THISSS! But imagine he just starts picking up even more cause of past champions and the gods in his head.
So Captain Marvel starts muttering phrases in dead languages and no one can keep track of it, probably not even Billy!
Billy slowly starts picking up just little common Spanish expressions that Rosa used often after living with them for a while. Batman’s conspiracy board on Marvel just got even larger.
Do you think Captain Marvel (Shazam) can inflict harm on himself?
Like if he’s in a situation where someone is forcing him to say the magic word (with the lasso of truth or something) and Captain Marvel knows if he transforms back to Billy he’ll die, couldn’t he just rip his own vocal cords out?
Like, obviously if he did they’ll heal (cause he’s magic) and he’d be able to speak again eventually, but ripping out your own vocal cords would be a pretty badass way to counter a villain, huh?
Good shock value for the horror everyone else would have at this person tearing out their own throat just so he wouldn’t say a word
“Dick’s Robin is ___!” “Jason’s Batgirl is ___!” “Cass’ Robin is ___!” “Steph’s Batgirl is ___!” “Tim’s Robin is ___!” “Duke’s Batgirl is ___!”
No no no, I don’t care about any of that, who is YOUR Batgirl? Who is YOUR Robin? Who will always be Batgirl and/or Robin in your eyes?
Some random kid in a red hoodie (Billy) absolutely bolting past Flash: AAAAAA-
A bunch of JL members running after him: *confused yelling and questions being shouted at the kid*
Flash: *long sip from his coffee*
Flash: I feel like I should be doing something… I just can’t put my finger on what…
Head-canoning Damian Wayne and Cassandra Cain as autistic is like seeing these two assassin children who already having the HARDEST time transitioning into (western) society and deciding to give them another truckload of difficulties.
Oh, you come from a very strict background that barely/didnt at all give you the freedom to be you? WELL GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE AFTER UNMASKING!
Oh, you already struggle to understand what people mean and you don’t get why people are the way they are? BOOM, NOW YOU ONLY UNDERSTAND SARCASM HALF THE TIME!
Oh, the societal norms are completely different yet just as (if not more) suffocating? HAHA, EYE CONTACT MAKES YOU WANNA SCREAM!
Things I think Captain Marvel has done to make money (some are inspired by random posts I remember but can’t find)
Sells embarrassing photos of the JL to the younger superheroes
Sells kryptonite thrown at him to the Fawcett City black market where it’s bought and thrown at him again
Using his lightning to spell stuff out in the sky for other heroes anniversaries (price depends on the person paying)
YJ paid him to juggle all of them at once. Goes without saying it ended in disaster
His tooth was knocked out by Black Adam once and Billy sold it to Batman (Batman wanted to study Cap’s dna and Billy just went “money is money”)
Many of the sidekicks (current or former) have paid him to blow up their mentor’s mailbox with lightning and Billy, once again, went “money is money”
Took kids flying (for a fundraiser, but it still counts)
Paid to eat really hot peppers or anything difficult to eat in general
He did a little jig once for 20 bucks
Okay but someone in the JL has definitely gone through the Watchtower security cam footage and made a compilation video of Captain Marvel banging his head on the top of a doorway.
And I’m pretty sure we all know that he must do that a lot.
Cass, coming back from her fight to the “death” with Shiva: “I lived bitch, and so did Shiva”
Babs: “I’m so happy you’re alive! but we really gotta unpack that later…”
So we've had "skill issue," we've had "lock in," we've had "where we droppin' boys" but I put forward that if there's any one piece of borrowed internet slang Cass would get constant use out of in her day to day crimefighting career it would be "I lived bitch."
The Captain Marvel Dad AU is literally just Billy not wanting to be adopted SO bad that he mentally adopts everyone else.
And that is so Billy-coded
Like, yeah, you just got adopted by this preteen, but that’s only cause you didn’t adopt him first! You snooze you lose
Excuses (lies) Billy Batson could use to explain why he’s a kid.
He just takes the form of a child like Klarion the Witch Boy
It’s his power save mode
He was born with the knowledge of the gods and has the mind of an adult
He uses the form because people are more likely to talk to a homeless little orphan kid rather than a 7ft Demi-god superhero.
His body just ages more slowly than his mind.
He was made of magic not very long ago so his non-magic form is how old he’d be if he was normal.
He died at this age and his magic makes him look how old he should be.
He just looks that way
“Fuck off, it’s magic” (persuasion)
“What? Are you seeing straight? Obviously I’m an adult” (straight up lying)
ALRIGHT GUYS! TIME TO PUT IT TO A VOTE CAUSE I SEE TOO MANY VERSIONS!
Excuses (lies) Billy Batson could use to explain why he’s a kid.
He just takes the form of a child like Klarion the Witch Boy
It’s his power save mode
He was born with the knowledge of the gods and has the mind of an adult
He uses the form because people are more likely to talk to a homeless little orphan kid rather than a 7ft Demi-god superhero.
His body just ages more slowly than his mind.
He was made of magic not very long ago so his non-magic form is how old he’d be if he was normal.
He died at this age and his magic makes him look how old he should be.
He just looks that way
“Fuck off, it’s magic” (persuasion)
“What? Are you seeing straight? Obviously I’m an adult” (straight up lying)
I always forget that Superman has freeze breath or whatever it’s called.
So I’ll see a bit of fan media where he uses that power, and I’m just like, “Wtf??? Doesn’t he already have enough powers to begin with? You’re adding more???”
And then I remember and I spend the rest of the day embarrassed.
Dc technically makes the rules, but they lost that right after shipping Cass off to HongKong.
So fuck it, I make the rules now and DAMIAN WAYNE AND CASSANDRA CAIN ARE BOTH AUTISTIC
They both get it from Bruce (idc that Cass isn’t biologically related to Bruce, he birthed her and Damian and THATS FINAL)
Damian and cassandra are autistic siblings I’m sorry I don’t make the rules
GCPD Officer: You’re under arrest for attempting to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Jason: Damn, Bruce is gonna kill- wait, three?
GCPD Officer: yes, three.
Steph: oh shit
Tim: Cass fucking fell off!
Cass, somehow hanging off the back off the motorcycle by her fingers with ease: no I didn’t?
GCPD Officer, surprised: Jesus Christ!
Steph, shaking Jason’s shoulders: quickly! While he’s distracted!
Jason, speeding off with Cass still hanging off the motorcycle: shit, now we gotta pay Babs off so she doesn’t show Bruce the CCTV footage!
Tim: *falls off 2 minutes later*
Bruce would adopt it
Selina would openly let Bruce adopt it because she thinks it’s a lil funny
Dick would play games with it but might play games that are not in any child’s skill set, cause he could do entire circus routines and etc at that age
Jason would be decent but then leave it alone in a room with MULTIPLE hazards (open windows on second story, stuff cooking on the stove, etc) even if just for a second
Tim would full on forget it was there at times while he got absorbed in cases and then look up to see the child has either hurt itself accidentally or has eaten every single sugary thing in sight and has thrown up.
Steph would adore it but she would forget what things children couldn’t do. Like she would forget it’s a child and ask it to make dinner cause “I did it yesterday and it’s your turn now” so she would forget it’s not just her roommate.
Cass would absolutely love it to bits, but she obviously has no idea what exactly children could do (like Steph or Dick) because she was such an unusual child. So she would let it basically do whatever it wanted as long as it didn’t hurt itself too bad (letting it eat so much sugar, staying up SUPER late, etc)
Damian would drop kick that mf
I took out Barbara and Alfred because they're too obvious.
Headcanon that Cassandra Cain uses communication cards for when she is overstimulated and can’t get the words out, or she doesn’t quite know the word for it. And Jason snuck a UNO reverse card in with her communication cards and now she uses it unironically and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense.
An equally sleep deprived Tim: go get some sleep, Cass, I’ll patrol.
Cass: *pulls out a fucking UNO reverse card* nuh-uh
*proceeds to knock him out (affectionately) and go on patrol*
———
Some rogue: you’ll never catch me!
Black Bat who cannot be bothered to come up with a response: *pulls out UNO reverse card with no explanation*
Spoiler: *proceeds to drop down from somewhere and onto the rogue* HAHA! UNO REVERSE, BITCH!
———
Jason: Yo mama so fat, her bellybutton arrives home five minutes before she does!
Cass: *pulls out an UNO reverse card*
Jason, who’s been waiting for this day ever since he first put that UNO card in her communication cards: *Smugly pulls out his own UNO reverse card*
Cass, undeterred: *Pulls out a second UNO reverse card that Jason didn’t give her*
Jason, surprised but prepared: *pulls out another reverse card*
This just ends with them having to clean up like over 50 cards because Alfred got cross with them just standing there and throwing cards at each other.
———
Black Bat: *runs out of bat-a-rangs so for the rest of her patrol she just throws UNO reverse cards at rogues and for some reason it works almost as well*
Some random civilian: *records Black Bat just pelting some mugger with UNO reverse cards* What the fuck.
———
Later on some reporter got lucky and managed to shove a microphone in Black Bat’s face before she could grapple off.
Reporter: could you tell us why you have been spotted using UNO reverse cards as rebuttals to villains?
Black Bat: *very slowly hands the reporter a UNO reverse card whilst making intense eye contact with the camera* No.
———
Black Bat and her UNO reverse cards is now a meme.