Chuuya: If we were together every day, all day, if we slept together, if we woke up together and if we ate together what would we be?
Dazai: A master and his dog?
Chuuya:
Chuuya: NO.
Chuuya: Okay, listen... We just gotta stop hanging out with geniuses because you're gonna figure out that I'm really stupid.
Dazai: What? Don't worry about that.
Chuuya: *smiling* Hmm?
Dazai: I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
Chuuya: *contemplating murder*
Chuuya: Osamu, I'm in love with you.
Dazai: I'm sorry, what? Since when?
Chuuya: Idk, it just happened.
Dazai: How? You think I'm annoying.
Chuuya: You are.
Dazai:
Chuuya: It's one of your most endearing qualities.
Dazai, about Chuuya: Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, you want to get fucked by a short ginger.
Ango: 🤦♂️
Odasaku: Please stop talking.
Chuuya: When I have a crush I don't kick my feet or twirl my hair. Chuuya: Instead I am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just can't crack.
Chuuya: what the fuck are you looking at?
Dazai, on the inside: You’re so beautiful and I'm so in love with every part of you. The curve of your mouth when you laugh while you're having a good fight. How you stand leaning on your side with your hands in your pocket. The way your hair shines like the sun and how you always blush when I get too close. I’m so lucky to have you. You are the greatest person I’ve ever met and I will never regret meeting you. I would find you and love you in every lifetime.
Dazai, out loud: You got shorter.
*singer!Chuuya au*
Interviewer: Do you ever hear from your exs after you release a song about them?
Chuuya: Well some of them like to write really long emails.
Interviewer: Oh really?
Chuuya: Hm. The guys when I break up with them are like, "You better not write a song about this!"
Chuuya: and I'm like, "No, I wont."
Interviewer:
Chuuya: and then I do.
Interviewer:
Interviewer: Have your ever written a song it was so mean you couldn't release it?
Chuuya: No, I just put those on my albums.
Chuuya: Here's the thing. So I've known for a while now that Dazai has a little crush on me...
Kouyou: A little crush?
Chuuya:
Kouyou: Well, I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.
Chuuya: Yeah, I don't rlly know who they are...and I don't care, so listen...
Chuuya: The point is Dazai isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.
Kouyou: Darling, Dazai isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with...
Chuuya: *gets down on one knee*
Dazai, also getting down on his knees: What are we looking for?
Chuuya, who had been reaching for the ring in his pocket: Dude...
Dazai: I’m an excellent driver.
Chuuya: You almost ran over a woman by accident.
Dazai, remembering how that woman smiled at Chuuya flirtatious: Ah yes… by accident… yes.