The Glamour Of Eating Disorders.

The Glamour of Eating Disorders.

Because of my decade of eating disorders, this is where I’ve been 🦋

🌸I’ve purged in every single bathroom on my college’s campus.

🌸 I’ve been questioned for smelling like vomit

🌸 I’ve bruised my ass and legs (which hurt for weeks after) just by sitting down

🌸 I have fainting spells now! Last Friday I fainted 5 times and was nearly sent to the ER. Once I fainted in the shower and as a result, my boyfriend insists on keeping the bathroom door open and on checking on me. Every shower since.

🌸 I’ve eaten trash during a binge

🌸 I’ve eaten a 2 week old stale donut that I found in my boyfriend’s friend’s apartment during a binge.

🌸 I have rummaged through the homes of friends, family, and even strangers for scales to weigh myself. Once, I even pawed through a frat house during a party to weigh myself. (If you’re curious, I found one and did weigh myself.)

🌸I’ve shoplifted laxatives and diuretics in desperation.

🌸I have bone- bruised my coccyx (tailbone) by sitting on the toilet.

🌸 I’ve seized (had a seizure) because I had binged and purged so many times in a day.

🌸 I have destroyed my thyroid (a very important organ, I may add) because of my years of ED, and will now be on medication for the rest of my life.

🌸I have permanently damaged my intensities from abusing laxatives.

🌸 My stomach is beyond fucked up as a result of permanent damage.

🌸I have abused drugs I didn’t even want to do in order to suppress my appetite.

🌸I have damaged my heart because of my ED.

🌸 I have stolen food to binge and purge.

🌸I have both puked and shit blood because of damaged organs.

🌸I had, at one point, lost half my hair because of malnutrition– adding of course that I grew lanugo EVERYWHERE in addition.

🌸 I get dizzy spells every time I stand

🌸I have taken so many laxatives that I spent an entire day puking and shitting.

🌸 I have seriously emotionally hurt my partner (romantic) because of actions I took because of my eating disorder.

🌸 I have drained my bank account compulsively buying ED shit.

🌸 I have chronic chest pains because of my ED.

🌸 I have gotten bone-bruises in my sleep because I had my joints crossed.

🌸I have lost my adolescence and youth to my ED

🌸 I have estranged myself from my family because of my ED

🌸 I have not spent a day without thinking about my weight since I was 9/10 years old.

🌸 I have had my ED so long, it has become a part of my identity and sense of self– I am terrified of recovery because of this

🌸 I have shortened my lifespan significantly–to the point where I have discussed the fact that I will die first wth my partner, as we plan our future together.

This has ruined my life.

Please do not think these disorders will in any way improve your life, they will only plunge you into hell. I do not say these things for pity or attention– I simply want to deter others from ever dabbling in ED behaviors and encourage those who have not been disordered long to seek help before it’s too late. And, obviously, to deter anyone from seeking this kind of behavior. These diseases will destroy you in every realm of your life. They will kill you. I have lost friends to these diseases. Death is a real threat– do not make the mistake of thinking it cannot happen to you. It will. All an eating disorder will ever be is pain.

We need to destroy the glamour that seems to surround eating disorders, which only exists because of the rampant misinformation on the subject. We must bring the true reality of ED’s to light. We cannot let misinformation ruin any more lives. Please spread the reality of EDs. It’s never too late to recover. I encourage everyone to seek recovery/ and or treatment.

Much Love, K

Mon, December 5th - 18:13

It hurts you know. Those aren’t words you’re meant to hear coming from your mother.

“I’m tired. I’m giving up.”

Knowing she is talking about giving up on her family.

“It’s the same thing over and over. I’m not doing anything with my life and I can’t stand it.”

It’s to much for her. She can’t handle taking me to school anymore. She can’t handle any of this. I’m putting to much on her back right now.

“I’m the same way mom, I can’t even shower without thinking about hurting myself.”

My sister is not allowed to think like that. She’s C.R.M. shes not allowed.

Her poor son isn’t happy anymore. He’s only 9 and he’s so depressed.

My dad is being over worked. I know he’s thinking about leaving. We’ve talked it through. He misses his old house, I can’t say I don’t agree.

My sisters life is falling apart. She’s been crying every night. She’s been struggling to keep going.

it sounds bad right now but it was just as bad 3 months ago before any of these problems. Every time we fix our problems more ones come around.

I’m so tired of everything. I’ve hurt myself again. I never really stopped but I went awhile without the thought of a blade and when it came back to mind I always found a way to stop myself. Yet this time I didn’t. I am getting so bad i’m cutting with everyone still awake because I’m dying for a release.

I’m having issues with food, but its okay. So is everyone else in my house. My sister hasn't eaten in a week other than half a sandwich. shes so skinny she can fit into my jeans. I think shes anorexic with the way she talks. My mom says shes not hungry but she hasn’t eaten in three days. for the last two days my sisters son hasn't touched any food and on his birthday Friday he would even touch his cake. my dad is the only one eating and hes working so much he doesn't have time very often to even make himself food, so some nights he skips dinner.

My sister is angry. She yells a lot and gets med to easily, My mom does too. I can tell my dad is done with it. He gives me that look that says hes tired of it. I know hes on edge.

I’ve started smoking again. K.R. got me some cigarettes from some kids at school. I have about five left before my pack is empty. I’m going to steal some from my sister.

I have to share my room now. My sister is sharing with me. My moms getting rid of half my stuff and we are buying a bunk-bed. I need to clear a lot of room for that though so im getting rid of my desk, posters, fairy lights, TV, and other things.

I’m starting to think it’s just to hard to keep going. What’s the point? my own mom gave up can’t I?

I know I said I wouldn’t, but I’m still thinking of moving schools. It’s to hard on my mom to keep doing all this. Plus my grades are so bad, I’m not doing any better.

I missed school again today, I can’t go back. There isn’t anything there for me.

There isn’t anything in this world left for me.

~Anon

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scarlet-anon

8 months ago

I think Bruce's biggest tragedy is that he's so obviously a girl dad but the universe keeps sending him mini versions of himself.

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Suicide sqaud and boating

Today was amazing! I haven’t felt so alive sence tatinof which was like three months ago… we picked k.R. up at one and went out on the boat for awhile and had a Awsome time! We swam and listened to tøp and p!atd really loud. After that we went out to eat and had a Awsome time. Then went to see suicide sqaud in 3d, which was bomb! I loved it so much and so did he! I only wish we could have done this stuff when we were dating… I also found out today I think I still like him…. I’m kinda screwed aren’t i? But my parents love him and my dad even knows I like him. Jeez dad back off, lol. I’m going to snapchat him for awhile because we are talking about the movie rn but then go to sleep. Goodnight, sleep well. ~Anon

Useless

I feel useless. I'm never going to meet expectations. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. I can't do anything right. No one cares about anything I care about. I'm sorry I'm not her... but I try so hard. ~Anon

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scarlet-anon

9 months ago

tfw your boyfriend is the number 1 shipper of you and your best friend

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Want

I want to stop cussing. I want to stop talking to much. I want to stop sharing about me. I want to seem invisible. I want to be forgotten. I want to stop asking. I want to stop being diffrent. I want to stop caring. I want to stop thinking about things. I want to stop being overly attached. I want to let go of the past. I want to be able to forget people. I want to stop holding on to things. I want to stop doing stupid things. I want to not have a relationship. I want to be nicer. I want to stop yelling. I want to stop being a brat. I want people to want me. I want to be perfect. I want to be smart. I want to stop begging for things I can't have. ~Anon

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scarlet-anon

7 years ago

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scarlet-anon

8 years ago

Untitled

(I didn't tell him. I should have or I should at least set the alarm, but I can't. I'm uncapable. I'm unstable. I'm thinking diffrently. I want to do something but I can't. I'm not ready for tomorrow. Everything drops from here. There's no coming back from here. I can't chose one of them and I can't let go of both without letting go of everything and I can't do that. I'm uncapable. I'm sorry. )

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