I Truly Believe The Reason Andrew Is Blankfaced All The Time Is Because His Internal Dialog Is Screaming - Blog Posts

I am rereading aftg and I got to Neil asking Andrew to get out of their deal and its got me thinking that that scene might be the most desperate we ever see Andrew (outside of the obvious lol)

"Im asking you to break it" Andrew heartrate spikes.

I can imagine whats going on in Andrews head.

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This cant be happening. "No." Not like this.

"You said you'd stick with me if I kept Kevin south, but Kevin doesnt need me anymore-" Fuck Kevin, hes not the one I asked to stay "...theres nothing else I can give you in exchange for your protection." Im not a reason for you to stay, I never was , not really. I knew that.

"I dont want you to." He doesn't want me. "I need you to let me go" I'm losing him, hes going to run.

"I'll think of something." Dont leave, I can still protect you, it was never about Kevin, its you, you fucking idiot. Stay, stay, stay.

"Give me one good reason" I cant let you go yet, Ive only just gotten you.

"If I'm hiding behind you I'm still running" I'm begging you, stay.

"I want to stand on my own two feet. Let me do that. None of this means anything if I dont" stand next to me, dont run, dont disapear.

Neil sits back and relaxes into the beanbag, closing his eyes, letting Andrew think it over.

How can you do this? How can you be everything I need, everything I want and ask me to let you go? How can you respect every boundry, even my silence and say you have to walk away? You are all you need to give me, just stay.

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You cant comvince me Andrews "ill think of something" isn't his way of telling Neil 'i need you with me' because Andrew doesnt believe people are willing to stay without a deal or protection or some kind of benefit. He doesnt have friends, not really. Nicky is family, looking out for them, the deal with Aaron, Kevin's deal, even Renee gets stuff out of their relationship, though its less of a deal and more of just mutal benefit. He doesn't expect Neil to stay if he isnt protecting him, and hes scared of losing him, of the kisses stopping, of their game ending. At least that how I see this scene now that ive read it and i know more about them. This is Andrew clinging to Neil and he doesnt even know it. Because in Neils eyes, hes keeping him safe by ending the deal, Andrew wont get hurt trying to save him, but for Andrew, hes losing the one person who he wants to choose him and he didnt know if Neil would make that choice if there was other options.