Choose Everyday, To Forgive Yourself

the sun couldn’t compare to that smile

The Glamour of Eating Disorders.

Because of my decade of eating disorders, this is where I’ve been 🦋

🌸I’ve purged in every single bathroom on my college’s campus.

🌸 I’ve been questioned for smelling like vomit

🌸 I’ve bruised my ass and legs (which hurt for weeks after) just by sitting down

🌸 I have fainting spells now! Last Friday I fainted 5 times and was nearly sent to the ER. Once I fainted in the shower and as a result, my boyfriend insists on keeping the bathroom door open and on checking on me. Every shower since.

🌸 I’ve eaten trash during a binge

🌸 I’ve eaten a 2 week old stale donut that I found in my boyfriend’s friend’s apartment during a binge.

🌸 I have rummaged through the homes of friends, family, and even strangers for scales to weigh myself. Once, I even pawed through a frat house during a party to weigh myself. (If you’re curious, I found one and did weigh myself.)

🌸I’ve shoplifted laxatives and diuretics in desperation.

🌸I have bone- bruised my coccyx (tailbone) by sitting on the toilet.

🌸 I’ve seized (had a seizure) because I had binged and purged so many times in a day.

🌸 I have destroyed my thyroid (a very important organ, I may add) because of my years of ED, and will now be on medication for the rest of my life.

🌸I have permanently damaged my intensities from abusing laxatives.

🌸 My stomach is beyond fucked up as a result of permanent damage.

🌸I have abused drugs I didn’t even want to do in order to suppress my appetite.

🌸I have damaged my heart because of my ED.

🌸 I have stolen food to binge and purge.

🌸I have both puked and shit blood because of damaged organs.

🌸I had, at one point, lost half my hair because of malnutrition– adding of course that I grew lanugo EVERYWHERE in addition.

🌸 I get dizzy spells every time I stand

🌸I have taken so many laxatives that I spent an entire day puking and shitting.

🌸 I have seriously emotionally hurt my partner (romantic) because of actions I took because of my eating disorder.

🌸 I have drained my bank account compulsively buying ED shit.

🌸 I have chronic chest pains because of my ED.

🌸 I have gotten bone-bruises in my sleep because I had my joints crossed.

🌸I have lost my adolescence and youth to my ED

🌸 I have estranged myself from my family because of my ED

🌸 I have not spent a day without thinking about my weight since I was 9/10 years old.

🌸 I have had my ED so long, it has become a part of my identity and sense of self– I am terrified of recovery because of this

🌸 I have shortened my lifespan significantly–to the point where I have discussed the fact that I will die first wth my partner, as we plan our future together.

This has ruined my life.

Please do not think these disorders will in any way improve your life, they will only plunge you into hell. I do not say these things for pity or attention– I simply want to deter others from ever dabbling in ED behaviors and encourage those who have not been disordered long to seek help before it’s too late. And, obviously, to deter anyone from seeking this kind of behavior. These diseases will destroy you in every realm of your life. They will kill you. I have lost friends to these diseases. Death is a real threat– do not make the mistake of thinking it cannot happen to you. It will. All an eating disorder will ever be is pain.

We need to destroy the glamour that seems to surround eating disorders, which only exists because of the rampant misinformation on the subject. We must bring the true reality of ED’s to light. We cannot let misinformation ruin any more lives. Please spread the reality of EDs. It’s never too late to recover. I encourage everyone to seek recovery/ and or treatment.

Much Love, K

Bruce: TIM! Are you ok? I heard screaming

Tim, in tears: I had a nightmare about the duolingo owl

Bruce, who's parenting books have not prepared him for this: ....what

Jason, from the other room: HOOT HOOT

Tim: screaming

“Every time you set a healthy boundary, you’re saying yes to recovery.” Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves is not a selfish act— it’s essential for our wellbeing. Listen to your instincts • identify your emotions • set your limits • maintain your needs • and respect others people’s boundaries 💞✨

yeehaw, baby!

I finally got caught up with the new nightwing

February 21st, - 7:00

My family finally told me what's wrong with my father. We don't know for sure but his doctor thinks it's highly possible. We don't have the date yet for his important appointment but we should get it later today. I'm scared. I need to pray tonight for him. Please keep my dad save and healthy. I can't lose him. ~Anon

reminder

• try not to invalidate your struggles by comparing them to others • everyone handles situations differently • everyone is equip with different strengths and skill sets. • just because someone has it worse than you does not mean your struggle is meaningless