Intrafamilial Parent/Child SA

An informational post on what it is, and advice on how to leave

CW: Incest, paedophilia, childhood sexual abuse, rape, manipulation, gaslighting,

Being a parental incest survivor is incredibly isolating, so I wrote this.

I wrote this with the intention that people currently experiencing this abuse will be able to read it. I took pains to keep the material factual to the ways we are/were manipulated and controlled. I don't discuss specific acts of sexual abuse because these are immaterial to this discussion and individual to the survivor.

Intrafamilial Sexual Assault is the most common form of CSA, Parents are the most common perpetrators of intrafamilial sexual abuse and also the most common perpetrators of childhood sexual abuse, and the next most common being an older sibling. Discretion advised in reading linked criminology paper.

Educational material below the cut.... Please reblog, lack of discussion/knowledge is both isolating and dangerous.

I can't believe I have to say this but I didn't write this for your fandom discourse, I'm not interested in being involved

Parental Incest is an unsettlingly common form of child abuse

Cases of parental incest are far more common than people generally believe. At least 15% of people have experienced a sexual contact of some kind by a parent during their life time, with a significant portion of us being subjected to sexual penetration or attempted penetration. This isn't something you need to feel isolated in as a survivor, don't be silent.

Tell People! Don't keep secrets... But make sure you prepared your safe exit.

Preferably the person you disclose to first is someone who is not connected to your parent/abuser, and is also a person who can help you to leave the abusive situation permanently. If you are a minor you can also make contact with child services (which I encourage if you are below the legal age of independence or there are other children in the house).

Abusers groom their character witnesses as deeply as they groom you. Whatever chips in the wall led you to question your parent/abuser, the people close to them haven't experienced and they have likely groomed the people around you to see you as a "story teller", "attention seeking", or "trouble".

You are likely to be accused of many things, and called many unpleasant names by members of your family and people close to you that you expected to treat you better or protect you, it will hurt.... But you are likely not the only person your parent/abuser has hurt/is hurting.

The reason for telling a person outside of your abusers influence first is that they can reassure you that you are right to act against your abuser if the people you love try to convince you that you're doing the wrong thing.

Why do survivors of parental incest feel obligated to protect our abusers?

Adult perpetrators of Incest act with predictable and repeated behaviours to instill a sense of complicity in their victims/children.

Introducing sexual ideas and behaviours through play.

"Love bombing" making the child feel especially important above other relationships in the parents life.

The parent makes great pains to reinforce to the child how "mature" and "trustworthy" they are.

The parent initiates sexual behaviours, typically followed by emotional reinforcement and statements of the child's responsibility for secrecy.

The narrative of the story is often changed to say that the child initiated the sexual relationship, "you were precocious" or "this was never meant to happen, but I'm glad it did".

If the child questions the relationship the parent explains it away, saying that the world doesn't understand relationships like theirs.

The experience doesn't need to match exactly, but it is likely to follow this closely.

We also feel conflict because beyond the grooming, the experience is paradoxical. You still experience sexual responses, arousal, pleasure and orgasm being subjected to intrafamilial sexual assault. It's traumatic and deeply confusing all on its own.

Abuse usually continues into adulthood.

The continuing abuse isn't necessarily sexual, though it often is, exiting any association with the parent/abuser is important because Incest is a particularly insidious vector of control.

The parent/abuser can leverage both the years of grooming, and also the embarrassment of an adult victim with their associated anxiety (with their generally undiagnosed c-PTSD) to exert control over the survivor/victim. Maintaining their silence, subservience and obedience. Allowing the parent/abuser to extract labour, financial support, and near anything else.

There are no excuses anybody can give for protecting your abuser!!!

There are no excuses, and you should not give any credence to anybody's argument in defence of them... You should not protect them but also you are not required to pursue prosecution of your parent/abuser. We survivors often struggle with significant trauma and have limited support networks. Your safety is paramount and always comes first.

When confronted perpetrators and those close to them will often obfuscate the abuses and their severity.

"it was a lapse in judgement", "I made a mistake", "it won't happen again"...

Or reasons why they can't be reported, such as they are too important to the family's finances, or if they go to prison they will be in danger....

Keep records, if you can do so safely.

This is the hardest part of it all.

If you have records (text messages, emails, letters, photos) keep them. You may not want to pursue prosecution now, but you may one day.

If you have soiled fabrics, put them in a PAPER bag somewhere dry and later seal them in zip lock bags with those silica gel packets if you can. DRY IS GOOD.

If you have not yet been able to leave your situation, diarise events (date/time, brief description). If it is safe to do so.

This will aid any future legal proceedings... Whether you are seeking prosecution or not.

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(Note: statistically intrafamilial sexual abusers are exclusively intrafamilial abusers, and generally do not have an inclination to abuse children that share no familial ties and may not clinically be paedophiles despite engaging in sexual abuse of children).

----

This post does not discuss sibling incest perpetrators and survivors for these reasons.

Primarily my reason is that Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by a Sibling isn't within my experience

My second reason is that perpetrators behave differently at different ages and if I am going to write about Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by Siblings I will dedicate a post to it.

Third, parents are more common as perpetrators than siblings, while siblings are more likely to be prosecuted and less likely to successfully appeal (despite the overall rate of prosecution being low across the board) discussion bridging the two would need to address the failures in justice and the complexity of this is beyond the scope of this post.

Fuck It, Internet Guide

Hey there! As social media becomes more and more inhospitible for the local user, I wanted to post some useful/fun links to just about anything I can think of! Enjoy! Also, if you'd like an invite to the P!rated Games discord, lmk! ^_^

I AM CURRENTLY STILL UPDATING THIS POST AND I WILL REBLOG IT WHEN I ADD TO IT! Feel free to comment things I've missed, I'm sure there's way more than this came from!

EDIT 1: Here's the link to the google doc! Link it on your webrings and sites! Share on twitter! <3 be free my little links!

WEB CENTRIC

CURLIE: THE COLLECTOR OF URLs (Curlie strives to be the largest human-edited directory of the Web. You can save sites and create your own mini webring!)

Internet Archive (A collection of over 818 Billion websites, books, movies, music, and more. Hosts the Wayback Machine, which can be used to access a multitude of sites, given they were indexed in time.)

Wiby (Human submission search engine for older webrings, as well as a how-to guide on how to develop your own search engine)

Unicode Text Converter (Easy way to make your text illegible to Google but be warned, it will make screen readers malfuction)

Embed Responsively (Easily convert links and embeds to work responsively within your site - perfect for neocities!)

Generator Land (Generate a list or prompt for just about anything!)

GifCities (Part of the Internet Archive, a special project done as part of the 20th anniversary in an effort to save data from GeoCities. Find a gif for just about anything!)

Animated Images (Another gif repository, though this one is easier to search and includes small animations.)

Gifs-Paradise (Another gif repository. I swear I collect these. Searchable and categorized.)

ASCII Art Archive (Database of ASCII Art, also known as text art)

Christopher Johnson's ASCII Art Collection (Another, arguably larger, ASCII Art database)

MelonLand (A web project and online arts community that celebrates homepages, virtual worlds, the world-wide-web and the digital lives that all netizins share, here at the dawn of the digital age. See their thoughts and the WEB REVIVAL they're starting.)

Sadgrl Webrings (Webrings brought to us by Sadgrl.Online - 60+ different ones to be exact) and Sadgrl Links (70+ links just like the ones in this post)

Districts at Neocities (Remember neighborhoods on Geocities? Imagine that but for Neocities!)

Neocities Banners (Banners from all across neocities. Blinkies, banners and more leading all over the web. Mostly 88x31, though there are bigger ones too. Technically counts as a webring.)

Blinkies.cafe (Site for blinkies where you can even make your own! I get most of my blinkies here and off DeviantArt.)

88x31 Collection (Possibly the largest collection I've seen for 88x31 buttons)

90's Cursor Effects (Want a funky cursor for your blog or website? Wanna be able to realtime preview what cursors would look like? Come get some code!)

The Malware Museum (Interact with malware and viruses from the 80s and 90s through emulation! No nasty virus interactions needed :D )

KNOWLEDGE BASES

Library Genesis - LIBGEN (Scientific journals - dedicated to archiving every science journal and their articles in existence.)

Information Mesh (A web platform celebrating the 30th anniversary of the World Wide Web that explores social, technical, cultural and legal facts throughout different interactive timelines.)

Web Design Museum (Over 2,000 sorted websites showing web design trends from '96 to '06.)

The History of the Web (A twice monthly newsletter about web history, and the incredible people that built it. Goes from 1989 to present.)

Field Guide to Web Accessibility (Principles and applications to every day web scenarios in order to make the web a more friendly place!)

CARI - Consumer Aesthetics Research Institute (an online community and collective association of researchers and designers dedicated to carrying on the important work of categorizing "consumer aesthetics" from the late midcentury, when work on the subject somewhat trailed off, through today.)

The Eye (Archive consisting of 140TB of books, websites, games, software, or anything else you can really think of.)

The Uncensored Library (A project from Reporters without Borders, where they use a loophole using Minecraft to distribute information.)

National Gallery of Art Public Domain (The National Gallery of Art has an open access policy for images of works of art in their permanent collection which the Gallery believes to be in the public domain. Images of these works are available for download free of charge for any use, whether commercial or non-commercial.)

Library of Congress Public Domain (Features items from the Library's digital collections that are free to use and reuse. The Library believes that this content is either in the public domain, has no known copyright, or has been cleared by the copyright owner for public use.)

Public Domain Review (an online journal and not-for-profit project dedicated to the exploration of curious and compelling works from the history of art, literature, and ideas.)

New York Public Library Public Domain (Our digitized collections are available as machine-readable data: over one million records for you to search, crawl and compute.)

Official articles from NASA (PubSpace is NASA's designated public access repository. It is a collection of NASA-funded scholarly publications within the STI Repository, aiming to increase access to federally funded research in accordance with NASA Public Access Policy.)

Universal Hint System (Wanna get some vague help for an older video game without getting spoiled? Check out these awesome hints!)

Smithsonian Open Access (Download, share, and reuse millions of 2D and 3D digital items from their 21 museums, 9 research centers, libraries, archives, and the National Zoo.)

Instructables (Wanna know how to make just about anything? Check here!)

QZAP Zine Archive (Archive of LGBT+ Zines, began in 2003 with zines dating back all the way to the 1970s. NSFW AT TIMES, BROWSE AT YOUR OWN RISK.)

P!racy Masterpost (Tumblr-based masterpost of game piracy, last updated 2021. A bit old but some of the stuff there is still good. If this link breaks, please contact me.)

P!rated Games Megathread (masterpost created by r/P!ratedGames includes required components as well as anything else you need. NOTE: PLEASE HAVE SOME SORT OF PROTECTION WHEN NAVIGATING THIS SITE)

Geocities Gallery (A website hosting a working archive for many abandoned Geocities Sites.)

Snipplr (Code Snippet repository. Great for coding issues.)

GeoCities (Archived) (Great for searching ancient webrings for gifs and website ideas. Not so great for downloads.)

Freeware Guide (Archived) (The Freeware-Guide died sometime in 2021 [we think March] but it's still full of VERY valuable information. Links are broken pretty much all the way through, but the names of software as well as what they do can be useful in finding them elsewhere thru some google searching)

Peelopaalu (Where I got a good handful of these links - AND THERE'S MORE!!!)

The Simple Site (More links to so much more cool stuff!)

ART TOOLS

Untitled - Paint (An in-browser version of classic Microsoft Paint!)

KidPix (In-browser version of classic KidPix for the public domain!)

Pixel Logic - A Guide to Pixel Art (Comprehensive guide to making cool art for $10 USD, updated semi-frequently and you get all new versions for free)

SAI - Bootlegged (A version of SAI with a multitude of brushes and textures pre-installed. Quite literally the only thing I use to draw aside from Clip Studio Paint.)

Stripe Generator (Need some easy stripes for an art piece? Can't be bothered to try and space stripes evenly? This is for you!)

Photopea (Free online photo editor supporting files for Adobe Photoshop, XCF, Sketch App, Adobe XD, and CorelDRAW, as well as many more!)

blender (A FOREVER free and Open Source software for 3D Modeling, full of tutorials and assets. I feel like most people don't know it's completely free to play with)

Vertex Meadow (A web-browser tool that renders 2D images as explorable 3D terrain. With it you can create detailed and unusual 3D environments to explore using a 2D paint-program-like interface.)

OpenGameArt (Need art for your game but you're not an artist? Consider checking here first [or just hire a real artist looking for work on here!])

MUSIC TOOLS AND DISCOVERY

BandLab (Social music platform that enables creators to make music and share their creative process with musicians and fans. Completely free with an option to set up stripe where you get 100% OF PROFITS. Available for apple/android/desktop)

JummBox (Free online beat-maker with a very simple interface that runs on your browser)

Mydora (Mydora is a continuous streaming player that gives you a deep dive into the lost archives of Myspace Music, based on some recovered data called the Dragon Hoard, with some additional metadata (most notably the locations and genres) from a different scan of Myspace conducted back in 2009. Contains 490,000+ songs, only a fraction of what was wiped out.)

Radiooooo (A place where people are able to play hit songs from the decade of their choosing from whatever country they wish.)

WFMU (Independent freeform radio broadcasting. Currently ongoing.)

Gnoosic (A sort-of music search engine that finds you songs/bands based off of your music taste.)

Khinsider (3.1 TB worth of video game soundtracks)

Radio.garden (Listen to thousands of radio stations all around the world.)

FUN STUFF

FrogLand (The purpose of Frogland is to show that the Internet can indeed provide a wealth of useful information and still be fun. Mainly, this site is dedicated to the many teachers out there who are finding new uses for the Internet as a tool for educating youngsters. Hopefully, it will inspire some young minds to find new interest in herpetology, biology, and environmental issues...not to mention providing some inspiration for young future computer "wizzes"! No longer active but still useful.)

Windows 98 icon Viewer (Want clear jpgs of all the Windows 98 symbols and icons? They're all here!)

GifyPet (Create your own embeded pet that people can play with and feed when they visit your page! See my version HERE [only works on desktop tho])

Ultimate Mushroom (Like the idea of picking mushrooms in your area but no idea what to look for? Check out this info hub!)

Gif Gallery (Another gif repositiory, only sorted by being numbered 1-100,000. Fun and silly, not so much useful unless you're looking for random gifs. Part of the MelonLand Webring)

Interesting DOS Programs (A host of DOS programming, guides and links.)

Internet Archive: MS-DOS Games (8,000 games right in your web browser! Your browser can play DOOM!)

Tiled Backgrounds (Need some small jpegs for easy website bg tiling? Browse this collection sorted by color.)

cOOl & EMO tEXt cOnVERTer xXX (Flashing warning. Wanna type like you're in the 2000s? Need a funny Green Day lyric as a caption? This is probably the best place for you.)

0x40 (Flashing Warning. Anime images synced with music. Fun for parties, lol)

WebGL Fluid Simulation (In browser fluid simulator, great for art backgrounds and desktop wallpapers.)

Flashpoint (The biggest collection of preserved Flash Games and Animations)

NCase (Free games and open source projects from Nicky [THESE ARE REALLY COOL AND FUN, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND])

Your World of Text (A huge interactive text doc that anyone can add to anonymously.)

Text To Speech (TTS in more than 30 languages and over 180 voices.)

ASCII Art Generator (Make ASCII Art from any image.)

Petit Tube (Random Youtube videos with less than 10 views)

Noclip Website (Noclip around various video game maps in your browser!)

Monster Mash (Create and animate some monsters in browser! You can also download their files.)

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resources-and-reminders

1 year ago

[Drawing of a pink and green dog saying “It’s okay if you aren’t great at something on your first try. Improvement often takes time and effort, and you’re capable of putting in that time and effort. You can do this.” in a green speech bubble.]

1K notes View Post

resources-and-reminders

11 months ago

It is okay to prioritize yourself and to avoid things that aren't yours to fix. It is okay to feel overwhelmed and to reorganize your life in a way that suits you best. It will be okay if you stop carrying everyone else's baggage. It will be okay if you take the weight of the world off your shoulders. These are not your responsibility. You are truly responsible for your well-being and recovery. Put them in first place.

483 notes View Post