I Am Rereading Aftg And I Got To Neil Asking Andrew To Get Out Of Their Deal And Its Got Me Thinking

I cannot express how accurate this edit it, I adore this

I made an Aidlyn edit

I wanted to see this so bad, I so desperately wanted Andrews pov because to him, suddenly Neil was telling him it was all worth it out of the blue. I expected anger and rage, we know he got violent (poor kevin 😅) but the fear was not expected, he spent so long denying it was anything at all then when he thought he lost him, he so desperately needed him back. 🥲

i’m finally finally reading the aftg extra content and

omg?? ive seen some people post about this before but reading it on my own is just another feeling like he was freaking out after neil got kidnapped and it hurts to read but also omg

I never did finish that animation I was trying to do, but here's a frame of Jean I was really proud of lol.

What I would give for a scene with Jean and Renee where she finally gets to see him up closed and healed. She'd walk up to him with a big smile and offer a hug, maybe he would hesitate, but its Renee so of course he hugs her, but not some simple side hug or a quick one. Instead he melts into her, letting her pull him down with arms around his shoulders and smile buried into his neck. And he is just, completely relaxed, full body relief. Renee is all warm smiles and soft words and Jean has that heartbreak love in his eyes. Then theres Jeremy with a jelaous understanding that Jean needs this, that he needs her. She cradles his face after he pulls away and looks at his scars, traces where the bruises were before telling him "you look good." And Jean's response is honest "I am"

Later that night Jeremy doesn't mean to ask about her but its been on his mind, Jean can tell something is eating at him.

"Spill it." Jean demands without looking up.

"What." Jeremy startles out of his thoughts, not following the conversation.

"Whats wrong?"Jeremy hesitates, unsure of how to say it.

"You care about her." It only takes Jean a moment to understand who he means.

"She saved my life." Its not exactly an answer, but its true.

"You told Cat you had been a in love before. Was it Renee?" Jeremy regrets the question the second he sees Jeans pained scowl. "We dont have to talk-"

"No. Maybe in another life, but it wasn't Renee I fell in love with. I dont think I was capable of loving someone when I was with her."

"Not capable?" Jeremy echos confused, trying to ignore his phrasing.

"It was against the rules." Jean looks away "I'm trying to change them now."

"The ravens rules. They wouldn't let you love someone?"

"No. It was a distraction. But now I have someone worth breaking them for." Jean shrugs, getting up before Jeremy can question 'who'.

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

I know that everyone wants Jeremy to help Jean get over his fear of water. I know cannonically thats what is most likely to happen, however hear my out on my hc's that I think are reasonable.

TGR spoliers big time:

Ten steps back, it has been hinted at that Jeremy might crash his car. I believe that this is completely within reason and I can see it happening in the next book. 1. He has fallen asleep at the wheel more than once. 2. They worried about his constant lack of sleep and how much he has on his plate. 3. The apartment being even further than before 4. He is doing even more than previous years Ex: learning french, studing for LSAT (is that the correct abbreviation?? Law!) And 5. Teaching Jean how to be a whole human being on so many levels. Man's exhusted. So I can definitely see him crashing. Now the severity of this may very, if its late or raining or a million other things to make it worse. My brain is stuck on him flipping over a guard rail, but any type of crash can cause major injury which leads us to where this post is supposed to be. Jeremy crashing the car and everyone going to pick him up from the hospital. Maybe he even is unconscious when they get there and has all these machines, stuff Jean has never seen, he doesnt know what any of this does, he never got real medical help. So of course hes worried, his partner is breathing through a tube. A day or two later they bring him home (after heavy convincing, his mother lets him stay with the girls for the sake of making it to classes on time) Jeremy is benched for at least 5 weeks, concussion, sprains, pulled mucsles, etc. Day three of being out of the hospital and he feels disgusting. Painstakingly making his way to the bathroom to shower, Jean follows him, hovering his hands out in case he stumbles. Jeremy lets him help, leaning on Jean as he hobbles into the bathroom, but Jean doesnt leave when Jeremy turns on the water. A moment of awkward staring at each other, Jean asks if he needs help. Of course Jeremy is embarrassed, a little ashamed and wanting to do it alone out of spite, but Jean insists he could fall, benching himself longer, so he lets him help. Its awkward and neither know where to put their hands, Jeremy tries to wash himself at first, letting Jean keep him steady, but the sore muscles make it hard to clean his hair, so they switch. Jeremy holds at Jeans shoulders as Jean scrubs soap into his scalp. Jean stays as far out of the spray as he can, occasionally wiping the water off his face, but hes focused on helping his partner get better. It doesnt matter that hes scared because Jeremy is hurt and its miserable watching him struggle. Of course some of the fear is stomped out by the adoration and hunger he gets from the way Jeremy closes his eyes and contently hums at how Jean rinses out the soap. How can he be scared when Jeremy is using him as a crutch, tan freckled skin and blonde hair under his hands. The need to help his partner override the fear.

RAH I am so temped to actually write a fanfiction about this because it could be at least 4 chapters. ANYWAY, not sorry for more JereJean posts :D

Peacefully listening to this while thinking of Laila whispering this song to Jeremy

Spoilers under the cut

I imagine he goes through moments of wanting to relapse and going to her and just letting her hold him as he tries to calm himself. Very much seeking peace in each other when the world is too heavy. All of her anger and protectiveness comes from her being worried about him and I can see her letting all of that fall away when he needs her. 🥲 I need more sibling moments from them.

"Honey dont worry nobodys angry at any of this"

"Its like when you're tired, you"re someone else"

"Its easy to break beneath the weight of the earth"

"Cause darling I get scared for you and I'm not busy anyway"

"All of your falling, has it got exhausting have you gotten sleep"

There are so many lyrics that just resonate with them, my poor babies

IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. Cat and Jean making dinner and Jean keeps getting annoyed that its in his face so Cat just kinda walks up to him and puts it up, so its kinda messy and the waves are all overlapping in that way they do when its unbrushed. Jean just giving a brief thank you before he continues cutting/seasoning food. Meanwhile Jeremy is just watching like 😳

Jean who’s still upset about his hair being ripped out in the nest, and lets his hair grow out super long just because he can.

Jeremy, who sees jean with his hair in a manbun for the first time and LOSES. HIS. SHIT.

You know whats sad to think about, when Andrew was searching the stadium for Neil after the riot, if he had tried calling him and thats how he found his bag/racket/phone, it would have been the ringtone on repeat of the lyrics "runaway train never going back" when he found out neil was kidnapped. I bet that haunted him, he was high when he made that ringtone, as a joke, Neil was a little rabbit always on the run, but he gave him the phone as a way to stay and that option was dropped, left in the dirt and blaring at him that Neil isn't coming back, and then theres kevin in his ear.

"Where is he?"

"Its too late. If his fathers men found him hes dead already."

"Where is he!"

"You were always going to lose him."

I bet it was the first time he ever regretted something. Letting him go. He promised to back down, to let him loose and now he's gone. Those words probably echoed in his head, "I need you to let me go." He had agreed, but never to this, never to him being taken. But Neil wasn't his, there was no 'this', Neil has no ties to Andrew, but he still wanted to tear the world apart to find him because losing him was not an option.

I can see them having a quiet moment without hugs or sobbing, silent tears with hushed words. A very I dont want you to see me like this but it hurts me and I know it hurts you too

A moment of breaking without shattering, a comfort by just being able to share the pain.

Everyones talking about Jeremy breaking down in Jean's arms in tsc3 but what about Laila? Laila who is just as unwilling to share her emotions as Jean is. Laila who most likely went through some form of SA from her neighbours after her high school graduation. Laila who just lost the only home she's ever known - just like Jean lost the only home he's ever known in Elodie - and hasn't yet properly mourned it just as Jean keeps trying to bury Elodie so he won't break either. I want them to find more comfort in each other knowing that the other is able to better understand them than any other person probably will ever be able to.

I want Jean to take that painting Laila bought, when she saw him looking at it, and paint Elodie into it. I want Laila to see a little girl with wavy black hair, a yellow ribbon and a duckling dress standing in a field of daffodils on their new apartment wall and tell Jean she's sorry that he lost his only home. I want him to say the same thing back to her and for that to finally break her. I want her to break at the idea that they've been through the same pain and i want them to be able to mourn together in silent understanding. I want Laila to be able to cry in front of Jean like he was able to cry in front of Neil and know that she doesn't have to be strong in front of him, that he understands better than anyone else.

"It was offensive, still, bare of the personal touches that would make it homey, but the daffodil painting on the wall was a silent promise that they'd get there eventually."

“It is not the same.” ​“No,” Laila agreed as she hugged it to her chest, “but it’s a start.”