Time Flies

It’s strange isn’t it. I love being alone but hate being lonely

List of My Fictional Crushes

Edmund Pevensie - The Chronicles of Narnia

Peter Parker (Spiderman) - Marvel

Harry Potter - Harry Potter

Ginny Weasley - Harry Potter

George Weasley - Harry Potter

Madame Lefoux - Parasol Protectorate

Suki - ATLA

Bolin - LOK

Haruhi Fujioka - OHSHC

Tamaki Suoh - OHSHC

Kyoya Ootori - OHSHC

Kaoru Hitachiin - OHSHC

Pidge Gunderson (Katie Holt) - Voltron

Newt - The Maze Runner

Angus Macgyver - Macgyver

Dipper Pines - Gravity Falls

Lloyd Garmadon - Ninjago

Luz Noceda - The Owl House

Klaus Baudelaire - A Series of Unfortunate Events

Riley Poole - National Treasure

Kirishima Eijirou - BNHA

Midoriya Izuku - BNHA

Doubt

I think everyone underestimates just how bad doubt is. Doubt makes you wonder if your friends even care about you. Doubt makes you wonder if your family is annoyed with you. Doubt makes you think you’re not good enough.

It hurts and the source of all that pain is doubt.

Does he...?

There was a time I got my heart broken by a friend. Not an extremely close friend but a friend nonetheless. The words just came out of my mouth and I ran. We never talked about it but our mutual friend said he didn’t like me like that. So I pretended it never happened and never let him see me cry over him.

I don’t like him like that anymore and haven’t seen him in forever but I wonder if he thinks about that sometimes. Does he regret how things happened? Does he feel bad for breaking my heart? I don’t blame him for it and I know now that he could never have feelings for me but still. I know he cared about me.

Does he even remember? I don’t know if that would be good or bad

Loneliness

Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts

Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.

And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.

It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.

It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.

Family

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with all my heart but sometimes I just need to get away from them. I feel bad but it’s hard being around anyone all the time. I just need time to recharge.

Noticed

I write on tumblr as a way to speak without being noticed personally and it’s nice. I can state honest opinions and preferences. But today one of my favorite authors liked one of my posts and wow just wow! I was so excited and happy! I felt noticed but in a good way.

Crushes

I never used to get a lot of crushes, a few sure but I never really paid attention to people I didn’t really know. But ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been stuck at home all the time, by myself. Now I get crushes all the time. 

The cashier girl telling me my dress is pretty=crush. Random guy at the library=crush. Classmates I know nothing about on Zoom=crush

And the fictional crushes are just as bad! Books, movies, tv shows it doesn’t matter, I’ll meet a character and crush instantly. I’m so starved for human affection that I’m developing all these crushes. My poor bi heart can’t take it!

Oblivious

You ever had the feeling when someone tells you something and it changes the way you thought about something?

Today I visited my grandmother and she asked about a boy I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. She tells me that she thought we would have ended up together because she knew he liked me. She said he always tried to talk to me but I never did. That’s not how I remembered things.

We used to be friendly but I thought he always teased me over everything. He would say things to annoy me but most of the time he just didn’t talk to me as far as I knew. In fact, I thought he didn’t want to be around me. The only thing I could think of that said he might of liked me was when his friend asked me to the dance for him. Actually multiple times over the years, but he always said his friend was joking and he didn’t want to go before I answered.

That’s clear evidence he didn’t like me, right?

She put it in my head though. What if it was true? Am I that oblivious? I watch tv shows all the time and complain how a person can be so oblivious to miss that another character likes them. Am I as bad as that?

A Little Happiness

You know sometimes things can feel really bad. Sometimes there doesn’t feel that there’s anything to be happy about. It seems like there’s no one there. But don’t forget to have hope because you never know when someone will send a text and brighten up your day. Just a little piece of happiness