Batfam Shenanigans - Blog Posts

Okay, but like...

Jason loves to mess with his siblings. That not particularly unique, as most siblings love to annoy each other. Only difference is that Jason is a little shit. Most of his "jokes" involve property damage.

One time he put Tim’s laptop into jello (he watches the office, sue me). Tim loaded all his guns with jolly ranchers in return.

Damian’s katana has been mutilated by Jason several times. It's always washable, but annoying all the same. A perfect example of this is the 'Syrup Incident' in which Jason coated everyone’s favorite weapons in syrup. Dick's sparky sticks were actually damaged by that prank....

The only one who rivals Jason in property damge has got to be Steph. I mean, come one, it's Steph.

Ok, but like...

There's "danger zones" in Wayne Manor.

These are areas where watching for falling objects, dangerous projectiles, murderous vigilante baby, and a plethora of other hazards.

For example, the main foyer is a danger zones.

Dick, with his acrobatic tendencies, has broken over 23 chandeliers. Thankfully, he's never been hurt. He just hangs on the chandeliers and tends to loosen them. Then tend to fall later, when unexpecting people are walking underneath. Jason has dubbed it the "phantom chamber" in lieu of the falling chandelier in phantom of the opera.

Damian’s room is also a danger zone. For obvious reasons.

Part 2 of Batfam Nerf War

Scroll down for part 1. It's not far.

Previously: Tim then builds a team...

The "Tim team" consists of Steph, Duke (reluctantly), and Cass.

It starts out with the four of them ambushing Jason as random times. At one point, Jason has to restrain himself from pulling a real gun on Steph. She has her guns loaded with glitter as a "artistic addition".

Jason eventually loses it and recruits the "big guns". He promises Dick a hug and cashes out a favor from Damian.

The group spends about a week ambushing each other (Tim usually concocted unusually complicated traps). Until Dick's gun malfunctions and accidentally fires on Damian. The teams split into three, the four....

By next week the manor becomes the battle ground of a no-holds free-for-all nerf war.

God help poor Alfred.

Imagine nerf darts, glitter, and batarangs scattered all around the mansion. Alfred just following behind and cleaning up the "bat tornado aftermath".

Somehow, Bruce is completely oblivious to the destruction his children are causing. "It just a harmless game Alfred". Bruce is lucky Alfred loves him.

I'll write part 3 when I'm motivated.

Batfam Nerf War...

Nerf wars are supposed to be fun! Right?

Usually they are! Until you take a family full of child soldiers, emotional constipation, and trauma; give them toy guns and tell them to go.

You've doomed yourself from the beginning!

Of course no one started this intentionally. It was just supposed to be a... joke.

Jason started it.

Because of course he did!

Saw video of someone rigging a Nerf gun and said "Bitch, I can do better". Jason proceeded to create a Nerf gun that shot Nerf darts like paintball.

Now that he had a demon Nerf gun, he had to test it out. On Tim.

"He won't be THAT pissed off."

Famous fucking last words

Tim gets hit ONCE and then declares war.

Now, I don’t know if anyone knows this about Timothy Drake, but the man is a literal genius. Who decided to use his smarts to create something that would blow Jason’s "weapon of mass annoyance" out of the water.

This man build a custom Nerf gun. That fucker leaves bruises.

Tim then builds a team...

I'll write part two tomorrow!

Always yes with this

There are degrees of shipping people with the Batfam. Like a spectrum even for established relationships.

And each non-bat can be anywhere from full civilian to other JL to someone turned this character into a bat by proxy.

My favorite is bat by proxy because it's a hilarious thing to me.

I mean, the ships that come to mind where the later works really well are Birdflash and TimKon. Which makes it better. Because Wally is a Flash and Kon is a Super. Two of the other rather large clans of themed leaguers with two of the other more recognizable family heads. I mean, throw in JayRoy and it's three of the others and adds in the Bruce v Oliver fun.

And the Bat by proxy thing.

I don't mean they just side with the Bats over the rest of the League. I mean they start becoming Bats by virtue of always being around them.

Like Wally just accidentally learning to be better at hearing people sneaking up on him because if he's gonna go to brunch with Dick at the Manor he has to be able to dodge these near silent people. Especially Damian, who will stab him if he fails a vibe check, and Tim, who will steal and solve your cases or hack your phones ringtone to be stuck at the loudest setting and playing Barbie world for every notification and there is no in between our way to tell which kind of day it is. So none of the League can sneak up on Wally. And he's smiling and capable like Nightwing but has also picked up that steal slightly crazy smile and no other flash is quite as scary as Wally.

Or Kon, after being constantly threatened with kryptonite by Steph, Jason, and Duke at various points just gives up and learns how to fight through the weakness and goes through enough bat training to be able to survive when he and then he's one of the best trained Supers in hand to hand and no one understand how. And because he's always around Tim, he gets really good and reading people. Because his life can and will depend on being about to tell if Tim is approaching someone at a gala for WE business or for RR business. Even the other supers are confused at how quick his is to pick up in the slightest shift in body language.

And Roy. It was easiest for Roy, going from Arrow to Bat. But that doesn't mean he didn't have to just get used to casually collecting blackmail as some kind of twisted way of showing love. The first time Tim gave him and Jason a photo of them on a date where neither of them knew Tim was watching or talking pictures Roy is shook. By the tenth he's finding it endearing and hoping that Tim manages to get around Jason's traps to get done candids of Lian. No other arrow is quite as stealthy, despite the red of his costume.

And the JL, even the 'families' they came from, know that they have the ability to appear normal. To blend with the rest of the League, but the longer they're with their Bats the more cryptid they become. Until Flash finds himself unsettled by Wally in the same way as the other Bats. And Big Boy Blue refuses to train with Kon for a different reason than before, no longer because of the clone thing but for the same reason he avoids training with any of the Bats. And Green Arrow finds himself looking over his shoulder for Bruce and Roy on the Watchtower.

And their secrets are more and civi identities locked down. No names in my the field and they never slip these days. Like any good Bat.

New Leaguers meet these converts and can't tell the difference between the Bats Batman chose and the ones the other Bats brought into the fam.

And the rest of the League starts to wonder: is being a Bat contagious?

headcanon that Bruce is worried about his kids who don’t live with them and who he no longer gives an allowance to. Specifically Dick and Jason. But they’re too proud and “self-sufficient” to ever accept any money Bruce tries to give them,,,,,, so Bruce gets . . . creative.

jason: *walking through his apartment* Jason: *grabs Jane Austen book* *five hundred dollars spills onto his lap from inside the book* Jason: Jason: what the fuck, Bruce

Dick: *tired af* Dick: *pours himself the sugariest cereal in his cabinet* *a check labeled “for the dentist you will obviously need* Dick: Dick: I’ll deal with this once I’ve had coffee

Jason: *putting on a show for a few watching criminals* get outta the Alley, Bat! Bruce: I need information first, Hood. Jason: *internally thinking “this is not part of the script!”* what d’ya want? Bruce: the locations of Penguin’s goons. Jason: *rattles off locations, assuming Bruce just wants to draw out the act* Bruce: *nods solemnly and hands him four hundred dollars* for your trouble *disappears* Jason: Jason: *mutters under his breath* I swear to god Dick: *walking down the street* a little boy: hey mister!!! Dick: uh—hello? Are you okay, kid? What’s up? Boy: some dude in a really fancy suit asked me t’ give you this! *hands him an envelope that is obviously money* Dick: Dick: *smiling through gritted teeth* ah, thanks. Um where did you say he was? Kid: *shrugs* Dick: here. Just take the envelope to your mom, okay? Jason: *going through paperwork for a case* his goons: *knock on the door* Jason: come in goons: uh, hood, sir— Jason: *raises eyebrow* yeah? Goons: we just got . . . Paid? Jason: by who??? Ain’t I payin’ ya? Goons: exactly. So uh, we don’t know where the’ money came from. But it’s a shit ton. Jason: *sighs* and why are you even coming to me about this? Why not take the money for yourselves? Goons: there was a post it on th’ bills sayin’ “I’ll know if this does not reach Hood”. Writing was crap. Jason: *under his breath* fuck

Currently imagining a bat family dinner where all the batkids are going “pass me the Bat-salt” “sorry, I dropped my Bat-fork” “amazing Bat-soup, Alfred!” “I don’t want to see anymore Bat-photos of your dog on your Bat-phone, Damian”

Meanwhile Bruce has his head in his hands cursing the day he decided to get everyone to come to dinner.

Headcanon that Cassandra Cain uses communication cards for when she is overstimulated and can’t get the words out, or she doesn’t quite know the word for it. And Jason snuck a UNO reverse card in with her communication cards and now she uses it unironically and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense.

An equally sleep deprived Tim: go get some sleep, Cass, I’ll patrol.

Cass: *pulls out a fucking UNO reverse card* nuh-uh

*proceeds to knock him out (affectionately) and go on patrol*

———

Some rogue: you’ll never catch me!

Black Bat who cannot be bothered to come up with a response: *pulls out UNO reverse card with no explanation*

Spoiler: *proceeds to drop down from somewhere and onto the rogue* HAHA! UNO REVERSE, BITCH!

———

Jason: Yo mama so fat, her bellybutton arrives home five minutes before she does!

Cass: *pulls out an UNO reverse card*

Jason, who’s been waiting for this day ever since he first put that UNO card in her communication cards: *Smugly pulls out his own UNO reverse card*

Cass, undeterred: *Pulls out a second UNO reverse card that Jason didn’t give her*

Jason, surprised but prepared: *pulls out another reverse card*

This just ends with them having to clean up like over 50 cards because Alfred got cross with them just standing there and throwing cards at each other.

———

Black Bat: *runs out of bat-a-rangs so for the rest of her patrol she just throws UNO reverse cards at rogues and for some reason it works almost as well*

Some random civilian: *records Black Bat just pelting some mugger with UNO reverse cards* What the fuck.

———

Later on some reporter got lucky and managed to shove a microphone in Black Bat’s face before she could grapple off.

Reporter: could you tell us why you have been spotted using UNO reverse cards as rebuttals to villains?

Black Bat: *very slowly hands the reporter a UNO reverse card whilst making intense eye contact with the camera* No.

———

Black Bat and her UNO reverse cards is now a meme.

Another Clone Danny x batfam au, Danny was also full dead before he's shoved into a clone body, but it's not really relevant in this part.

[Pt2: here]

Danny isn't a hundred percent sure how he got here. Last thing he remembered was running away from the GIW and his parents. They got a lucky shot on him, and he was losing ectoplasum fast. He's pretty sure he was about to fully End. He remembers being mildly amused over his parents' inventions killing him twice, before it all goes dark.

He woke up as a baby. A clone baby by the looks of his environment, an underground lab(?). His creator(?) is staring at him as if he's a miracle, and given the fancy sci-fi screen thingy (a tablet? Or ipad? He's not sure how he knows these terms) in front of the cloning tank say "attempt 99", he probably is this guy's miracle.

Danny doesn't see anyone else around, and this guy, a teenager about Jazz's age (?), seems happy on a personal level to see Danny wiggling in the tank. So it's not likely he was forced to do this. Whatever this is..

"I did it...? Holy shit! I did it!" The teen cheers before freezing, "I'm a parent now.. I did not think this through... welp, I'm a parent now."

The guy checks his vitals before draining the tank. Danny is handled as if he's the most precious, yet breakable thing in the world to this kid.

"Hello, I'm Tim, your dad, I guess." The kid, Tim, introduces himself, and Danny giggles at him because if Danny was a normal baby, he'd have no idea what he was saying. "You're the clone of my dead best friend. He was half kryptonian. I promise to do my best to help you learn your powers and culture. I'll break into Clark's ice fortress if I have to to do it."

Danny has no idea what any of that means, but Tim seems determined, so Danny isn't too worried. He's more worried about the power thing. Are they going to be completely different from his old ones? Does he still have access to his ghost powers?

His little baby body can't handle his big emotions, and he starts crying. Tim panics, checking for mess, before realizing he doesn't have baby supplies. He clearly didn't think his cloning attempt would work with how unprepared he is. And that's valid if Danny really is his 99th attempt.

Tim bundles Danny up and rushes them to the nearest store that has baby supplies. Danny is clothed and fed promptly and given a wolf plushy. Danny isn't sure about the wolf thing, but the stuffie does sooth his baby instincts, so he rolls with it.

"Alright, baby. I... I didn't think of a name for you. I originally was trying to make a clone closer to Kon's age and figured they could name themselves, like Kon did." Tim sighs, slightly rocking Danny in his arms. "Man, I must seem insane talking to a baby. A baby I made because I couldn't deal with one more person in my life being dead or gone."

Danny notes the interesting wording.

"Okay. Can you understand me at all? I forgot to adjust the knowledge download to a year old's level, but that doesn't mean your baby brain absorbed any of the info."

Ooooh, that explains why he knows things that didn't exist where he's from.

Danny blows spit bubbles and attempts to nod. It's a bit hard, his baby muscles not developed enough for the action. Tim understands, though.

"Okay, okay." Tim looking both scared and relieved. "How about you pat me once for yes and twice for no? At least for now. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Danny lightly smacks a hand to Tim's face. They both giggle over it.

"Alright, so I'm going to list off names, and you can tell me yes or no, okay?" One pat. "Okay, let's see."

Danny wonders if he can get a new name that can still let him have Danny as a nickname.

"Jasper" No

"Darin" No

"Dugu" No??

"Presh?" No! Tim? Where are you getting these names??

"Ratan" No

"Cicil" No

"Matthew" No

"Theo?" No

"Alihan" No

"Atiya" Nope

"Tesher" No

"Senai" No

"Uuum... Habwat?" No

"Geoffrey" No

"Amari?" Nope

"Jordan" ... huh, technically could get Danny from that, but still. No.

"Riley?" No

"Drew?" Nope

"Nova" Oooo so tempting, but no

"Esteban" Nope

"Izar" No

"Aedan?" You know what, good enough. That's Danny's new name.

Tim looks misty eyed when Danny finally agrees to a name.

"Alright, welcome to the world, Aedan Drake." Danny blows bubbles at him. "We'll visit adding Kent and getting you a proper kryptonian name when you can actually speak and understand what those names mean. Kon's human name was Conner Kent, and his kryptonian name was Kon-El. It translates to abomination of the house of El. He was a clone of Kal-El and wasn't treated well for it. I won't let the Els treat you as they treated him."

Tim looks pissed on his friend's behalf and cradles Danny protectively.

"The Els don't matter anyways. You will always be a Drake. And Drakes protect what they claim with viciousness." He kisses Danny's forehead. He then moves to the fanciest computer Danny has ever seen, and with the hand not supporting Danny's body, starts designing what appears to be a bulletproof and stabproof baby carrier. "I should have waited til after I finish hunting for clues to get Bruce, he's my adoptive father, out of the timestream. My siblings think I'm crazy, which creating a clone isn't helping my case over, but I know he's alive. I found evidence, just not enough to prove it to them."

Danny starts nodding off. Tim's ramblings are soothing and his hold gentle, Danny's tiny baby body doesn't stand a chance at staying awake. He's sad he's missing out on all the dad lore because of it.

Once the carrier is ready, Tim starts going out and taking Danny with him. Danny is actually pretty safe on these outings. The carrier is bulletproof, stabproof, has tinted bulletproof glass so Danny can get sun without people seeing him, it's temperature controlled, well ventilated, and has plenty of cushion. Seriously, Danny is sure the whole thing is like 60 pounds with him in it, but Tim gives zero fucks. He's determined to keep Danny safe.

It's super touching. And Danny swears to one day return the favour. The day is closer than he thinks when a creepy old fucker crawls out of the woodworks. Danny hates him instantly. Tim explaining the creep's relation to Tim's family doesn't change Danny's mind. In fact, it probably makes his opinion on this Ra's Al Gul even worse. And once he sees how that pedo looks at his sweet new dad, he plans to be an absolute menace.

Another Clone Danny au, but the twist is he's basically reincarnated. CW shoved his core into a soulless LoA Damian clone to keep the halfa from completely dying after his original human body was destroyed in his og dimension. Danny is currently mute, too. Be warned, this is long. [Pt 2 here]

Danny had become completely aware in his new body after about a month of barely processing what is happening. The trauma of everything that's gone wrong in his life putting him in a disassociative state while his body's creators train and test him for something. It takes a while for him to realize he's not their first clone, but is the first to not be a soulless husk. These people talk too freely around him, but rarely each other, confident in his inability to understand anything outside of orders. So he decides to play along, learning about this hell hole and what little of the outside world he can. He takes the latter with a grain of salt, he can smell how delusional his creators are.

"Hmm, something is defective with this clone." A tall, beautiful woman says while glaring at Danny's eyes, "Damian's eyes are Juniper. This thing's eyes have been fading to a bluer colour every time I see it. Someone has made a mistake.... no matter. Beloved and my son shouldn't notice it's eyes are pine if we send it now. It is ready?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Give it its instructions and get it out of my sight."

And this is how Danny learns he's been made to attempt to kill his template or die trying. He gets the full feeling that they expect him to die, like the, apparently, dozen before him. (He hides his amusement when realizing he can truly relate to Dani now.) Too bad for his creators, he's not like the rest and fully intends to not do any murder once he's out of this godforsaken lab.

Keeping himself from reacting gets a whole lot harder when he realizes they intend to put him in a crate to ship him to some place called Gotham, but he stays as blank and relaxed as possible. It's only once they unload him, inform him of his Template's whereabouts, and ditch him in the middle of what he assumes is Gotham, does he finally grimace and shake off the shitty shell persona he had going on. As he stretches out his limbs and thinks on how he wants to play this, he takes in how absolutely drenched in the smell of death the city is. It reminds him enough of Amity that he knows his ghost half would never go hungry here, but what to do with his human half? He wonders if his Template and his father would care for another sibling. He caught the tall lady and her father saying insulting things about how many strays, he assumes kids, his Template's father adopts, it's usually over how pissed they are that his Template isn't treated like God's gift for simply being blood related.

So with a bit of hesitant hope, Danny heads towards where he was told his Template was. He's hit with a wave of weariness when he finds a kid of the same colouring as him decked out in a hero costume and arguing with a giant man dressed as a.. bat? Danny has no idea what he's looking at and is a little scared of how aggressive his Template is. Aggression means he's probably going to have to at least dodge a lot.

Danny's awful luck strikes again when before he can even decide on how exactly he's going to approach this, he hears a light crunch that has him bolting several feet in the opposite direction before he whips around and into a defensive fighting stance.

"Shit, sorry, BB." A blonde woman dressed in a purple hero costume says to a small figure that looks like a creepier verson of the bat dude. Purple is standing where the crunching sound came from, and scarily, "BB" is almost exactly where Danny had been. "Shit. He looks like Demon Brat.."

"Calm.." "BB"'s voice is soft and feminine, and she(?) seems to be trying to project "we're not going to hurt you" and "let me near" with body language alone. Which Danny finds impressive but doesn't trust, Purple is too tense and is too ready to attack. So when his Template and his father climb onto the roof, apparently seeing a commotion, and they too look ready to fight, Danny just bolts. He's not dumb enough to test if he can fight 4 unknown trained fighters. He can see why all his predecessors instantly died if they just automatically started fighting and trying to kill people.

The fact he ran seems to surprise them and gives him a few seconds headstart. He ducks and weaves, avoiding everything they throw at him to the best of his ability without tapping into his ghost half. He REALLY doesn't want to out himself as a freak just yet.

"Kid! Get back here! I'm sorry for scaring you!" Purple yells, slightly out of breath and somewhere behind him to the left.

"I demand you stop running!" His Template sounds pissed and directly behind him, so Danny quickly rolls to his right, dodging a tackle. Which apparently BB was ready for, because she's right there and grabs ahold of him, taking them both to the ground. He's scared, trying not to hurt her, and absolutely stuck in her hold without his powers. He lets out an inhuman whine as he struggles. He hasn't spoken a single word in this body yet, he doesn't know if it has the ability yet, and something he hadn't realized would complicate this situation in the way it has.

"Safe" BB tries to soothe, but Danny can't be soothed, not when he can see and sense the rest of his pursuers closing in on them. BB seems to realize this and snaps at her people in annoyance. "Back!"

Danny flinches and trembles in her hold, not knowing if they'll ignore her and ... he's not sure what, but do something to him. But to his endless surprise, they listen and back up several feet. Close enough to help her if she needs it, but far enough Danny relaxes a fraction. It's not a lot, but it's enough to get his anxiety down to a more manageable level. And even though he thought she'd start questioning him now, she simply waits. He's still confused and scared, but slowly relaxes in her hold, an odd sort of trust forming against his will at her calm and "Please trust I won't hurt you" vibe she's yeeting at him.

"Safe." She says and releases her hold just enough to free one of her arms. She gently runs the hand through his hair and rubs his forehead and cheeks, just softly petting him. It's a gentle affection that reminds him of Jazz. He can't remember the last time he was touched kindly, and it's enough to make him tear up. She wipes away any tears that escape. "Safe."

Once he finally stops trembling and he's emotionally spent, she finally fully releases her hold and moves to sit by him so he can sit up. He feels so awkward when he realizes his Template's father and Purple are staring him down while his Template looks like he's trying to pretend to not be interested, but is glancing over too frequently to be believable.

Danny takes a shakey breath and gives a little wave, unconsciously trying to lean towards BB when he sees their body language all sharpen and focus harder on him.

"Who are you?" Bat dude demands, and Danny can see the resemblance between him and his Template, even while he's panicking to figure out how to communicate without his voice. He ends up pointing at his Template with a nervous energy. "Are you a clone?"

Danny is so relieved at the yes or no question, he almost forgets to be nervous about frantically nodding yes. Almost.

"Can you talk?" Purple asks next and he's trembling again as he gives a hesitant no. "Yes or no questions it is!"

He nearly jumps out of his skin when BB starts rubbing his shoulder in a soothing manage. He tries to subtly self-sooth by rubbing his thumb along the middle phalanx of the pointer finger on the hand hidden between him and BB. It's the first time he's done it while not completely alone. He's not sure what the LoA would have done if they'd seen, but he can't imagine it going well for him. He stops self-soothing at the thought. BB's vibes turn very sad next.

"Based on your outfit, the League of Assassins sent you, yes?" His Template growls menacingly at him and Danny winces for the guy's poor teeth the way he grides them at Danny's nod. "To kill me?"

Danny wants to bolt again, but BB is already pulling him into a hug, trapping him. The spike in anger at his nod sends him into a panic, but BB's hold is inescapable, so he ends up "hiding" in her arms. He curls up as small as he can while pressing his face into the front of her shoulder. He feels like a scared little kid.

"Geeze, kid..." Purple sounds sad.

"All of the LoA clones have been nothing but mindless shells. Why are you so different?" His Template doesn't actually sound like he's talking to Danny, but even if he was, Danny literally can't answer that with some sort of aid. Though, Danny doesn't trust these people enough to explain even if he could. "Father. I believe we should take him to the batcave."

Danny tucks himself deeper into BB. She's petting his hair and back the way you would a cat. "Safe."

"One more question." Bat dude says. "Are you planning on going through with your orders?"

Danny can feel BB get defensive on his behalf, even as Danny pulls away to look Bat dude in the face as he frantically shakes his head no.

"Honest. New brother?" Something seems to change in them when BB says this. Amusement and resignation are as easy to read as their weariness. He can't blame them. He's far from their first LoA clone, just the first to not be a mindless murder machine.

"Hn."

"Tt. Really, father?"

"Hn."

"Tt!" Danny blinks in fascination at the weird monosyllable conversation between his Template and his father. BB gets up before pulling Danny to his feet. She keeps a loose hand on his wrist, probably in case he tries to bolt again, but it's still nice. It does get awkward when she keeps her hold as they climb off the roof, and Danny needs a little help getting down with only one hand.

He tucks himself half behind BB when Purple decides to ask him a random assortment of questions while they wait for something called "the batmoble". He's a bit intimidated by her energy, it's so much like his parents'.

'Do you have a favourite food?' No. He hasn't actually eaten food yet in this body, just iv-ed nutrients. 'Favourite animal?' No. He doesn't know this dimension's animals. 'Flowers? Or plant?"No. Same problem. 'Are you hurt in any way?' Shrug. He's a little scratched and bruised, but it's not even in the top hundred of hurt he's been through. He's actually pretty happy this body doesn't have all his scars, his ghost half will have them, but his new human half is basically a blank canvas, and it's a glorious reprieve. 'Have you been anywhere besides the LoA and Gotham?" No. 'Did you at least stay somewhere nice in the LoA?' No? Does the lab count? It was a pretty nice lab all things considered.

Danny nearly jumps out of his skin when a black, sleek car shows up without a driver. He clings to BB when they climb in. He's nearly in her lap.

He can't help but wonder about how out of character he feels. He wonders if it's because this body is, at most, 2 months old, or if his time as only a ghost core kick started childish instincts, his ghost half IS only about a year old, or if the trauma of everything that happened caused a mental regression. He vaguely remembers Jazz talking about age regression as a coping mechanism, not enough to understand if that's what's happening right now, but it sort of feels like it. At least BB doesn't seem to mind having an overgrown toddler using her like a security blanket.

The drive is pretty smooth considering the speed bat dude is driving. Danny looks around "the batcave" in wonder when they pile out.

"Who's that?" A cheerful man in black and blue bounces over. Danny hides behind BB again and wishes he knew literally anybody's name. Currently, he just knows his Template's non-hero identity as Damian Al Gul. BB's hero identity of BB definitely means something, but all he has is what Purple called her.

"New brother!" BB chirps. Blue guy thankfully stops a few feet away while a tired guy about Purple's age wonders up.

"Why does he look like Demon Brat?" Tired guy sounds grumpy and on edge.

"The LoA apparently made a new clone of me. This one seems defective. Simply trying to run away and escape when Black Bat and Spoiler spotted him watching father and I." The new people tense, and Danny fully ducks behind BB, while Damian continues, "He did not throw a single punch and showed true panic at being caught. As you can see, he's been glued to Cassandra's side since she calmed him down."

"Likelihood of this one trying to kill me?" Tired guy asks. "I'm tired of new siblings trying to kill me."

"Unlikely. Kid ran like a scared deer the whole time we were chasing him." Purple, no, Spoiler? reasures tired guy.

"Well, if you weren't so stabbable." There's a teasing tilt to his Template's voice. Danny kind of wants to know what THAT means, so he peeks curiously at them. Tired guy just looks more tired when their eyes meet.

"Damian and Jason both tried to kill me, multiple times." Tired guy explains with a tone that'd be more fitting for a conversation about a sibling stealing a favoured toy in the past, not admitted homicide attempts on one's life. Danny's eyes dart at blue guy and Damian, wondering if they'll try to kill him too. Tired guy frowns before asking, "Do you actually know who any of us are?"

There's a whole lot of squawking when Danny shakes his head no and just points to Damian. Damian is complaining about how little sense it makes to only tell Danny a kill order. Spoiler is embarrassed and complaining about not realizing. Bat dude is giving off embarrassed vibes, even if literally nothing changed in his stance or face. Blue guy, tired guy, and Cassandra all seem very amused, but blue guy is also stressed and tired guy is just resigned.

"Okay, so introductions. I'm Timothy Drake-Wayne, just call me Tim or Drake. My vigilante name is Red Robin." Tired guy says before pointing to each of the other people. "Stephanie Brown is Spoiler, call her Steph. Dick Grayson is Nightwing. Cassandra Caine is Black Bat, call her Cass. Bruce Wayne is Batman. Dam-"

"I am Damian Al Gul Wayne. I am the current Robin and the only blood son of Batman." Danny's Template cuts off Tim.

"Can't say you're the only blood son if we keep the clone," Tim teases and gets a knife thrown at him for it. He easily dodges it and continues talking to Danny. "There's also Jason Todd, who's not here right now. He's Red Hood. Barbara Gordon is our eye in the sky, better known as Oracle. Duke Thomas is Signal, he's our Day shift so he's asleep upstairs currently. And Alfred Pennyworth is the real head of the house and pseudo grandfather, even if he says he's just the family butler. There's more, but they're who you'll most like to interact with anytime soon."

Danny must look as overwhelmed as he feels because Dick(? Why is he named that?) steps closer, hands where Danny can see them. "You okay, little buddy? Do you have a name or something you want us to call you?"

Danny gives Damian, Steph, and Mr. Wayne a panicked look. Steph comes to his rescue.

"He can't speak. We're unsure why he can't, but he hasn't even tried to say anything. Only made a whining noise when Cass pinned him. We'd think it was another Cass situation, but he can understand everything we say."

"Oh.. Maybe he just never learned?" Dick wonders aloud before asking Danny, "About how old are you?"

Danny points to Damian. He's pretty sure his body is the same age as his Template's, who is about as old as Danny's whole existence. Unlike Dani, who was made slightly younger than Danny in body, but is currently only a year old in spirit.

"No, I mean, how long have you been alive?" Dick corrects gently. Danny blinks and figures the correct answer is how long his clone body has been alive. He can explain later when he can communicate better, if he feels safe enough to do so. He holds up 2 fingers. "2 years?"

There's grimaces when he shakes his head.

"2 months?" Danny cautious nods and startles when Steph gasps loudly.

"A Baby!" Danny pouts at that, but can't exactly refute it. He does move so Cass is more between them.

Cass unexpectedly decides to remove her creepy mask, making Danny stare in wide-eyed surprise at her short dark hair.

"Oh! The baby hasn't seen our faces yet!" Steph is delighted and pulls her own mask down. The rest of the group unmask, minus Tim, who's already in civilian clothes. Danny looks at them before circling Cass so he can see her. She's very pretty, some sort of Asian, and giving off happy and calm vibes. It reminds him a little of Jazz when they could just exist, no parents, school, or ghosts to worry about. It's nice. He likes that his new big sister has that peacefulness.

"You see?" Cass smiles and clarifies, "Language of body?"

Danny brightly nods. He had to learn to read body language or die the rest of the way. It wasn't a failure to read it that nearly got him killed.

"I'll teach you to read it even better and to hide your own." Danny is startled by Cass speaking a full sentence before he excitedly indicates he wants to show her something. He can see how absolutely horrified they all get when he slams his body language into the soulless husk both labs of horror he got stuck in wanted. He turns lifelessly to each person, taking in their reacts to it, only breaking character only when he turns back to Cass. He beams excitedly at her, wanting her opinion. "That was very good. Almost no one would be able to tell."

"I can see how the LoA wouldn't know you weren't like the others if you just behaved like that the whole time." Tim hums, seemingly more fascinated than horrified, unlike the rest. They look ready to jump him, so he goes back to hiding behind Cass, deciding right now that he's staying with Tim and/or Cass, until he either runs away or they're all more comfortable with each other.

"Be nice." He can hear the scowl she's giving everyone, but Tim. Tim edges closer with a fancy piece of technically that Danny's never seen before. It almost looks like a clipboard at first glance, but is clearly a sci-fi computer thingy. Danny noticed technology is far more advanced in this dimension, but hasn't had a chance to figure it out.

"Do you know how to work an ipad?" Tim doesn't give him a judgmental look when he shakes his head, just steps closer with clear intent to teach. "Okay, I'll show you. You can read, correct?"

Danny nods and cautiously steps towards Tim so he can see the device better. The others start to wonder off and change into civilian clothes while Tim gives him a crash course on everything Danny can do on this iPad. He does explain there's basically a child lock on it to keep Danny from accidentally going on an unsafe website. It's more for his safety as he learns. Danny accepts that reason, despite knowing that's definitely not the only one, because the other reasons don't matter. He's probably only going to be using it to look up everything he doesn't understand in this dimension and communicating with whoever is in front of him, at least for now. He feels a lot like a toddler with how out of his depth he is, which is honestly a good thing right now. Really sells the "I'm a harmless baby, protect me!" thing he has going on.

"Now that you can answer." Tim smiles a little, "Is there any you want to be called? It's okay if there isn't just yet. Finding your name can be difficult."

[Danny] Danny excitedly shows Tim.

"Danny? Not what I was expecting, but it suits you." Tim's easy acceptance is wonderful, too bad his Template ruins the moment.

"Absolutely not. You need a proper name. How about Daniel? Or maybe the arabic version? Danyal?" Danny throws his most disgusted face he can pull.

"That's a no." Tim sounds like he's barely concealing laughter.

"He needs a proper name. How about Dante?"

[It's better than Daniel, but I still don't like it.]

"How about we come back to this later? We can look up names that Danny can be a nickname for and he can pick from those once he's settled in." Tim basically orders when Damian opens his mouth. "Danny should shower. I'll grab him som-"

Danny grabs his sleeve. Cass isn't here, so Tim is his current security person. He doesn't feel safe with his Template yet.

"Nevermind, I'll get him showered. Could you grab him some clothes?" Tim adjusts to the quiet demand easily, glancing to Danny to ask. "Any idea of preference?"

Danny glances at the stiff outfit he's currently in before writing [Comfy?]

Tim nods and tells Damian, "You should snag one of Dick's hoodies and one of my fluffy pj pants. Alfred probably has some unused underwear somewhere with how many times a guest needed some."

Damian doesn't look pleased, but seems to follow Tim's lead. He does quizzically eye Danny one last time before he leaves. Tim gently leads Danny to what looks like a locker room. No one else is currently in there.

"I know he seems abrasive, but that was his version of trying to bond." Tim explains, "He's trying his best. Just say something if it's too much."

Danny nods and strips. Uncaring of Tim looking at him as he hops in the shower, he only seems to be checking for injuries, then he only glances over every once in a while to make sure "the baby" is cleaning himself properly and doesn't need help. He doesn't get any creepy vibes from the man. He's awfully familiar with the vibes to look out for since some of the scientists would bad touch him, claiming it's for science. It wasn't. Needless to say, being a labrat kind of murders shyness over being naked in cold blood.

Damian shows up with the clothes Tim requested when Danny is drying off. Danny makes sure to scribble a [Thank you!] and show it to him before taking the clothes.

"You are welcome."

"Alfred will be happy his newest grandchild comes with manners pre-installed." Tim jokes, and adds at Danny's curious glance. "The rest of us were feral. You'd think that I'd be an exception since I'm from high society, but I literally blackmailed my way into being Robin and then made a fake uncle to keep myself from being adopted."

Danny gives Tim an alarmed look, and Damian looks curious.

"Okay, so I used to stalk Batman and Robin every night because I lacked adult supervision. I was just taking pictures because I was a huge fan and had figured out who they were when I was 9. Then when I was 12, Jason died for a little bit." This makes Danny more alarmed, so Tim quickly adds. "He's alive and as well as he can be now, but he was Robin at the time, and Bruce, Bruce was devastated. He was taking it out on everyone. Purse snatchers were ending up in the ICU. So I first tried to get Dick to come back to Gotham, when they didn't work, I showed up on the doorstep with photographic evidence I knew everything and demanded I be Robin to keep him safe. I.. It was a rough time. He hated me with every fiber of his being for a while, but I couldn't let Batman die. We were partners, but not family by any stretch of the word. Then.. my parents died and I couldn't let him adopt me. I wasn't his son. I hadn't had an adult keeping track of me in years, hell, B barely tracked me as Robin, thinking it would make me stop. Jokes on him, I'm too stubborn."

"That's unfortunately true." Damian sounds exasperated.

"I hired an actor to pretend to be my fake uncle to keep Bruce from questioning my living situation. Clearly, that didn't last." Tim chuckles, "Steph compared me to a feral cat a lot during that time."

Danny has to pull up his (Dick's?) sleeves to use the iPad. [Are all of your lives so weird?]

"Unfortunately." Damian sighs, "Every single one of us has a different tale of how we came to be with Father."

"Kid, you're a defective clone that just escaped from a cult of assassins and are actively being adopted by the family of your target." Tim teases. "You fit in perfectly."

Danny flusters at that, but has nothing to say against it.

"I apologize if this is a sensitive issue, but I have to ask." Damian does look sorry. "Why don't you talk? I know a few of the Clones were instructed in the past to say things, so I was wondering why you can't."

[Never talked before. Don't know how to. Wasn't taught before mission. Tall lady didn't like my eyes and wanted me gone.]

"Tall lady? Probably Talia. But she didn't like your eyes? Why?" Tim tilts his head.

[Wrong color. Fading slowly to bluer color. Wasn't perfect copy anymore and getting less perfect by the day. Needed to die faster.]

"She wanted you to die because your eye colour?" Tim and Damian look shocked as Danny nods.

[Imperfections die. Barely good enough to be sent out instead of killed in lab.] Danny lays it on thick, but it wasn't untrue. He ended up seeing other "Imperfect" clones be terminated near the end of his stay.

"Well... actually, what colour do you think they'll end up? Now that I'm paying attention, I can see the difference. You think it's a result of whatever made you different?" Tim seems excited by the idea. Damian just looks thoughtful.

[Unsure. Changed from Damian's color to current in a month. Tall lady was very unhappy by it. Don't know why change happened.]

Danny suddenly yawns. He didn't get much sleep in the crate. Too scared to.

"Alright. We can talk more after you get some sleep."

"Alfred told me to tell you you're cut off from caffeine until you sleep a minimum of 6 hours, Drake." Damian looks a little too amused by Tim's despair over that news, before turning to Danny. "Your new room is next to Cassandra's. She apparently requested it while we were otherwise engaged."

Danny is delighted by the news, hugging his iPad to his chest. Tim and Damian lead him to his new room, pointing out things and whose room is who's while they walk. Danny's dazed look and slowly making a list of things to look up really sells his new role. He's also scared to even breathe on anything. Everything is so fancy.

"Getting you your own clothes and room decor will have to wait until tomorrow." Damian informs him apologetically before the brothers bid him goodnight. And Danny doesn't know what to do with that. He doesn't feel safe in this too nice room. So he grabs one of the pillows and the thin extra blanket at the foot of the bed before cramming himself under the bed. He curls up in a ball under the head, the end tables blocking the sides, making him feel safer.

He wakes the first day to Cass laying on the floor nearby, but not under the bed. It's a very weird day for him, but Tim, Cass, and his Template are very helpful and mostly non judgemental to the mess he is. He does find a moment to naturally "discover" his obsession with space. Thankfully, it turns out this dimensions space is so different that he doesn't have to pretend to be clueless. Everything is so different and Danny kind of loves it. He's gifted so much space themed shit and books on space and alien culture throughout the week, he has to fight to keep from glowing in his excitement. He knows they noticed, but let him pretend to be normal for a bit. It's harder to hide his inhumanity in this body, but he does his best.

Batfam incorrect quotes because I like to:

—

Bruce: Alfred, what do I do?

Damian: This is an issue...

De aged Dick: I told you I didn't want little siblings! D:<

De aged Jason, crying under a table with a batarang: I DON'T WANNA BE KIDNAPPED!

De aged Tim, staring at Bruce with big, wide eyes: :o

De aged Stephanie, tackling Dick:

—

Bruce: Alright, until Zatanna can get here, you're gonna need to be on your best behavior.

Stephanie: I want my Mom!

Stephanie, kicking Bruce's shins:

Bruce: I am so glad you're not my kid.

Dick, staring at a Nintento game card: Why's the game cartridge so small!?

Bruce: Oh, yeah, I forgot you grew up in the 90's... Um...

Tim, trying to eat said game card:

Bruce: Timothy Jackson Drake, no!

Tim, dropping it quickly and posing like a startled Red Panda: :o

Alfred, holding Jason by the scruff: Sir, master Jason attempted escape again.

Jason: I'm telling my Dad on you! He'll beat you up! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU! JUST YA WAIT, THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU FOREVER!

Bruce: Hrn, maybe I should've talked to Jason more about his birth parents when I got him...

Alfred: No Father is perfect, sir.

Stephanie: MY MOM SAYS EAT THE RICH!

Stephanie, taking a bite out of Bruce's hand:

—

Bruce: Look, I turned on a movie!

Dick: . . . Why is THE LION KING IN REAL LIFE!?

Bruce: It's live action—

Dick: KILL IT!

Tim, lifting a camera up slowly and snapping a picture of Bruce from a corner:

Bruce: !? Tim?! Where'd you get a camera!?

Tim, dropping to all fours and quietly crawling along the shadows to leave the room:

Bruce: . . . What?

Damian: Father, permission to be a tad bit suspicious of Tim's humanity?

Bruce: He didn't have any when I met him, now I think he might not be human.

—

Jason: I'M IN A BATMOBILE AND YOU'RE NOT!

Bruce, trying to open the door frantically: Jason Peter Todd get out of that car right this instance!

Jason: TAKE ME HOME!

Bruce: Jason, please, I'm not trying to kidnap you.

Jason: I WANT MY MOM!

Tim, popping up from the back seats to climb into the passenger seat and snap a photo of Bruce, desperately struggling to get inside the bat mobile:

Jason: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, shrugging:

Jason: . . . YOU'RE WEIRD!

Dick, running around in Stephanie's Robin uniform: BATMAN, NANANANANANANA!!!

Stephanie, squealing as she swings Tim's bō staff around:

Damian, chasing after them both: ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU! YOU ARE ACTING CHILDISH!

Jason, crying: I want my Mooooom.

Tim, turning on the radio, gasping when it works: :o

—

Dick, glaring at a laptop: That's not normal. Why'd you flatten the computer?! WHAT IS THAT THING ON IT!?

Bruce: It's a laptop, and that's internet, and I'm trying to contact Lucius to inform him neither Tim or I will be there for work today.

Damian: Must I go to school? This seems like a family emergency.

Dick: I don't wanna go to school either!

Tim, dropping from an air vent onto the floor, landing face first like a limp rag doll:

Bruce: OH MY GOD!?

Tim, coughing once before picking himself up and snapping a picture of Bruce:

Bruce: . . . I need to get Tim tested.

Damian: For?

Bruce, watching as Tim waddles away: Everything.

—

Stephanie: This place is to big, my Dad would never let me stay at a place this fancy.

Jason: We're being human trafficked!

Stephanie: I dunno, that guy hasn't tried anything.

Jason: Them why do you keep bitin' and kickin' 'im?

Stephanie: I just like to.

Tim:

Jason: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, lifting up a blank, thick, white binder, flipping it open to reveal page after page of pictures of both Bruce and Batman, as well as Dick and Robin:

Stephanie: What's that?

Tim: Batman.

Jason: YOU CAN SPEAK!?

Tim: . . . Wanna hear me talk about Batman?

Stephanie:

Jason:

Both: Sure.

Tim, big gasp: :O

—

Dick, swinging from a chandelier, singing: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Bruce, sipping from a mug of coffee: I'm glad I got those reinforced...

Tim, taking a picture:

Bruce: . . . Are you hungry?

Tim:

Bruce: You... You haven't eaten.

Tim:

Bruce: . . . Alfred, can you contact Cass? She might be able to communicate with Tim.

Alfred: Right away, sir.

—

Cass: Hi, Tim.

Tim:

Cass: What am I meant to do?

Bruce: Communicate with him..?

Cass: . . . How?

Bruce: You know body language better than I do.

Cass: He seems neutral.

Bruce: I don't think his facial expression has changed once.

Cass: What?

Bruce: Unless blinking counts.

Tim, looking at Bruce: I know what you are.

Tim, waddling off:

Cass: Why was he scarier as a child?

Bruce: The only one who wasn't terrifying as a child was Tim.

Jason, running through the halls with a bucket on his head, right into a wall: Oof!

Bruce: . . . And Jason.

—

Stephanie: You're pretty.

Cassandra: Thank you.

Stephanie: Why is there so many boys here?

Cassandra: Men usually have a harder time dealing with complex emotions and so are more likely to turn to violence to cope, hence why Bruce became Batman. As for Tim, Dick, and Jason? They ended up with Bruce and inherited his... Coping mechanisms.

Stephanie: . . . What?

Cassandra: . . . Want to go hang out at our girls only club?

Stephanie: YES!

—

Babs: Permission to ask?

Cass, braiding Stephanie's hair: No.

Stephanie, eating a king sized Hershey bar, looking like Kirby as she opens her mouth to consume it whole:

—

Bruce: Alright, I had to bribe Alfred with a months vacation, but...

Bruce, putting down two big bags of McDonald's:

Dick: MCDONALD'S!!!!

Tim, snapping a picture:

Jason: Is it drugged?

Bruce: No more than Gotham's food usually is. I got you a Wonder Woman toy.

Dick: I WANT SUPERMAN! :D

Bruce: You got Superman.

Jason: Hm . . . Bribe accepted, but only because if you try to hurt me I'm gonna tell the cops your Batman and get you arrested for forever.

Bruce, knowing damn well Jason hates the police and ain't no snitch: That's fine.

Jason, digging into a bag instantly:

Tim:

Bruce: Uh...

Bruce, slowly lifting a French fry between two fingers:

Tim, eating it from Bruce's fingers before waddling away:

Bruce: . . .

Dick: Wait, isn't that our neighbor?

Jason, lifting his toy in the air: WONDER WOMAN!!!

Dick: Wanna make her fight my Superman!?

Jason: HELL YEAH!

—

Bruce: Alright, Zatanna will be here in an hour. Thank god.

Dick: Is she gonna make us grown ups again?

Bruce: Yes.

Dick: YAY! NO MORE SCHOOL!

Jason: But I like school! Can I still go to school as a grown up?

Bruce: Uh... Of course, Jay, lad.

Jason: YES! EDUCATION! I can't wait to graduate again! :D

Bruce: uhhhh...

Tim: I ate the game card.

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce:

—

BONUS:

*Tim and Bernard, sitting in a hospital room*

Bernard: How'd you get a Stardew Valley Nintendo switch game stuck in your large intestine?

—

Anyone got any good Jason-centric batfam fanfic recs? I've run out of fics to read TT

Bro i started reading into the origins of Batman and its creation and it’s actually pissing me off. Fuck Bob Kane. Like genuinely. BATMAN WAS NOT HIS I DONT FUCKING CARE

OMFG I FOUND IT!!!!!! THIS IS THE POST THAT GOT ME INTO DC!!!!!!

They’re not allowed to get interviewed anymore

I love the hc of clark having a massive very obvious crush/in love with Bruce...but what happen Bruce having the obvious crush/in love with clark. More like in love bc at this stage of their friendship Bruce just wants to dive into Clark's pants like a wild animal.

Clark: *talking about a mission off world*

Bruce: *on the inside* omg!!! His curl is extra curly today!!! And his eyes are so blue!!! Omg he's looking at me!!!

Clark: what do you think, B?

Bruce *inner bruce: omg he called me b again!!!* yes, we can always contact the lanterns-

But funny enough his kids clock him so fast and start making fun of him off the bat that Bruce starts to regret ever having adopt them.

Clark: *talking with zatanna normally, at a normal social distance*

Bruce: *glaring a different glare because why are they so close*

Dick: you do know that they aren't flirting?

Bruce: I don't know what you referring to.

Dick: riiiiight and you glaring at zatanna like a jealous girlfriend is totally normal.

Bruce: nightwing, I think you seeing things

Dick: and I think you should suck his dick.

Jason: *passes by Bruce who's reading the daily planet's clark article* jesus lord why don't you just fuck him once and for all??

Bruce: jason!

Jason: like you are obsessing over him like u do with a case!!! You even have superman merch on your bedroom!! Damn you always put monitor duty just you two!! Just fuck!! Make him my step dad already!!

Bruce: *too speechless and glad that Jason sees him as his dad* wait how do you know I have superman merch??

Jason: your history tab ain't that anonymous.

Damian: father please just ask uncle clark on a date, this is getting ridiculous!

Bruce: *making heart eyes at clark while he's interview a random celebrity in their gala* I think you are seeing things damian, I do not like clark that way.

Damian: yeah and batcow is a bull. Please, father, you are being an embarrassment by denying such obvious statement.

(Plz if someone knows a fic like this, plz plz plz share)

Superbat omegaverse (I like this fight me) where Bruce (it doesn't matter if he's an omega or an alpha) is called mom by his kids from the day one. It started with Dick as a joke, but it stayed and was passed down. It was even like a sign for when his kids were mad at Bruce, they would call his name instead of mom. When Jason came back, it took him a while to get him to call Bruce mom again, but when he did he felt the happiness seeping through their family bond.

So when clark was finally part of the family, things started to happen. Clark as always been there ever since identities were shown, and even before when batman and superman were just that. Clark was like their cool uncle, and the one that gives them hugs.

It was, surprisingly, damian who made the first slip up.

Damian: mother, can you sign this paper that the school sent?

Bruce: what's that about?

Damian: nothing that is important, the teacher asked it to be signed.

Bruce: Damian I won't sign something that I don't know what it is.

Damian: *looking incredulous and turning towards clark* Father can you signed it?

*Bruce and clark not saying anything about the title*

Clark: s-sure damian, I can do it.

And from then on they slowly start referring clark as father, bc they saw how he became a permanent figure in their life and how better Bruce seemed with clark now. So now Bruce and Clark are Mom and Dad in the manner.

The various stages of roy and jason relationship by the batfam + clark.

(I'm hyper fixating in this ship I'm sorry)

Denial

Jason: me and roy are dating.

Damian: what kind of joke is this, jason?!?!

Jason: it's real, demon brat.

Damian: I refuse to believe that someone related to me committed such atrocity by fornicating with such individual!

Jason: what?

Damian: I think you should start finding funnier jokes, jason.

Anger

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Dick: Wft?!?! Why is my friend who's older than you dating a child?!?!

Jason: this feels familiar

Dick: is he threatening you?!?! Omg I'm going to beat the shit out of him right now!

Jason: stop, please, keep those weapons away!

Dick: I'm going to kill you roy harper!

Bargaining

Jason: me and roy are dating.

Tim: are you sure that's your choice?

Jason: what?

Tim: *pulls a folder out of nowhere* I have hundred better options than roy. Here this one has a pharmaceutical company and is a bottom.

Jason: yall are crazy.

Depression

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Bruce: Oliver's kid?!?!

Jason: yeah

Bruce: *tears up a bit* my small child is dating a queen kid??

Jason: I'm a grown man!?!?

Bruce: *head in hands* my small child is with a disappointment.

Jason: this is getting ridiculous!

Acceptance

Jason: I'm dating roy.

Alfred and clark: *look at each other*

Alfred: is this recent?

Jason: it's been six months.

Clark: does he makes you happy?

Jason: *blushing a little* yeah

Alfred: well then, master jason, please bring him over for dinner next Friday, I'd like to meet the one that makes my grandson happy.

Clark: *nodding* yeah I wanna meet this roy!

Jason: *tearing up* tHanK YoU

HEADCANON

Bruce and the kids saving a coin for every time Dick changes lovers is my new headcanon. They all agreed that the money saved will be given to the one lover that stays more than one year with Dick.

Kori was an almost winner. Bruce liked her, and the kids also warmed up to her, altho damian took longer bc of his suspicion agaisnt aliens. She helped Dick in many ways and kept him out of too much trouble and she was caring. But that one lastes 11 months and 15 days (tim keeps count).

Then the jar kept filling and Wally arrived, but no one had hope for it, although they were best friends for a long while and still going strong after Wally came back from Speedforce.

It was tim (the one regulating everything) that announced at dinner that Dick and Wally had been dating for one year and 3 months.

Dick: why?!?!?!

Jason: *walks back with a jar full of money and gives it to wally* congrats wally!!

Dick: WHATS HAPPENING?!??

Bruce: well, dick, some years ago we decided to save money for every lover u had.

Tim: and we agreed that the money would go to the one that lasted more than one year.

Duke: we saved a lot of money for that, u kept changing lovers, jesus.

Cass: I had hope in kori.

*batfam nodding along with Cass statement*

Wally: may I ask how much money is in here?

Tim: 1000 dollars.

Wally: *looks at dick* idk if I should be jealous or worried.

Dick: please don't, okay.

Somehow Wally also saw that as a reward and a challenge that they would not break for a long time.

I really like the hc of Bruce giving star stickers for those who behaved well (as well as they can be) and taking them if they misbehave, the kids make a competition out of it and make fun of those who lost a star.

Bruce: this week's stars goes to...

Batkids: *all looking at Bruce*

Bruce: Dick, Tim and Cass.

Damian: Father! I do not approve of such thing!

Bruce: you don't have to approve anything damian. Dick did a great work in Blüdhaven and didn't threaten more than 3 people, Tim completed his homework and helped me Crack two cases without any stalker tactics, and Cass helped Alfred bake which was very sweet.

Jason: I don't understand the rules to receive a star, but I'm with demon brat.

Duke: *raising his hand along with stephs* we didn't do anything wrong!

Bruce: you skipped patrol the whole week.

Steph: I was busy!

Bruce: *adding the stars to their cards* no you weren't, you were just lazy. *turns towards Jason and damian* you two do get one star taken away.

Damian: unbelievable! Father I will not allow it!

Jason: I behaved pretty well this week in my opinion.

Bruce: you threaten every villain we saw, waved your gun around like a maniac and had to be stopped twice from using the crowbar.

Jason: like I said pretty well behaved.

But this also extents to Sups. Clark has little stars that he gives batman when the man passed a whole JL meeting without insulting, indirect insulting and looking condescendingly or glaring at someone. He also has them taken away when he did those things.

Bruce: that wasn't a glare, I was merely looking.

Clark: B u scared Bart for the third time this week, and yes that was a glare.

Bruce: *crossing his arms* I think you are being unfair about this thing.

Clark: I'm sorry Bruce, but I have to take a star from you today.

Bruce: no.

Clark: *raising a brow* no?

Bruce: *starting to lightly jog away from clark* no! It's my star!

Clark: Bruce come back here!

I feel like Dick, Jason (or Tim) ans Duke would pretend to be power Rangers bc of their colors.

They would land next to Batman and perform a series of poses and say "I command the power of everything blue, Power Ranger Blue!" One by one just to be annoying.

Yeah batfam shenanigans