You Know What? Truth. I Rescind My Disclaimer.

Genuine question: why do I startle people constantly?

Like I feel like I’m living my life, being polite, but also scaring people all the time for some reason.

Examples:

I’m pretty sure it’s polite to wait for someone to finish talking to interject, so I wait off to the side till there’s a break, but whenever I interject they startle.

I will go to say good morning to someone who is sitting, go to do smth, then come and actually say hi and they jump

People will be chatting or taking wayyyyy to long to look at smth and I wanna see smth nearby so I stay in eye/ear-shot but go look at smth else but when I return it is somehow surprising and startling

….

Y’all I don’t get it. I vocally stim like all the time, so I don’t feel like I’m a particularly quiet person, but I just don’t interrupt people? And somehow I startle like 5 people on a daily basis. Help me

Parents: why do u always want your hair so short and in such a specific cut?

The characters in shows I watched growing up:

Hands are still

Thoughts are soft

Smooth clay hills

Copper lofts

Amber skies and

Still damp grass

Glowing sand

Dim lit paths

Green grey trees

And little lights

Dancing bees

Pleasant nights

All these things

A little more

Give you wings

Let you soar

Through the ice

Through the dark

To your heights

Like a lark

All the thoughts

Rolling in

On your walks

With the din

Of a day

Long ago

You will say

That you know

Has no price

When you see

Such a nice

Memory.

There is a very specific and painful uncomfortable infuriating frustrating dreadful sad feeling of desire, when you care so much about something, and you just want to tell someone about it.

To take a character and make someone else care about them they way you do

To show someone how fascinating a topic is

To demonstrate how intricate a story is, how intertwined the world is

To bundle up the bright, overflowing bundle of care/excitement/intrigue and share it so someone else can experience it too

…

But sometimes, perhaps often, there is no one to tell.

No one you haven’t bothered recently. No one who has a similar interest. No one who will be willing to read the outpour. No one who would care. No one you haven’t already handed a new interest.

And that desire to share, give, offer, show, and tell someone sours. It melts into a charred mass of dread in your stomach that seeps into the subject itself, if only a little.

TW : rant/dump

I’m not fishing for anything, I just really needed to say this, and I’m not willing to put it on anyone I know. Please don’t read this if you’re unwell. I don’t want to add to anyone else’s struggle

I just needed to get off my chest,

This couple weeks have been… not good.

My grandma has been making sui/homi threats when she can’t get more pain meds, my grandpa is obsessed with conspiracy politics and won’t keep it to himself, my mom depends on me emotionally

My shelf came off the wall and broke my file box and shattered a glass frame all over the floor

I spilled soda so incredibly that it got on my carpet, walls, floor, the bottom of my bed (?), my printer, my extension cord, my yarn basket, and so many other places I keep finding

I ruined an entire load of clothes with chapstick, it will not come out, and my mom tossed them

My air purifier itself has started smelling like mold despite upkeep

My windowsill is covered in mold and my plaster is cake and even my carpenter uncle can’t figure out my Schrödinger studs

Because of all these things I’ve been having to fix or account for on top of my medical bills and car bills and insurance bills I can’t even quite make it paycheck to paycheck

I don’t have the time or money to take care of procedures I’m supposed to have done already

My doctor says I’m in the chronic pain of someone twice my age and that my job isn’t going to work for me in the long term and my job is trying to shove me out but I can’t find another job that won’t kill my mental health, physical health, or support me financially

Im just stuck,

I’m stuck.

Shoutout to my favorite moment in the sound of music:

*Angry Nazi car failure noises *

Nun: Reverend Mother I’m afraid I need to confess a sin. 😔⚙️

Nun 2: Me too Reverend Mother 😔⚙️

Anyone else’s cat have no idea that they have the ability to inflict pain? My cat will just jump off my lap with all claws out for traction. Etc.

Excuse me these are some very good rocks thank you

Average attempt at communication with adhd.

Particularly stupid words I cannot seem to conquer when attempting to type thoughtlessly:

- hte

-becasue

-threfroe

Something that always bothers me about the progressive removal of culture from the batfamily (other than the obvious) is that… if you don’t understand where Dick Grayson and his family come from, Robin makes no sense. Why would Batman, Mr. Greyscale camouflage, allow his partner and protege to dress up like a moving target? A traffic light? To understand, you have to acknowledge why he chose those colors, and what they mean to him and his family. That may have gotten lost over the years as the mantle was passed, but the original costume had meaning to a grieving child.