Dad - Blog Posts

Broken from the sart

"Tonight honey, I'm gonna break your heart, mine was broken from the start" sings Jon Foreman. I've always been wondering  what it really means. The most obvious and seemingly most at-hand answer was something about love and break-ups. I thought I had nothing to do with it because I live in a very merry relationship and I have no reason to actbroken.

This simple line, however, uncovers something I am born into. But not only me, I'm convinced it's the same with almost all of us. What I'm talking about here is a mere detection of a common state of life. In fact I've heard of this so much, that I've even grown accustomed to it. It's the cycle. The cycle of what my heritage is...

Recently I created a huge deficit to my family, unconsciously and unintended. To be able to pay for this, my father had to give up few of his plans for the summer. I understood, that he was mad at me, this is alright after the monetary loss. But you know, what he kept saying was somewhat misled and unjust. He said I'm not grown-up, I'm a child, I can't make good decisions and I need supervision. Well, I am an adult in every aspect, though I moved back in with my parents because they live close to the university I'm in... Anyway, I tried to reason with him and be generous, so I offered to pay it all back and then came thebest: he said I cannot give him money I didn't get from him and I won't have a salary at least in the coming five years. (Momentarily I don't have a paying job, that's true, but I put up my pricey bow for sale, for which I worked very ardently a couple of years ago) I told my dad (with the hint of sarcasm, I admit), that it's improbable, that I wouldn't get a job soon. Then he started shouting and I lost interest...

First thought: this man's a fool, it was a wrong decision to move in with them, when I get paid for my book, I'll leave. But you know, this is it. I know my father had a very narcistic and controlling father. I know he tries very hard to be a good parent, though he never had a grown-up son. He might've simply reacted so strangely because of his anger and pain, I don't know. And really, this whole thing, this fighting and hurting penetrates through my family-line. I am predestined to be broken. I am predestined by my father, and his father and his father and so on. I heard countless family stories, how the fathers hurt and betrayed their sons. All differently. My father tries to do good but it comes out all wrong because he was broken from the start, and he didn't even know it... But I do. I now know and understand it. The question is, whether I break the cycle, or simply try hard, like my dad does...

And then, isn't it somewhat universal? Aren't we all coming up with secret burdens? Why do we see faulted and wounded people everywhere? And ultimately: what does it mean to break this cycle? I'm not giving you answers because this is not an open argument, it's just a pile of questions...

Randomness rules!

knowing I can’t cvt cuz I’m going to my dads house and he’ll get mad if I always wear bracelets ( not bec he’s worried for me because he’s a narcissist and wants 100% control over me)

Dad. I wish you were better. I wish it didn’t hurt when I see things like this. I was I wasn’t afraid of doing it to other people.

US AGAINST THE WORLD by Gavin Aung Than

This is the third appearance of the Ballet Boy and his father. You can read PART 1 and PART 2.

I had my father get sick when I was 22. And I was poor, alright. And my father had an ulcer, and it exploded and you know all these toxins get in your blood. And basically, my father died, whatever, 50 days after his ulcer. So I had a father get sick while I was poor. My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know… I don’t really want to get into it, but my mother was sicker than my father. And my mother’s alive. My mother’s fine, OK? I remember going to the hospital to see my mother and wondering, ‘Was I in the right place?’ Like, this was a hotel. Like it had a concierge, man. People don’t… if the average person really knew the discrepancy in the health care system, there’d be riots in the streets, OK? They would burn this motherfucker down!”

Chris Rock [video]

Bringing this back, because some people don’t seem to understand that there is a discrepancy in the quality of care among poor, middle-class, and wealthy people, NO MATTER HOW DEBILITATING THEIR RESPECTIVE DISEASES MAY BE.

(via cgdageek)

Forever reblog. 

(via missgingerlee)

I'm Just Going to Rant

Let me be the first to lay my hand on the "White-Girl Bible" and say "I Can't Even." I miss my fucking family. I want a cigarette. And dear god I miss sleeping. Why can't drugs and alcohol cure the memories and all the bad situations. I want to be thinner. Yet, I want to eat all the food my heart desires without a tummie ache. I can't hear my own thoughts anymore. It feels like I can't even escape to the privacy of my head. I feel as if I have no privacy. I'm sick of people not listening. And I'm sick of being tired. And also tired of being sick. I want the love again. I want the freedom to say "yes" and the freedom to say "no." I feel as if I don't have a choice anymore. I don't want to fall victim to someone else's will. Doesn't my opinion matter? Or does the fact that I have a vagina prohibit me from having an opinion. I hate skipping school. But I hate the way school makes me want to hurl myself off a cliff. I'm scared to look in mirrors anymore. I want to be pretty. I'm tired of seeing a sad girl who doesn't like anything about herself. I miss being called beautiful. I miss my Dad. I wish people didn't joke about suicide. I wish people understood. I can't handle anyone's "problems" anymore. I just can't relate to them. My life is a fucking plane crash: awful, messy, and burning everyone alive. Why should I have to trade my confidence for love? Shouldn't being loved make you confident? I can't do this.

yooo I’m destroyed today but after years I might have found some sketchers/inkers that feel natural to my hand and I had to try them a bit this is for the anon that asked for some Johnny, I guess it’s time to get familiar with this brain squatter

(I’m on hellsite twt too! https://twitter.com/CaffeineRogue/status/1385043109747298306)

Theory: clocks restrain the passage of time, most efficiently while you are looking at one, but even just having a clock handy to keep checking slows things enough. One day, your phone dies so you can't check the time before and after you shower to know how long it took. You exit the shower and find that everything has evolved into crabs. Based on a true story (something like this happened to me on Thursday).

Potato - Dad's Kentucky Home Fries Golden-brown fried potatoes made with bacon drippings and sweet Vidalia onion. Leftovers keep well in the fridge for a microwave breakfast on the go. For an East Coast twist, add diced green pepper.

-When you hoose to lie to Gaster Doggo. It might have not been your brightest idea..

This is a fanart for @readaftertale cause well..

1) I love the story, characters and art style !!

And 2) Well, i didn’t saw any fanart of the big dog yet ! xD

My dad in this sweet coat. Christmas 1972. Memphis, TN.

My father in 1976, either trying to take a proto-selfie or trying to set up the timer. Memphis, TN.

Obviously I did ^^ 

Well, this illustration has straight connection to my acid summer trip three months ago.

And these two weeks I feel really anxious, so pattern here is not acid at all, but nervous mostly ) 

dandad book

my dad went to the store to get cords for our trailer and then came back with a piano. not a keyboard but a piano. a wooden piano. an actual piano. we already have a piano. 

It's kind of rude but as a daughter, don't you just sometimes look at your dad and think 'how did this man hook up my mom'

Happy Father’s Day... too complex a story to post oveHeah! But this was my #dad 25 years ago #fathersday #2018 #dominicanshit #loveyou

Dawktrap Annoying Dawko [CHRISTMAS SPECIAL] | Animation

*Screams*

Watch on YT: https://youtu.be/3GavMQav8xU

Thumbnail ^^

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My dad: Mike Birbiglia has a new comedy special. Wanna watch it?

Me: Yeah sure!

My dad: Wait I feel like we’ve already seen this one. Who’s the other one who’s a man-child?

Me: John Mulaney?

My dad: Yeah, him.

A LETTER TO MY DAD