Jiraiblogging - Blog Posts

SOOOOOO

Today the POLICE called my mom... because of school and my absence..We have to go to the police station and explain everything or what?i want to kill my self um....BLABLABLABLEBLEBLEBLUBLUBLU

why the fuck do i still miss that person?

He made me hate myself..I cried every night because of him, I started hurting myself because of him, I wanted to di3 so much but I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed...he manipulated the shit out of me,totally ruined me

why do i still miss him...

im like „im getting better!"

but other day im crying after relapsing...

i hate being the second choice..Always the backup friend...like what do you mean you text me only when your friends dont have time? fuck this shit...like my friend just canceled a sleepover because his friend is not sick anymore and can go out💀

Its midnight..i was looking for makeup inspo on tiktok and there was a kaneto juusei song..yes THAT song.. BUT I DIDNT KNOW I HAD MY FUCKING VOLUME UP PLS KILL ME

AAAAAA

i love myself in gurokawa makeup and outfits i feel so good AUGHHH 👹👹

BRO HELP

i did my normal visual kei makeup with eye contacts and my mom said that I look like a demon...

Is it wrong that i like my scars?

i like the way they look,i want more

BRO💀bro~😲

My dad brought a box full of razor blades from work...🥹ummm like...is it a gift orrr

I need to lose 4 kilos.....but its so hard oh my god...

BRUH

i feel like my outfits are sooo good and pretty..BUT MY FACE AND HAIR RUIN EVERYTHING UGHHH

help i feel like im gonna pass out

i haven't eaten a proper meal in a long time....i feel sick and my body is so weak,I tried to eat because my mom forced me to, but I almost threw up

i need friends so bad oh my

im so damn lonely but everytime i make online friend they ignore me the other day😭😭

TRIED NEW MAKEUP <33

its not perfect but i tried

i want summer already im so excited to wear this outfit ☹️🖐🏻

I talked to a psychiatrist about school today AND She said I could only go to school once a week because of my mental health!!

Relapsing feels so good and shitty at the same time..

At least it's cute

my mom kicked me out of the house for a night xdd so im at my friends house haha my savior

New clothes and contacts! :33

i have no future

no like actually i dont,My family always says that...Even my psychiatrist said Im just causing problems for my family🤷🏻‍♂️its like everyone wants me to ki11 myself

The principal invited my parents to school (again)

due to my absence...I can't go to school because of mental problems and bullying,but the school doesnt give a shit ofc...idk let me just rot in my bed

dinner?

i feel sick

everytime i eat something i feel so sick like i need to throw up oh my god i just can't eat its so hard

FUCK THIS SHIT

I gained one kilo LIKE WHY IM NOT EATING ANYTHING...i need to try more

there Is no way i am real

nothing is real there is no way i feel like an npc

my another poem! My friend said I should post them but I'm scared because they are shitty asf anyways enjoy

Onion

An onion has layers, so many to peel,

but strip them too fast, and there's nothing to feel.

You can try to stack them, shove them inside,

but stripped of its soul, it cannot survive.

Does it burn? Do your eyes start to weep?

Do you see your mistakes, all buried so deep?

Or do you pretend, repaint the sky,

hiding the cracks with a colorful lie?

Forgiveness is hard when darkness remains,

when trust is just shadows and love leaves a stain.

Loneliness lingers, it pulls me back,

without you, I’d fall through the endless black.

A film-like romance, yet we’re just the cast,

acting for nothing, pretending to last.

Is this performance worthy of pride?

Or just a lie with nowhere to hide?

For you, it’s over, but I can't let go,

you broke me apart, then built me up slow.

I see you as savior, yet also my curse—

my healer, my ruiner, for better, for worse.

I translated another of my poems!

do you like it?

Silent Eruption

I want to scream with all my might,

let my soul burst into light.

Would anyone care to hear my plea?

To listen, to help, to set me free?

This feeling spreads just like a flame,

a sleeping volcano calling my name.

Words are boiling, yet stay inside,

my lips are locked, my voice denied.

So here I stand with a frozen grin,

a smile I wear—but cannot see within.

I FUCKIN HATE MY DAD FUCKIN BITCH

Is there anyone who likes poetry?

this is my own poetry i wrote and translated into English! im sorry if it doesnt really make sense haha

The Reflection’s Whisper

My longing is stronger, so hard to defy,

heavier than shadows that blur every lie.

From my own reflection, the darkness calls,

with morning’s light, the image falls.

"Come... come on, don’t hesitate!

Throw your life away—it’s not too late!

Before the pain can strike once more,

you’ll be long gone behind church doors!"

My mirrored voice whispers low,

I shake my head—what does it know?

"Oh, what must I do to make you see,

so my own reflection lets me be?

I know that peace in endless rest

is wrong... but oh, it tastes the best."

I lift my gaze and meet its eyes,

a hand is reaching—offering ties.

"Take my hand, come follow me,

no more pain, just endless sleep."

Slowly, I lift my trembling hand,

our fingers meet—and I’m pulled in.

A world of black and white surrounds,

I wander lost, no peace is found.

"Oh my God, forgive my crime!

I want to live, just one more time!

My life was fragile like a flower,

I see it now, this final hour."

Barefoot I walk on roads so cold,

the morning dew so soft yet bold.

Before me stands a chapel tall,

inside, I step—then see it all.

Figures dressed in mourning black,

sorrow weighing on their backs.

I hear them weeping, lost in grief,

tears like rain, no hope, no relief.

I step in closer—then I freeze,

what I see brings me to my knees.

My lifeless body, pale and still,

lying there against my will.

"Oh, don’t cry, I’m still right here!

Trapped inside the glass so clear,

lured by whispers, drawn too near."

But none can hear me, none can see,

my voice is gone—lost completely.

Guilt consumes me, cold as stone,

from head to toe, I’m all alone.

My chest is aching—grief or death?

I cannot feel my final breath.

The earth embraces me at last,

my faith has faded—buried past.