me everyday like yesterday she said i looked like a sunset and if i’m walking slightly behind she’ll turn and wait for me but idk if she’s just being nice ?
and the other person really compliments me when we’re messaging and they’re really nice and message me saying hi or just a picture of them everyday and idk if that’s flirting or just friendship
pls help
Dating with purpose?
When you are young and pretty, there are things like "Seeking Arrangements" and more than a few other options online and off to get whatever it is you're after. But, what about when you're older, not so pretty, and no longer trying to pay for school? Are there rich folks out there, looking for old, chonky, and broke... but funny, curious, and not "dead" yet? Are there also dating? sites for that sort of connection? Seems to me everyone wants a pretty face or some sort of impressive resume but what about the folks still trying to find happy, without the good looks, or impressive "goals"? Are they stuck dealing with whatever they can find at the local bingo hall?
hahahaha Random curious thoughts.... heh.
You know, I don’t feel sorry for those people that get their marriage proposals rejected in public. Obviously, they didn’t discuss anything with their partners before that, so it’s their fault really. Who makes that kind of decision like that? It’s not like marriage is serious, am I right? Nooo, let me just propose to this girl in a football field during the finals, because why wouldn’t she be ecstatic??? I’m a catch, bro. This isn’t the 19th century. Talk to your partners, you idiots.
Wait, so you said that you can learn to trust others by building friendships, but how does one go about doing that? Wouldn't someone I don't know be creeped out or annoyed if I suddenly walked up and started talking to them?
Friendships are built of repeated low-stakes interactions and returned bids for attention with slowly increasing intimacy over time.
It takes a long time to make friends as an adult. People will probably think you're weird if you just walk up and start talking to them as though you are already their friend (people think it's weird when I do this, I try not to do this) but people won't think it's weird if you're someone they've seen a few times who says "hey" and then gradually has more conversations (consisting of more words) with them.
I cheat at forming adult friendships by joining groups where people meet regularly. If you're part of a radio club that meets once a week and you just join up to talk about radios, eventually those will be your radio friends.
If there's a hiking meetup near you and you go regularly, you will eventually have hiking friends.
Deeper friendships are formed with people from those kinds of groups when you do things with them outside of the context of the original interaction; if you go camping with your radio friend, that person is probably more friend than acquaintance. If you go to the movies with a hiking friend who likes the same horror movies as you do, that is deepening the friendship.
In, like 2011 Large Bastard decided he wanted more friends to do stuff with so he started a local radio meetup. These people started as strangers who shared an interest. Now they are people who give each other rides after surgery and help each other move and have started businesses together and have gone on many radio-based camping trips and have worked on each other's cars.
Finding a meetup or starting a meetup is genuinely the cheat-code for making friends.
This is also how making friendships at schools works - you're around a group of people very regularly and eventually you get to know them better and you start figuring out who you get along with and you start spending more time with those people.
If you want to do this in the most fast and dramatic way possible, join a band.
In 2020 I wrote something of a primer on how to turn low-stakes interactions with neighbors and acquaintances into more meaningful relationships; check the notes of this post over the next couple days, I'll dig up the link and share it in a reblog.
On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.
I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.
It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.
I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.
My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.
Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.
It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.
I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".
Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.
Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.
It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.
yeah having sex with someone is cool and all
but have you ever made your own legs shake ?
i think before you marry someone, you should sit down and go through the AITA subreddit with them and see what their take on those situations is
We shall die but not this night.
This night is us on a bed in a rose garden looking at the stars laughing at the odds that had thought we couldn't meet and love and laugh and last.
The mothers
only pray
to get
Lawyers
Doctors
Presidents
and
Engineers
then
the world
stares on,
finding it hard
to give us all our daily havocs,
for the rest
of our lives.
Some are whores
and
gigolos
so you
marry them at
your own
risk
that when you
find them
extramarital
you know that
this was it,
the destiny thing.
she was a puppy wrapped in wolf skin. And it took me ages to see— but when I did, I never let go.
my gentle hands, my tender hold, learning her softness beneath the wild.
The sexiest thing my wife can do is sit in bed and eat a block of cheese while playing Animal Crossing.