I Want To Shake Many Young Women And Say You Can Grow In Private. And What I Mean By That Is That You

If you use Duolingo, maybe don't anymore? The company is moving to be "AI-first" and is using AI to generate their content. Meaning, AI is now generating your language lessons.

They announced that they were going to use AI for this a while back but now they're annoucing that they're getting rid of the contractors reviewing the AI generated content. So, very soon Duolingo is just going to be AI generated slop that might not even be correct.

For alternatives, I'd recommend checking with your local library. For instance, mine offers Rosetta Stone for free if you have a library card.

in my dream world that i live in sometimes we stop saying things like “NOBODY is gross or dirty!!!” And start saying things like “being gross or dirty isn’t a moral flaw or failing”

Regretting things is disrespecting your past self… you have to trust that you made the best decision otherwise you’re breaking down your relationship with yourself

Intrafamilial Parent/Child SA

An informational post on what it is, and advice on how to leave

CW: Incest, paedophilia, childhood sexual abuse, rape, manipulation, gaslighting,

Being a parental incest survivor is incredibly isolating, so I wrote this.

I wrote this with the intention that people currently experiencing this abuse will be able to read it. I took pains to keep the material factual to the ways we are/were manipulated and controlled. I don't discuss specific acts of sexual abuse because these are immaterial to this discussion and individual to the survivor.

Intrafamilial Sexual Assault is the most common form of CSA, Parents are the most common perpetrators of intrafamilial sexual abuse and also the most common perpetrators of childhood sexual abuse, and the next most common being an older sibling. Discretion advised in reading linked criminology paper.

Educational material below the cut.... Please reblog, lack of discussion/knowledge is both isolating and dangerous.

I can't believe I have to say this but I didn't write this for your fandom discourse, I'm not interested in being involved

Parental Incest is an unsettlingly common form of child abuse

Cases of parental incest are far more common than people generally believe. At least 15% of people have experienced a sexual contact of some kind by a parent during their life time, with a significant portion of us being subjected to sexual penetration or attempted penetration. This isn't something you need to feel isolated in as a survivor, don't be silent.

Tell People! Don't keep secrets... But make sure you prepared your safe exit.

Preferably the person you disclose to first is someone who is not connected to your parent/abuser, and is also a person who can help you to leave the abusive situation permanently. If you are a minor you can also make contact with child services (which I encourage if you are below the legal age of independence or there are other children in the house).

Abusers groom their character witnesses as deeply as they groom you. Whatever chips in the wall led you to question your parent/abuser, the people close to them haven't experienced and they have likely groomed the people around you to see you as a "story teller", "attention seeking", or "trouble".

You are likely to be accused of many things, and called many unpleasant names by members of your family and people close to you that you expected to treat you better or protect you, it will hurt.... But you are likely not the only person your parent/abuser has hurt/is hurting.

The reason for telling a person outside of your abusers influence first is that they can reassure you that you are right to act against your abuser if the people you love try to convince you that you're doing the wrong thing.

Why do survivors of parental incest feel obligated to protect our abusers?

Adult perpetrators of Incest act with predictable and repeated behaviours to instill a sense of complicity in their victims/children.

Introducing sexual ideas and behaviours through play.

"Love bombing" making the child feel especially important above other relationships in the parents life.

The parent makes great pains to reinforce to the child how "mature" and "trustworthy" they are.

The parent initiates sexual behaviours, typically followed by emotional reinforcement and statements of the child's responsibility for secrecy.

The narrative of the story is often changed to say that the child initiated the sexual relationship, "you were precocious" or "this was never meant to happen, but I'm glad it did".

If the child questions the relationship the parent explains it away, saying that the world doesn't understand relationships like theirs.

The experience doesn't need to match exactly, but it is likely to follow this closely.

We also feel conflict because beyond the grooming, the experience is paradoxical. You still experience sexual responses, arousal, pleasure and orgasm being subjected to intrafamilial sexual assault. It's traumatic and deeply confusing all on its own.

Abuse usually continues into adulthood.

The continuing abuse isn't necessarily sexual, though it often is, exiting any association with the parent/abuser is important because Incest is a particularly insidious vector of control.

The parent/abuser can leverage both the years of grooming, and also the embarrassment of an adult victim with their associated anxiety (with their generally undiagnosed c-PTSD) to exert control over the survivor/victim. Maintaining their silence, subservience and obedience. Allowing the parent/abuser to extract labour, financial support, and near anything else.

There are no excuses anybody can give for protecting your abuser!!!

There are no excuses, and you should not give any credence to anybody's argument in defence of them... You should not protect them but also you are not required to pursue prosecution of your parent/abuser. We survivors often struggle with significant trauma and have limited support networks. Your safety is paramount and always comes first.

When confronted perpetrators and those close to them will often obfuscate the abuses and their severity.

"it was a lapse in judgement", "I made a mistake", "it won't happen again"...

Or reasons why they can't be reported, such as they are too important to the family's finances, or if they go to prison they will be in danger....

Keep records, if you can do so safely.

This is the hardest part of it all.

If you have records (text messages, emails, letters, photos) keep them. You may not want to pursue prosecution now, but you may one day.

If you have soiled fabrics, put them in a PAPER bag somewhere dry and later seal them in zip lock bags with those silica gel packets if you can. DRY IS GOOD.

If you have not yet been able to leave your situation, diarise events (date/time, brief description). If it is safe to do so.

This will aid any future legal proceedings... Whether you are seeking prosecution or not.

----

(Note: statistically intrafamilial sexual abusers are exclusively intrafamilial abusers, and generally do not have an inclination to abuse children that share no familial ties and may not clinically be paedophiles despite engaging in sexual abuse of children).

----

This post does not discuss sibling incest perpetrators and survivors for these reasons.

Primarily my reason is that Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by a Sibling isn't within my experience

My second reason is that perpetrators behave differently at different ages and if I am going to write about Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by Siblings I will dedicate a post to it.

Third, parents are more common as perpetrators than siblings, while siblings are more likely to be prosecuted and less likely to successfully appeal (despite the overall rate of prosecution being low across the board) discussion bridging the two would need to address the failures in justice and the complexity of this is beyond the scope of this post.

Recently discovered, fully by accident, that the trick to feeling like you have more time in the day is to actually do shit with the time that's there, which seems fake and wrong and it's frankly infuriating that it works >:|

Hey all, covid season is about to really ramp up - so here's a few things you might not be doing that can help

As an immunocompromised person, i'm begging you to consider doing one or three of these things. I've seen very few people talk about them because we want the pandemic to be over, so i'm trying to spread the word, especially as cases go up with winter+holidays.

#1 --- Nasal sprays/prophylactics.

There are several nasal sprays on the market that have been proven to reduce the risk of covid by up to 80%.

(That study was done on a nasal spray with Iota-carrageenan.)

The nasal spray Covixyl was proven to reduce covid infections in healthcare workers by 62%

Nasal sprays with xylitol in them also showed efficacy at lowering viral load, and also helping symtoms if you've contracted covid.

Xlear is one such brand. They were actually sued for saying they prevented covid, and then proved *in a federal court of law* that they were able to prevent covid and treat covid symptoms by 62% - (link here)

You can find similar nasal sprays with xylitol at your local pharmacy, which may be less effective (Studies may vary), but STILL helpful as a preventative.

These sprays last about four hours, and are used prior to engaging with people (and ideally while masking, but even sans mask these are very helpful!)

The sprays in the US range from about $12 to $35, and can be found on amazon and probably your local pharmacy or walmart. Seriously, just blow your nose, use a spray in each nostril, go about your day.

#2 - Mouthwashes with Cetylpyridinium chloride

The ingredient Cetylpyridinium chloride has been proven to lower viral load. Links: here, here, here

Mouthwashes with povidone-iodine, or chlorhexidine gluconate also proved effective but here's the thing: CPC is found in mouthwashes like Crest, Colgate, and Therabreath.

I can buy a mouthwash for $5 at my local grocery that helps reduce viral load just by rinsing my mouth out when I get home after an event.

Usually, the label will advertise active ingredients on the front or cap, so it's not hard to look for.

#3 -- nasal sanitizers.

These have been used in the hospital for a while - if you've had an "elective" procedure done since covid, you might have had your snoot cleaned out with an orange scented q-tip. This is to reduce nasal viral load. It's mostly for use with MRSA right now, but with how much people touch the nose area and how much covid is shed from the nasal passages before/after symptom onset, this can help with spread of covid. To be very clear, full double-blind studies have not been done yet, but it does show some promise.

Either iodine solutions or the brand NOZIN are good options.

These would be used when you got home/after spending time with people to cleanse your nose.

I bought my bottle on amazon for about $25, and it's still going strong ages later. (To be fair, I mostly use it for events where there's been little social distancing or ive felt exposed).

---

TL;DR - if you dont want to read all the studies, here's a good cheap prevention plan:

~Use XLEAR nasal spray before you leave or interact with people ($13.50 on cvs website)

~Come home and use a CPL mouthwash like Crest ($5 on amazon)

~Use a nasal sanitizer with iodine or like nazin - $18-25 after exposure

Combine this with your use of masks, social distancing, air filters, vaccines, and increasing air flow, and you can really reduce the spread of COVID.

While some of these studies are still ongoing, the risk of all of them is essentially nil. And honestly, I will pay $20 and do a few small things to reduce the risk of covid. Most of these are genuinely easier than masking - which I will still be doing. Additionally, they'll reduce risk of colds and flu!

Please signal boost if you can and don't mind ♥ I know this is largely US based brands, but I know there are similar in other places. If you know them please add below!

As tiring as all this shit is, I can't in good faith continue to use spotify.

For anyone else jumping ship, I used to exportify.app to save my favorite playlists.

Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

more dating advice:

often times the thing a shy person needs to extend themselves a little and show you more of themselves is for you to extend yourself first, show yourself first, and make a safe staging ground for the shy person to emerge— which requires a certain amount of vulnerability and bravery on your part

that vulnerability can be repulsive to people who find vulnerability triggering, but that repulsion isn’t a reflection of you or anything to do with you and encountering that repulsion shouldn’t be taken as discouragement or negative judgement

most people who date don’t want to actually partner up with another human being and create a loving connected relationship with that person, they want to float in a sea of mostly positive feelings that make them feel better about their image of themselves

being vulnerable and brave and real has the power to jerk those people out of the fantasy. it forces them to identify themselves (and to bail) and to stop wasting your time.

other people experience great relief and warmth and increased connection upon encountering someone who can be real and can treat the relationship like it’s real

those people provide a very good baseline to start an actual romantic relationship with.