Does He...?

Loneliness

Sometimes I feel so alone that it hurts

Most of my friendships have faded to the point where they don't even bother replying to me anymore. It hurts.

And it feels so hard to make friends without friends. I hate going to places where you meet new people like parties or clubs by myself. I just feel too out of place.

It's not like I can't talk to people, there are a good number of people that I could say I'm friendly with but it's like I don't exist outside that specific context. I can't count any of those people as a real friend.

It's not like I'm just going to start going more places to meet people so I don't know why I even complain. "If we want the rewards of being loved, we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" but I'm not sure I can get over that fear.

Choice

They say that the person who cares the least has the power and that must be true. It sucks. The people I care about, I care so deeply for but it’s always more than they care about me. Sometimes I’m the only one reaching.

It may be really selfish but I wish there was someone who would choose me. Someone who cares as much about me as I do for them.

Group Projects Suck

Group projects can be so awful sometimes. I had to work with a partner on a big project and we worked really hard on it. Our paper, slides, and video presentation were awesome and my partner said she had submitted our presentation since only one of us had to and I believed her.

Why did I believe her? Now, two days after the deadline I was scrolling through the presentations looking at the other ones and ours isn’t there! Two days after the submission is locked. I have no idea what happened. It was probably a miscommunication but why didn’t I check for myself. This is worth an entire letter grade. Trust but verify.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, probably plead my case to the teacher Monday morning but I have no clue how she’ll react. At least we turned in the paper part of the project separately so that’s on time at least.

Still it’s just so frustrating!

And all my days are trances, And all my nightly dreams Are where thy grey eye glances, And where thy footstep gleams— In what ethereal dances, By what eternal streams.

Edgar Allan Poe

To One in Paradise

Why I Love Halloween

It’s the one day of the year where you can dress as anything

It’s the one day of the year where you can truly become someone else

it’s the one day of the year where you see other’s creativity and interests

It’s the one day of the year where it’s fun to be scared

And did I mention CANDY!!!!

List of My Fictional Crushes

Edmund Pevensie - The Chronicles of Narnia

Peter Parker (Spiderman) - Marvel

Harry Potter - Harry Potter

Ginny Weasley - Harry Potter

George Weasley - Harry Potter

Madame Lefoux - Parasol Protectorate

Suki - ATLA

Bolin - LOK

Haruhi Fujioka - OHSHC

Tamaki Suoh - OHSHC

Kyoya Ootori - OHSHC

Kaoru Hitachiin - OHSHC

Pidge Gunderson (Katie Holt) - Voltron

Newt - The Maze Runner

Angus Macgyver - Macgyver

Dipper Pines - Gravity Falls

Lloyd Garmadon - Ninjago

Luz Noceda - The Owl House

Klaus Baudelaire - A Series of Unfortunate Events

Riley Poole - National Treasure

Kirishima Eijirou - BNHA

Midoriya Izuku - BNHA

Doubt

I think everyone underestimates just how bad doubt is. Doubt makes you wonder if your friends even care about you. Doubt makes you wonder if your family is annoyed with you. Doubt makes you think you’re not good enough.

It hurts and the source of all that pain is doubt.

Oblivious

You ever had the feeling when someone tells you something and it changes the way you thought about something?

Today I visited my grandmother and she asked about a boy I haven’t talked to in a couple of years. She tells me that she thought we would have ended up together because she knew he liked me. She said he always tried to talk to me but I never did. That’s not how I remembered things.

We used to be friendly but I thought he always teased me over everything. He would say things to annoy me but most of the time he just didn’t talk to me as far as I knew. In fact, I thought he didn’t want to be around me. The only thing I could think of that said he might of liked me was when his friend asked me to the dance for him. Actually multiple times over the years, but he always said his friend was joking and he didn’t want to go before I answered.

That’s clear evidence he didn’t like me, right?

She put it in my head though. What if it was true? Am I that oblivious? I watch tv shows all the time and complain how a person can be so oblivious to miss that another character likes them. Am I as bad as that?

Noticed

I write on tumblr as a way to speak without being noticed personally and it’s nice. I can state honest opinions and preferences. But today one of my favorite authors liked one of my posts and wow just wow! I was so excited and happy! I felt noticed but in a good way.

Time flies

Where has all the time gone

All my friends are out getting engaged and I’m sitting at home with my dog

At least I’ll get to be a bridesmaid