*friends Car Is Locked*

your outie has the serial killer genes. your outie dropped out in the fourth grade to run drugs to support their nanna. your outie fought a friggin bear. your outie is weird, they're a weirdo. please try to enjoy each fact equally. your outie always has a stupid hat on.

This shared memory was surreal I had to share it

so my sister's dog is very very wary around new people, barking and circling and hiding behind furniture, and i haven't seen this dog in 3 years since before i transitioned. i.e. i went from futch aunt to bald james flint, so i'm like, ah shit, i'll have to introduce myself to this dog all over again.

so im sitting on the ground very non-threateningly as The Creature is circling with her tail between her legs. and then i remember something the adoption agency told me when i first adopted my blind dog, Loki. they said "talk to him ALL THE TIME!! dogs learn who people are by the way their breath smells! nobody knows that."

so i think. Oh, excellent. and I grab The Creature by the face, pull her toward me, and blow air straight into her nose.

AND IT FUCKING WORKED.

her mouth opened into this big old smile and she immediately started wagging her tail like "oh, it's you! Hi! sorry. something changed, but idk it doesn't matter anymore" and she was an unstoppable cuddle bug aftter that.

anyway psa if you've transitioned and are visiting a dog who you once knew, breathe on their face.

plant pals

How it Started...

...And How it Ended

Who would win: Person who has auditory processing issues vs. somebody who doesn't know basic vocabulary and explains everything with twice as many words as necessary with 50% less precision.

right now, somewhere in the world, there is a beautiful person scrolling tumblr.

tragically though, this beautiful person has a headache. their head hurts.

this is very unfair to them. they are very pretty, but for no reason their head is hurting.

if you know of anybody scrolling tumblr right now, who might have a bit of a headache, please ask them to take an ibuprofen, drink some water, do whatever might make them feel better.

it is tragic that such a beautiful person has a headache. the world is a vampire. I can only hope that this message may reach them

the wikipedia article main image for Davy Jones’s Locker is simultaneously a mood and yet utterly classifiable

check out this nonsense 

Quick reminder that it's always morally correct to punch nazis.