Good Morning.

good morning.

i am just so confused. i can’t talk about it to anyone because i was asked not to but i am not sure what to do. it’s frustrating? i think.

i wrote a song. i was so nervous yesterday i wrote it before the call. it’s called “— goodbye.” i’m trying to give it like a cigarettes after sex vibe i think. here are the lyrics:

the room is spinning

you don’t know me at all

but still, you’re giving me a chance

one more second chance

you know you haunt me

you found the letters buried in my room

years have passed

i never thought id see you again

now i know i won’t

because i’ve said goodbye

i mean it this time

we’re strangers once again

i realize i’ve molded myself into

the person you would’ve wanted

i wonder if that means you’ll haunt me forever

they say you never forget your first true love

perhaps i’ll be carrying you with me

i’ve forgotten your voice

the one i used to know

the one that loved me so

i’m glad you’ve changed

i can’t mourn a ghost that’s not there

i’m glad i said goodbye

because i meant it this time

we’ll always be strangers

and when i lay in bed at night

wishing i had someone to love me again

i’ll remember all you taught me

and understand love comes naturally

not from force

i won’t worry about what could’ve been

only what could still be

i’ve always seen the world from eyes

that search for the reason “why?”

i’ve waited and waited for a chance like this

but now that it’s over

it’s time to say goodbye.

it’s just a draft of course. id like to add some things and make it more coherent. the way i write is just word vomit on a page. i posted the instrumental on my twitter.

i changed the album list again. took off some songs that i just didn’t like. they were pretty negative anyway.

i haven’t heard from the others in days and i’m not quite sure why. my head feels quiet.

other than that, i feel free. it’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest. i don’t know how to feel about it or if i should feel anything.

i think i like having a diary.