I Have Been Dwelling On The Ravens, I Need To Preface This Tangent With, I Am Not At All Disregarding,

yes, this is the one universe that Jean lives in.

and yes, that means it’s the only one where Jeremy finds his soulmate.

it’s also the only one where Cat finds her literal ride or die best friend.

and the only one where Laila has someone else to connect with over missing roots.

it’s the only one where Cody is so appreciated for something as small as sharing fruit.

or Derek and and Derrick have someone to call “lil bro.”

it’s the only one where Xavier is accepted by a stranger without question.

it’s the only one where Tanner has such a cool mentor, even if he’s rough around the edges.

and the only one where Kevin doesn’t have to live as the only member of the perfect court.

it’s the only one where Neil would willingly go back to the state he buried his mother in.

it’s the only one where Renee gives up her cross to a friend as a string of faith.

plus the only one that Rhemann is seen as a father and not just a coach.

and it’s the only one where Jab gets adopted by a family that will love him.

Jean Moreau is as infinite as he is wonderful.

he’s the boy who didn’t want to live, but Nora asked him to anyway. and god, is he.

he’s more of a miracle than he’ll ever realize.

Spoilers

Her letting Aiden and Taylor braid her hair, and then her reaching out to Aiden when she was scared of what to do (plus him getting upset by flash backs) she really is becoming so much more comfortable and dependent on them 🥲

erm little Ashlyn rant (very big spoilers if ur not caught up with sbg)

I don’t think we talk enough about how much Ashlyn has grown and gotten more comfortable in the group. She was vulnerable before they got the jeep, even if it was just a little bit. And when Aiden died she immediately ran in to hug him. WHAT?! She has explicitly never done that. That’s something she explicitly HATES doing, but she did it with zero hesitation because she cares for him. When they were separated in the hospital for that little bit, when Logan and Ben found her, she ALSO immediately ran to hug them. Zero hesitation. She did the same when they found Taylor. (Not Tyler for obvious reasons and for some reason not Aiden but the thought still counts.)

and later when the group was finally together again after the whole ‘Ashlyn touching a phantom’ thing, Taylor and Aiden were WRAPPED. AROUND. HER. Sure, she told them to get off, but it just didn’t seem like she hated it like she would in the earlier season/episodes.

and earlier, when they just got to the hospital and Alex was questioning Ashlyn, she immediately asked where her friends were. Word for word, she asked “Where are my friends?” HELLO? She’s never called them her friends before. Maybe she didn’t say it to their face, but she still called them her friends. Also the fact that they were immediately her first priority. Not “where am I?” “Where are my parents”, no, she saved that for later. First, she needed to know her friends were safe.

and I would mention the whole Aiden and Ashlyn talk after they get the jeep but that would get me talking for a WHILE, and this is getting long sooo

BUT IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE AND I LOVE HER DEVELOPMENT AND SHE LOVES AND CARES FOR THEM AND SHES SUCH A WELL WRITTEN CHRACTER WAHHHHHH

Ok, so I've watched Link Click a few times now. And one thing I don't think it really explains is how Lu guang sees the photo. Cxs basically possesses the person who took it so does Lu guang see it only as the photographer sees it. This bit confuses me but I think I get it. My main question, if the person he is watching the past through goes to sleep or is unconscious in those twelve hours, would be not able to see similar to when the little boy was knocked out? This could get them in trouble, right? Lu guang couldnt see what was going on and cxs dives and wakes up to investigate and all hell could break loose and Lu Guang couldn't fix or guide cxs through any of it because he doesn't know. But theres also how protective he is, he may just not let cxs dive because they have no idea what could happen.

Just an idea of what I mean: A client comes in asking if they could find his daughter. He gives a picture of her off her social media from the day she went missing.

Lu guang looks through it and 4 hours in, everything goes black and nothing can be seen throughout the rest of the photo. However near the last 2 hours, he can hear talking. Cheng decides he wants to dive and manages to convince Lu guang.

After he get knocked out as the missing girl, Lu guang continues to talk to him, eventually waking him up earlier than original. Hes blindfolded and the room is silent and cold. Hes tied up. He can't clap, he can't see, and he has no idea where he is. And Lu guang doesn't know what is going to happen.

Hours pass and Cheng is unable to break free. And eventually the talking starts. A low mumbling from multiple people approaching the room he's held captive in. The twelve hours is almost up. Cheng is starting to panic but wants to get some kind of information.

"What are you, cowards? Too afraid to show your face to your victim?" His voice is shaky but hes determined to see at least the smallest amount. He ignores Lu guang calls to not escalate the situation. His blindflod gets ripped off. And he can see their faces. The small garage they are in. Time is almost out, only a moment left. He looks up and sees the barrel of a gun and feels the bullet hit him at the same moment time runs out. He falls back next to Lu guang in a pure panic. The feeling of a bullet running through his brain causes him to break down into a full panic attack, lashing out as Lu guang tries to comfort him.

"Breath, your safe. Your home. I got you." Cheng calms down enough for lu guang to pull him into a hug "I didn't know, Im so sorry"

one of my favorite things to do in limited perspective is write sentences about the things someone doesn't do. he doesn't open his eyes. he doesn't reach out. i LOVE sentences like that. if it's describing the narrator, it's a reflection of their desires, something they're holding themselves back from. there's a tension between urge and action. it makes you ask why they wanted or felt compelled to do that, and also why they ultimately didn't. and if it's describing someone else, it tells you about the narrator's expectations. how they perceive that other person or their relationship. what they thought the other person was going to do, or thought the other person should have done, but failed to. negative action sentences are everything.

The sentence "whats your favorite color? Mines math." Is so Neil Josten, I about died trying not to burst out laughing in the break room at work.

That is literally how it goes though, Andrew reluctantly being attracted from afar until he tell Neil and then Neil being an endless cycle of puppy eyes and seeking affection.

something about andrew developing very complex and very not-casual feelings for the mysterious, dangerous, temperamental new boy and just being like "yeah. i'd fuck you. what abt it" only for neil to respond with "omg really?? u mean it?.?? that's so cool. what's ur favorite color. mine's math. ur so pretty. i think i love you. we're boyfriends right"

meanwhile andrew maintains his stance of "please die" but he absolutely knows he got himself into this and will not be getting out

Andrew Minyard

I tried so hard and I feel like I didn't do him justice but I have drawn the boy

Also I don't know if its tumblr or my computer that is butchering the quality, I swear it looks neater on my end.

Jeremy Knox in an Underwear ad

I just had this idea of him getting offered a magazine ad after a game and it being for a sports company with a new underwear line. (also just a practice for anatomy because I'm not great at it)

zoomed in ones under the cut.

Jean, Cat and Laila would definitely go with him, the girls would be taking videos of the awkward set ups and him messing up while Jean is hanging on for dear life.

I meant to add a quote of him saying "Do I get to keep these?" but I forgot. Oopies

So we can all agree that at some point Jeremy is gonna ride Jeans motorcycle. I want a moment of Jeremy being nervous beforehand while Jean is going over basic safety and communication, but Jeremy is just not paying attention, so Jean does that super hot, grab the chin of the helmet maneuver, making him look up and saying something like "pay attention" or "listen to me" and Jeremy is just immediately weak in the knees like 'oh fuck, he can get hotter.' And I NEED Jean to notice, to see his eyes go wide and his face get red because the amount of times Jean has grabbed Jeremys chin, this is going to be the moment that gets them both.

I am rereading aftg and I got to Neil asking Andrew to get out of their deal and its got me thinking that that scene might be the most desperate we ever see Andrew (outside of the obvious lol)

"Im asking you to break it" Andrew heartrate spikes.

I can imagine whats going on in Andrews head.

.

.

This cant be happening. "No." Not like this.

"You said you'd stick with me if I kept Kevin south, but Kevin doesnt need me anymore-" Fuck Kevin, hes not the one I asked to stay "...theres nothing else I can give you in exchange for your protection." Im not a reason for you to stay, I never was , not really. I knew that.

"I dont want you to." He doesn't want me. "I need you to let me go" I'm losing him, hes going to run.

"I'll think of something." Dont leave, I can still protect you, it was never about Kevin, its you, you fucking idiot. Stay, stay, stay.

"Give me one good reason" I cant let you go yet, Ive only just gotten you.

"If I'm hiding behind you I'm still running" I'm begging you, stay.

"I want to stand on my own two feet. Let me do that. None of this means anything if I dont" stand next to me, dont run, dont disapear.

Neil sits back and relaxes into the beanbag, closing his eyes, letting Andrew think it over.

How can you do this? How can you be everything I need, everything I want and ask me to let you go? How can you respect every boundry, even my silence and say you have to walk away? You are all you need to give me, just stay.

.

.

.

You cant comvince me Andrews "ill think of something" isn't his way of telling Neil 'i need you with me' because Andrew doesnt believe people are willing to stay without a deal or protection or some kind of benefit. He doesnt have friends, not really. Nicky is family, looking out for them, the deal with Aaron, Kevin's deal, even Renee gets stuff out of their relationship, though its less of a deal and more of just mutal benefit. He doesn't expect Neil to stay if he isnt protecting him, and hes scared of losing him, of the kisses stopping, of their game ending. At least that how I see this scene now that ive read it and i know more about them. This is Andrew clinging to Neil and he doesnt even know it. Because in Neils eyes, hes keeping him safe by ending the deal, Andrew wont get hurt trying to save him, but for Andrew, hes losing the one person who he wants to choose him and he didnt know if Neil would make that choice if there was other options.

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭