<- Prev - Blog Posts
This came to me in a dream, okay.
No text version under the cut
cracking jokes in the cold
Bijelo Dugme i Zeljko Bebek
god. janus sanders really is a character of all time, just in terms of concept. when you were a little kid, you did something wrong, and you got so scared of getting in trouble that another little guy was born inside you. and he loves you. and he wants you to stay safe. so he tells you to lie now, take care of yourself now, keep yourself safe. but all the other little guys inside you hate him. he's too mean, too selfish. the little guy that was born from your desire to do good and be good hates him the most, because you're a little catholic boy, and lying is bad. and you're a good boy. so everything inside you that isn't good has to be shut away.
he knows he's not wanted. he creates his own place to stay, a hidden corner where he can't hurt you. because all the others say that he'll end up hurting you, and he can see how scared you are of being a liar, so he lets himself be forgotten. hidden away. this is how he shows his love: by hiding himself, and every subsequent unwanted part that grows inside you, from you. if knowing about their existence is too difficult for you, then he'll hide them all. he loves you. you don't even know his name.
he watches you grow, still unaware of his existence. the others make their presence known, felt. you let them take the reigns, most of the time. he sneaks in his own little influence here and there; small, harmless lies, only when necessary, so you won't even notice. and in the meantime, he acts as a herder of sorts for all the other parts of yourself that you've subconsciously cast away. he keeps them in line. he sympathizes with them, yes, he knows what it's like to be unwanted. but letting you see them would hurt you, and he loves you. so he keeps them there, in the shadow, unknown and unseen, just like him.
one of them, one of his little dark, unwanted things, doesn't want to be hated anymore. he wants to make himself known. he wants a seat at the table. and, in an ultimate slap to the face for janus, he gets it. virgil gets everything that janus was denied from the start. acceptance. power. control. his effort is acknowledged, his necessity is embraced. he gets a seat at the table. he doesn't have to hide anymore. and janus can't help but resent him for that. maybe it's a good thing, then, that the hatred is mutual. not even his own cattle, the ones he kept safe, the ones he kept out of thomas' way, can stand his presence. fine. none of it matters. as long as you're safe, it was all worth it. he loves you. you still don't even know his name.
janus was always thomas' protector. even when none of it was ever seen or acknowledged.
i find his mixed motif really interesting too, because before we knew his name, we only knew him as deceit. the snake. the ancient serpent deceiver, the biblical snake of eden. but then we hear his name. janus. ianus bifrons, two-faced janus, god of beginnings, passage, transitions. i think that his name being revealed was very much the start of thomas beginning to see janus for who he actually is, instead of the heavily modified version of him that he's been seeing, courtesy of his catholic upbringing.
Ah yes, December 25th. My birthday. Not an important day for any other reason...
everytime jean looked at kevin and riko, he saw what he and nathaniel could’ve had if mary hadn’t run. not the part about being the best, he never cared about that. he just wanted a brother. he wanted someone to suffer with him like everyone else had. everyone else around him had a partner, why couldn’t he? it’s jean starting to resent kevin for having everything he never would and then leaving it all behind.
in a raven! neil au, it’s the opposite. it’s kevin looking at jean and neil and wishing that’s what HE had. a partner that defends him and helps him instead of being the one to hurt him (both physically and emotionally). to get to be a great player without being forced in front of cameras. someone who he’s actually close with instead of just calling him ‘brother’ for the sake of them being the Sons of Exy. he just wanted to be (what he thought was) normal. kevin would start to resent jean the same way jean resented him in canon.
NEEEEED a scene of jean kissing jeremy against the bike. like they go on a little scenic ride and stop at an overpass. and jean just presses jeremy up against the bike and kisses him with all that hunger we know he has
An AU where the twinyards don’t meet until even mater in life— as in after college where everything from Andrew’s end goes almost the same minus Aaron and Nicky being in his life. He still makes it Palmetto, still meets Kevin and Neil and goes pro. Aaron on the other hand becomes a nurse (I have my reasons for this) never goes to Palmetto, and they only meet because one injured Neil Josten ends up on his unit. Aaron is about at his wits end because Pro Exy player Neil Josten (whoever that is because Aaron doesn’t follow Exy), who is on a lot of pain meds, keeps calling him Andrew and Aaron is about 5 seconds away from making the on-call resident very upset by requesting another CT scan of Josten’s head because surely his brain is scrambled. There’s nothing more that Aaron wants than to go home and fall face first into bed which is of course when his charge nurse walks up to him with a sheepish look, nearly begging him to stay another 4 hours because his relief’s kid is apparently sick and she can’t come in until 11am, which makes Aaron want to die so naturally he agrees, which means another 4 hours of Neil Josten at the end of his shift hooray.
And so of course Neil Josten calls him “Andrew” once more while Aaron is checking his IV (note: it’s now visiting hours), and Aaron, exhausted and cranky and just had to dodge a bedpan being thrown at his head, feels his eye twitch violently as he politely (read: thru clenched teeth) reminds Pro Exy Player Neil Josten once again that he is not Andrew—
Which is when another voice pipes up from the doorway, fresh scent of coffee in the air that nearly has Aaron salivating, who says “correct, you are not Andrew. I am.”
And Aaron turns around to see his mirror image standing in the doorway.
love language of sharing cigarettes
lilith to garroth in 10 yrs: i'm so hungry i could eat laurance zvahl
every time someone draws fem Andrew and Neil an angel gains its wings and then gets given a thank you letter from god personally to pass on to the creators for doing gods work for them 🙏🏻
i will forever support this and their friendship will never move into the circle of acknowledging it
Neil and Aaron are best friends actually; they just don’t know it yet
sometimes i think about just how much bleach damage renee and neil have accumulated between them and ik that allison runs the girl's bathroom like the navy to try and fix their hair. i like to think they're both reluctant and annoying about it too like she's probably so tired of their asses.
working on smth rn hopefully i'll finish it by today
i will post smth here rn, watch
modern-day changeling tales
More bigender stamps inspired by this post
The stamps with the man/masc + butch bigender flag taken directly from the post
demigirl + artemian bigender stamp
nonbinary + woman/fem
nonbinary + man/masc
i remember hearing about the college app essays as a kid and how much time people spend on them and so starting in 7th grade, I would practice writing proper essays, like 10-15 pages EACH. I did this like all the way through highschool because I figured that was what I would be expected to be able to write, and then I first looked over the commonapp questions and they’re like, a couple hundred words on the vaguest prompt that has ever prompted. like, i understand there are administrative reasons, but I was so godamned shocked because everyone had called them essays, which to me meant a complete piece of writing??, and ig i just ran with that assumption as a kid? I feel like that’s pretty reasonable, is it normal that people struggle so much to write a few pages? Is this an American thing?
i’m all for headcanons and ships but whenever i see a post about remus being all alone after the prank, i keep thinking about platonic moonchaser. “who was there for remus after the prank” umm maybe his best friend james potter who became an illegal animagus for him, risked his own life and saved his worst enemy to make sure that remus didn’t become a murderer? maybe that’s who was there for him.
how much homological algebra can you do on 3 hours of sleep? in today's episode of "i regret everything" we're about to find out
thinking about putting a gay couple (my ocs) and trans girl into my mass-printed schoolwide newsletter cover gang 😈😈😈😈
i decided to put in the vids asw since some are a bit more niche
FLASH WARNING for unravel, VIOLENCE warning for BLOODMONEY
@confusions-shed-of-ideas, @onehundredgar + open :)
Challenging you all!
Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!
Then tag Tumblr friends to keep the game going!
thing i saw in a dream
absolutely no other fictional character will EVER top ronan lynch in yearning. in devotion. "a combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan's worship into one downtown block" oh. "his feelings for Adam were like an oil spill" oh!!! "it was a choice between death and hurting adam, and that wasn't much of a choice at all" OH. he was on a whole other level
popular ship with daily posts will kill the patient. he needs rarepair with 1 annual fan art to survive
Third one might be a little 🌼? Or maybe a ☀️ and 🪐 to be on brand with the 🌙 and ⭐️
