Hopeful - Blog Posts
i feel tonight as a being wrapped in old memories.
They are cloying and drip with slick and cold silver strings. A web of fear to enclose my little heart.
In this darkening void, i knew where the edge was. I still willingly walked out onto thin air.
I could understand that I, myself, am a being of lack and disgust
I know what makes a void like me too heavy for any surface to support
Yet how stupid am I to be surprised when i fell.
I have been caught in such a web again,
my fingers sliding off it’s wet surface,
deeper and deeper i slip away from the surface.
I can do nothing but grasp at empty air.
I wonder when the dark will claim me again.
just a friendly reminder that there are people out there who will accommodate for you. you are not a burden. you deserve to feel comfortable
Waiting for professors to say class is cancelled due to weather
I'm not ready for a relationship. I need this time alone.
But I long for letters. For discussions about books. Museum visits and afternoons spent in bookshops
For cups of tea and hot chocolate while curled up watching the rain.
For silence, and stillness and holding in front of a fire. The fire wood that we chopped.
Learning and building together.
I want someone capable. Someone calm and strong. Someone caring and kind.
I long for someone that can quiet my mind.
Someone that can keep up with me. That challenges me. That can hold space for me.
I long for someone that will love me for all the wildness of my soul.
Someone not scared by all I have to give.
With him I won't need to be small and tame
Sometimes love isn't grand gestures or daily phone calls
Sometimes love is when my mother comes home from visiting family 7 hours away. Where I couldn't go. Because, because car ride are too much and I'm sick.
She comes home and tells me of my whole family crying about me when they were leaving. Wishing they could do something
Maybe love is when my cousin gifts me fabric and patterns because she knows I love sewing. Even if I can't right now.
Perhaps love is my aunt gifting me rolls of leather and upholstery fabric and 3 kilos of cherries for the same reason.
Love might be another cousin crying, wishing my mother to tell me she thinks about me every day but doesn't have the words.
These people, my blood, that never felt like family or close. That are so far away in the world and in life.
Perhaps life is in those small moments. And way more people care for you than you think. Even if you have no clue. And thought they'd abandoned you long ago.
Another good thing to come from this bummshit journey :)
People care, we are all just as awkward and lost for words. Give others the grace to be as awkward as you think yourself to be. They might surprise you
And if you think I need help , the only kind I deserve is to understand me. I have been misconceived thus misjudged for ages am yearning for that feel, the feel to be be guessed right.
Fragile Pieces
Trust is a fragile piece of paper
And you seem to have a hole puncher in your back pocket at all times
A lighter at hand as well
Punching, ripping, burning my once whole paper
Leaving me with a sad little snippet
A little crumpled up, even after a lot of smoothing
There’s this pathetic peace of paper I’m holding onto
It’s not much
And it won’t last forever
But I won’t give up
Because I can still read the words
Scrawled in your handwriting
“I love you”
Trust is a fragile piece of paper
And as long as it’s marked by you
My pitiful peace of paper
Will stay with me
At all times
Hopes
Are like dust
I try to stay away
Not to let it fog my mind
But they still cling to me
I try to get rid of it,
Every
Last
Particle
But the next day
I end up with more of them
Sprayed in my eyes.
can we get a post going of environmental/conservation progress lately (especially outside of the USA). it can feel so defeating and it’s easy to burn out when you’re surrounded by all the negatives
Solarpunk library!
Folks, there’s so much wonderful stuff on the Fediverse. Case in point, I found this:
thanks to this toot: https://writing.exchange/@alxd/114422322330256560
Give-away shops
I'd like to tell you all the story of Jan's give-away shop.
The story:
Jan was a guy who lived in my hometown. Financially speaking, he was well-off: he owned the house in which he lived alone, and had gathered a lot of stuff throughout the years.
One day, Jan realised all of this stuff wasn't making him happy. He decided to move to a small apartment and to get rid of most of his possessions.
Jan also realised the privileged life he led: he owned much more than he needed, and was able to move on the fly just because he felt like it.
All of this made Jan decide to open up a give-away shop. He moved everything he didn't need to his living room, simply opened up his front door, and told everyone they could come and pick up whatever they wanted for free.
His friends declared him an idiot: humans are selfish, they said, and would just take his valuables and sell everything they'd gotten from him. They were wrong. Sure, some people did this, but they were only a small part of those who came.
Those who had less than Jan (including yours truly) came by and found things they needed but had been postponing to buy because they couldn't afford to. Others came to pick up things they could use for their charities, or for the classrooms they had to teach on a too low budget.
The biggest surprise was how Jan never ran out of things to give away: rather than taking things, a lot of people started donating items they didn't need anymore!
Objects weren't the only thing people donated: Jan quickly amassed a team of dedicated volunteers to run the shop for him whenever he was absent.
And that's the story of how my town got its first give-away shop. Unfortunately, the shop doesn't exist anymore: they closed down after about five years because Jan eventually had to sell his house.
His shop has left an important impact on my town: inspired by his shop, we now have a thriving freecycle community, town hall frequently hosts give-away markets (flee markets where everything's free), and individuals have been putting up give-away cabinets, fridges, and libraries all over where people can leave their unused goods, leftover food, and unread books for others to enjoy.
The take-away:
Not all of us are as privileged as Jan: if we were, we wouldn't have much need for projects like these. However, we can still learn from his story!
If you've got an unused cabinet lying around, why not turn it into your own give-away corner? If you work in event planning, maybe consider hosting a give-away market some time. Do you work at a library or a community centre? Those are the perfect spots to put a give-away library or a leftovers fridge: just make sure to keep an eye on anything food-related and to clean out expired goods when necessary.
Another popular variation on this idea are plant cuttings corners and seed banks. These are a great way to share native plants with fellow gardeners to improve the biodiversity in your neighbourhood.
If this post has inspired you, try petitioning your town for projects like these: they're often welcomed because they don't cost much to set up and can have a big positive impact on both your community and the environment.
(Image source) [ID: a small outdoors wooden construction with a see-through plastic roof containing a cupboard with toys, cookwares, and shoes, a hanging rail with clothes, a shelf with books, a bulletin board, and a box and a bag. The text "Give Box: sharing is caring" is painted at the top of the shed, and purple flowers and red hearts are painted on its sides.]
When Everything Everywhere All at Once said “The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please, be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on"
When the Good Place said “Why choose to be good every day when there is no guaranteed reward now or in the afterlife… I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.”
When Jean-Paul Sartre said ”‘Hell is other people’ is only one side of the coin. The other side, which no one seems to mention, is also ‘Heaven is each other’. Hell is separateness, uncommunicability, self-centeredness, lust for power, for riches, for fame. Heaven on the other hand is very simple, and very hard: caring about your fellow beings.“
I’m at a sociology conference and just attended a memorial for one of the giants of our field, and one of the panelists told this story…he was at a meeting with this guy, who he got his PhD under and had a long standing relationship with, and he was bemoaning the current state of the world, and he asked this old professor, “how can you be so optimistic? I can’t ever be anything but a pessimist.”
and the old professor said, “you little fucker, I’m going to make a statement and then I’m going to take you out to the parking lot and beat your ass. What good does your pessimism do?”
and that really struck me. not the least because I also knew this old professor and he very rarely swore, so I know this was something he was really worked up about. what good does your pessimism do? What GOOD does your pessimism DO. I’ll be thinking about that for awhile.
Instant “kids’Classics
Wall-E (2008)
I loved Wall-E, so so so much. It’s accurate portrayal of the future of planet Earth, the emotions Wall-E developed for work, the planet, it’s survival and mindset and of course for EVE. Most important to the story, that’s done in a way kids and adults can understand and see, is how Wall-Es development is all done by personal growth and kindness and effort. But this movie is overall for the benefits of kids, to see how automation can destroy them in the future both by not going out or connecting with others but also by relying too much on technology (that tries to keep the humans under their control).
Along with the overall notes to humans, I love that so much of this film has no words. The lack of words isn’t because Wall-E nor EVE speak a particular language other than robot either, but because a good portion of it is in solidarity or confusion there isn’t much we can understand by words—but we see their actions which show to be just as important as words, if not more
Up (2009)
Yo! Yoooooooooo, this film was a lot darker than expected. Forget the first few minutes of pure heartbreak, where the hell did this villain come from? I know Scar tries to kills Mufasa and Cruella De Vil captured people and pups for a coat, but still—this guy could have jumped out of the screen to get us—Ring style!
This was an instant classic for kids and adults, because it’s hysterical Carl and Russell are both funny on their own, but they also thrive together as two people who would have the same relationship regardless of their individual ages. Carl is trying to hold onto his youth and have some peace and Russell is trying to be an adult while also having an adventure. While they will usually have opposing ideas and views about things based on their own agendas they do have a similar mindset and will continue to be friends long after this adventure.
PS—Minions (2015), I love, love, love this film. It’s not particularly clever or emotional, just so funny. Even for the fact that the main food they like…is food that looks just like them—what?
a new start
it was something i felt from a million miles away,
the ending,
the beginning.
watching the light fade away till it flashed to darkness.
i can see the flickers of distant flames,
and for a moment hope flickers within my heart in the same rhythm.
some part of me feels
that even though everything is dark right now,
a new start will come and bring me back to life.
everything right now feels so desolate.
the night sky no longer shimmers with the stars that once loved me so.
seeing the flare of light from faraway,
thinking “who was she? the girl i once called my own?”
yet the crystalline glass of the suncatcher she gave me
still shines with the light of the sun and its galaxies.
the silky softness of what we used to be,
it glitters with newfound gold.
a new start will improve upon the old.
wonder, wonder, wonder.
will the doors that close behind me ever open again?
their dim lamp gleams through the cracks between the hinges.
i wonder what they’re doing back there.
i wonder if they’re having fun.
but a new door sparkles in front of me.
a new start will be a clean slate.
Go for it now.The future is promised to no one.
Wayne Dyer .
Hope
I’ve always had a strange affinity when it came to birds, for many a times in low moments, birds of all shapes, sizes and colors have come to grant me moments of reprieve in my melancholy.
There’s always a new bird for each season of my life, and it would appear I’ve entered a new season recently if the sudden increase of close encounters with American Robins have had any indication. Being the curious gal that I am, I took a peak at my Ornithography Book to see what possible symbol awaited for me to discover with these birds. Robins, as I found, are known simply to be messengers of hope and new beginnings. I found it somewhat fitting for that to be the message as a dear close friend mentioned that her orchid named after me was also turning a new leaf. New beginnings are all around me I suppose. I found it also interesting that I haven’t picked up a paper book in almost over a year. Something that often caused me some pain as I used to be able to burn through up to 5 novels a week when back in high school. And yet, on this day of bird watching, I had just closed the pages of a 200+ paged book, the second one in two days.
Made me stop and smile, to think that I was healing. I AM healing. It isn’t exactly the same passion at fervor that had held me captive all those years ago, but I’m getting to the point where sunshine and going out doesn’t feel like a chore anymore.
It’s something I yearn after, something to live for.
Looks like the Robins were right.
I really stand with @kathaynesart on this. This is the kind of Leonardo that I see. Yeah he made a mistake, but hey haven’t we all? I think it takes a lot of courage to pick up something when a lot of the time we don’t want it, and I think @kathaynesart beautifully captured what this journey with one’s self looked like.
Remember y’all, hope no matter how fragile she may be, is still a warrior till the end, a ninja’s s greatest weapon.
We can all change, and we can all become better no matter who we were or who we are. We can have change because there is ALWAYS hope 🧡🌱
BEGINNING || PREVIOUS || (NEXT COMING SOON)
DONE. I’m resisting the urge to do a whole TED Talk on future Leo. However, I do want to discuss something on the matter. To be brief, while I see a lot of people in the fandom emphasizing the pain and self loathing of this character (all of which I am certain he goes through) that is not what I see in him by the beginning of the movie. Some one who hates himself that much and is so bogged down with regret would not be the type to speak about still having “hope” as their greatest weapon (especially in such a cheesy manner). I see a man who has gone through the ringer and come out the other end harder and wiser. But most importantly he appears to have doubled down on his faith in himself and even more so in his loved ones. He knows it’s not about him. That he doesn’t have the luxury to be depressed and ultimately must overcome his own mind to achieve his tenacious goals. Does he still have bad days? Most certainly, anyone filled with that kind of regret does, but I really think that this is a battle he fights and wins more often than not by the time of 2044. He is a man dedicated to his cause and family, and while he still has a long ways to go at this point in the story, I feel like this would be the start of him finally forgiving himself.
I’m not into torture porn (though that may surprise some of you) nor do I think it’s healthy to wallow in that sort of pain for an extensive period (fandoms can be a great outlet for this, but it can have a huge impact on your mental and emotional state if not treated in a healthy manner), and I want this to be a story of healing rather than one completely bogged down with sorrow. Because no matter how bleak things can be, you are always worthy of love, especially self love.
Please make sure to give yourself a hug and thank you for all your support and kind words. We have one last round to wrap up Leo’s arch then it’s onto April.
When coronavirus started to spread all over the world, we forced to cancel our plans, stay at home and move our normal interaction into online just to communicate with people we love and care about. Let's hope that we can go back to our normal lives like we used to before. Don't lose hope and keep on praying, trust me, it works. Okay. Fighting! 💪😄
I realllyyyyy hope that I have done that for someone before
I really really wish that I was one of those people that other people on tumblr actually paid attention to