I got better. I'm gonna post a new chapter? No. I'm going to do more random scenarios with a head-canon that's not mine.
So found out i was not really sick, i was passing through emotional fever. Which is when you are not physically sick, but when you receive some horrible stimulus - like fear; sadness; anger; anxiety; etc. - excessively, and your brain gets sick. What affects your body and makes you feel symptoms such as fever, headache and etc. I stayed like that for about three days and now i'm better. What am i gonna do? More scenarios whit Tova's head-canon.
Galahad’s pov.
Galahad always knew who his father was, the horrible weeping monk, his mother made sure of making that clear to him, even if he didn't really know why. When he heard that his father was a horrible man, he thought it was because he was an ugly person. It was far from his head about the things his father did.
He didn't know about the atrocities his father committed until two springs ago, when he asked his mother and grandfather to let him spend some time at his house, and his mother went completely crazy. She started saying how bad the idea was and tried to persuade him to stay with her, when she saw that it wasn't working she threw everything she could. Mom was desperate, she seemed possessed by something, and began to scream in tears that he was a horrible man who killed and tortured his own kind and that Galahad should not go to his house, or he would suffer until he left there.
He got terrified and ran to his room to escape his overprotective mother's tears. He couldn't believe it, he thought the horrible man his father was was just because he didn't look good, not that.
Now, two springs later, he was brought into the fey resistance when he lost from his mother, and was living with his father; a boy the same age as him, but much more energetic and who wouldn't shut up, he liked him, the name his was Squirrel, but his father called him Percival when he did something wrong; And another man, older than his father, he is dark-skinned, and with a bit of fat under his big muscles. Galahad thinks he swears excessively and drinks too much, but he is very nice and admirable. His name is Gawain, he is the hero fey, the green knight. But the only green thing about him is his eyes.
It has been three lunar cycles since they all began living under the same roof, and Galahad had taken note of a few things. Squirrel has a very light hand, so I have to keep my things well; Gawain is gluttonous and shows a lot of physical affection towards my father, but they are not lovers; And my father is nothing like i believed.
His father wasn't an ugly man, in fact really pretty, and he looked much more like him than with his mother. He had few tear marks, but Galahad didn't have any either, so it didn't matter much. His hair was still auburn, so he probably wasn't even in his thirties, which meant he became a father at a very young age. His real name was Lancelot, which in their fey mother-language meant “To Protect/Serve” or “Earth’s fire.”
Lancelot did not deny that he committed horrible things against his own kind that he would never forgive himself or expect to be forgiven. Gawain kept saying that if the gods forgive him, he should forgive himself, but that doesn't mean much into Ash culture. The gods are not always right, they make mistakes, like we do.
He learned many things about his father, and things he likes to do with him. Very often people question whether his father is really his father, he doesn't know the conditions under which he was conceived, but he’s sure he is Lancelot's son. They have the same blue eyes, the same golden streaks among the red in their hair, except that his father's hair is darker due to age, the same body type, the same smile. The only things he inherited from his mother were his facial shape and skin tone. But other people didn't know that, so their dialogue most of the time went like this:
“Who’s your parents?” Someone asks
“My father’s Lancelot.” I respond, and the confusion rises in their faces
“... Like… in the weeping monk?”
“Former weeping monk.” I promptly defend. That wasn't my father's title, so I don't see why people should insist on using it.
“Are you-”
“Yes.”
“But you two-”
“We’re gonna look more alike when I grow.”
“You have-”
“I’m gonna get my marks when my first rituals are done.”
“...”
“Stop questioning it. He is my father.”
“... okay. Sorry.”
They were always the same questions. They didn't even need to go beyond two words for me to know what they were going to say. Sometimes I even joked that no, he wasn't my father and I was just a child that he kidnapped and started taking care of, and then denied it. But it didn't matter what anyone else thought or said, Lancelot is my father. And he had a feeling he was starting to really like it.
His mother didn't have time to braid his hair every night before bed, he didn’t balme her, she was a single mom. His father on the other hand. Today he did a simple braid, the kind that didn't squeeze his head, his hair was always curly in the morning. He might not be the best dad, but he was trying. And now he has a brother! He was noisy, but still, he loved him. He loved his new family in every detail. Well, maybe not the murderous part, but that’s aside.
Ashfolk red-heads are my love now. So sorry, but i'll keep stelling this very often. @lancedoncrimsonwings
So, those days i got myself thinking "Lancelot crys a lot in the legends. Probably because he was raised only whit women and he didn't grow up whit the pressure of 'real men don't cry' bullshit. It's funny cause in the show he was raised to be a weapon and only by men paladins. It's kind of contradictory... wait hold on-"
Well my mind just give me de awsome information that PERHAPS Lancelot and his cousins, Lionel and Bors, might just had swapped their fates whit each other in the show. Why, do you ask? Let me give you some of those beautiful reasons that almost made me want to drown myself in coffee and medicine.
In the original legends, we know that Lancelot's mother, Elaine, ran away when the castle they lived in set on fire and give young Lancelot to Viviane, the Lady of the Lake or Lady du Lac, which in the show we know as Nimue. And in some other versions he is kidnaped, or more like taken away from his mother's arms, by her. And we all assume his biological mother is dead. While Bors and Lionel are taken by Claudas and his son, and held in captivy for a time (it's not telled how many time exacly), until they kill Claudas' oldest son and ran away whit the help of Claudas' youngest son.
By the time Lionel and Bors had been whit Claudas they were treated like prisioners and had only permision to go to church or be in the surroundings of the castle whit vigilance, and they would be punished for any bad action if i remember correctly. If that's a wrong information then pardon and please correct me.
I strongly belive that Bors is too religious cause of the trumas he passed during this period of the sequence of trumas in his life. The parents death, the kidnap, and the fact that he couldn't leave or go to any place other than the church. And all of this happend when he was young, but not so young as Lancelot.
They don't cry as much as Lancelot does. Probably cause Lancelot was raised whit only women and had much more freedom to cry and expose his feelings, meanwhile, for what i belive, Lionel and Bors had been whit Claudas and i'm pretty sure he has the "swallow the cry, or i'll give you a real reason to cry. Suck it up." kind of guy dealing whit them two.
In the show we see that insted of being raised whit women, Lancelot was raised whit paladins men, worse than that, church man-blood men. NO OFFENSES. And that he probably was kidnaped and treated like an animal or a demon/prisioner. Really similar whit Lionel and Bors don't you think? It gets worse. Cause we see Lancelot suffering and asking the father if he loves him, but we don't see him cry when he totally should in front Carden. Really weird the similarity happend twice, huh?
Lancelot was raised by men, kidnaped, treated very poorly from the very beginning, and doesn't cry in front of his abusers. Exacly what happend to Lionel and Bors in their story.
I think i made my point very clear, and i think you get what i mean.
Not satisfacted whit giving me a headache from all this comparisons, my mind decided to give me more. Lancelot and his cousins swapped their storys/fates, that means Lionel and Bors scaped and now are living whit an adoptive mother looking for Lancelot. And perhaps Hector also sufferd the same fate, cause both brothers, Lionel and Bors, were kidnaped and kept imprisoned in the legends, then maybe it would make sense if Lancelot and Hector were whit the paladins.
But what about Lancelot being a total cry baby? He can't cry anymore. He'll have to learn how to express his feeling all over again.
My ADHD mind jut gave me the most perfect headcanon were, at first, Carden would not make them supress his feelings cause he knows that if he did, they would break and turn their backs to him sooner or later. But he had to do it. Why? Cause Lancelot is and the others are ashkids, and the ashfolk has a devine cry.
As i was creating a reason for the Ashfolk marks in Lancelot's backstory story, i wrote about how Aed, the red, Celtic God of fire, created the ashfolk out the first ashes that fell after the very first fey fire being summoned on earth. Or the second version and particularly my favorite: the ash folk and fey fire were created of Aed's tears when humans murdered one of his creations, his tears burn the earth where it were killed, and so the ashes fell from them. Aed not bearing the suffering, takes the ashes and creates a new form of life, made to sense the danger whit their noses and capable of desgising among the nature. Marking their faces whit tears and as black as the ashes they were made from. Giving them the ability of making fey fire and a cry closer to his own suffering than the humans.
Whit that, the ashfolk were made, and whit them the protectiveness of Aed and the fey fire. The ashfolk had one regular diferential in their cry, they didn't cry very often, cause no one wanted to mess whit Aed new creation after seing him cry and get mad, but one day a person was stupid enough to mess whit of them. And they cried.
I thought about making their tears black, but then i trowed it out cause a human, a man-blood, would never call black tears beautiful. So insted, i'm thinking about their tears as something very clear, a transparent but angel-like tear that fall from their eyes like waterfalls. And I'm absolutely pleased whit that.
This would explain why Carden had to supress the ashkids feelings. Cause everytime Lancelot or any other ashkid cried, Father Carden heard about how the paladins cried along whit them until they pass out, and the ones who didn't went to cry in his feet begging him to free the childs.
Because the ashkids cry were so devine, so angel-like, in the sounds and color, even in the way it fell from their eyes, that any human would simply not bear to hear it. And whit that, Carden toke the decision of supressing their feeling, even if he kew it was a bad decision.
[strawberry blonde]
As Guinevere and the raiders has arrived, they brought news whit them, as always, but this day something went diferent. Guinevere come to the healers tent, were Lancelot and Pym worked. She went whit the especific notice for Lancelot, and asked for Gawain's and Nimue's presence because it would be something they would need to hear later. What she didn't expect was that Lancelot would completely burst into tears when he heard the news.
The Red Spear had come whit the news that two ashmans were found by the east-southeast, one whit red hair and the other whit redish-blond hair, both whit green eyes, and the red head had a lion swened in his chest.
When the information left her lips, she heared the most soft and breaking heart sound she had ever heard in her life.
Everyone in the room turned their faces to Lancelot, founding him now leaned against the stone table they examined the pacients, the clearests tears they ever seen rooling down his cheeks as a waterfall, his tear marks seems to get clearer as the tears flowed. His sounds were so quiet, yet so breath taking, so lovely and painful that for a moment, the ones present felt their knees weaken. He looked like an angel crying.
Guinevere had to left before she herself cried, but she didn't know she wanted to cry.
What anyone knew, is that the ashmans in the east-southeast were Lancelot's cousins. Which he didn't saw since he was kidnaped as a kid. And even with all the training and preparation to suppress his feelings, he couldn't hold back his tears hearing the news that they were alive, and on this land. Tears were rolling down his eyes before he could realize it.
Gawain couldn't belive what he was seeing. Lancelot was crying, and he sounded absolutely devide. He looked so broken, yet so beautiful.
His body doesn't seem to move for a moment, but then he readily moves to comfort the crying man, hugging his body slowly and carefully. His heart broke a little more when he felt Lancelot flinch from the hug, because of he wasn't used to that or any form of affection.
Within seconds he feels his friend's facade break and bury his face in the crook of his neck. The almost non-existent sobs seem louder now that they are so close, Lancelot's tears wet the fabric of his shirt, and without even knowing why, Gawain's own tears begin to silently descend.
This actually went way bigger than i thought, so if you read it till there, either you are really hiperfixed on the weeping monk, or you just had a fucking time. Either ways, thank you for reading.
Hunted kisses for you ❤️
@lancedoncrimsonwings